Any men here who walked away from their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m PP with the sister who has been alienated despite her being there. People who responded she just needs to demand respect - it’s really not as easy or black and white as you want to believe. When she defends herself or calls him out, he angrily attacks. The kids have asked her not to respond so he won’t yell because it scares them. Despite seeing this, the kids have been so poisoned by him that they are on his side. They wont participate in conversations with her at dinner or include her in theirs when he is present. They constantly look for his approval if they do say something to her. He plans family activities and short vacations and she is not included (he will buy tickets for all but her). The kids refuse overtures by her to spend time with them if he is home. They feed him information on her phone calls and her activities. He involves them in marital issues in entirely inappropriate ways and she refuses to disparage him to them because she does not want them in the middle. It’s not as easy as saying “she should demand respect” or “kids won’t be alienated from a good parent.” Divorce is the obvious answer, and hopefully that happens eventually. I wish he would be a walk-away dad.

Your sister is enabling an abuser. It's possible that her kids will resent her for not protecting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m PP with the sister who has been alienated despite her being there. People who responded she just needs to demand respect - it’s really not as easy or black and white as you want to believe. When she defends herself or calls him out, he angrily attacks. The kids have asked her not to respond so he won’t yell because it scares them. Despite seeing this, the kids have been so poisoned by him that they are on his side. They wont participate in conversations with her at dinner or include her in theirs when he is present. They constantly look for his approval if they do say something to her. He plans family activities and short vacations and she is not included (he will buy tickets for all but her). The kids refuse overtures by her to spend time with them if he is home. They feed him information on her phone calls and her activities. He involves them in marital issues in entirely inappropriate ways and she refuses to disparage him to them because she does not want them in the middle. It’s not as easy as saying “she should demand respect” or “kids won’t be alienated from a good parent.”
Divorce is the obvious answer, and hopefully that happens eventually. I wish he would be a walk-away dad.

Kids can't be alienated from a good parent. But she isn't a good parent. These children are terrified of this man. She has allowed them to be abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m PP with the sister who has been alienated despite her being there. People who responded she just needs to demand respect - it’s really not as easy or black and white as you want to believe. When she defends herself or calls him out, he angrily attacks. The kids have asked her not to respond so he won’t yell because it scares them. Despite seeing this, the kids have been so poisoned by him that they are on his side. They wont participate in conversations with her at dinner or include her in theirs when he is present. They constantly look for his approval if they do say something to her. He plans family activities and short vacations and she is not included (he will buy tickets for all but her). The kids refuse overtures by her to spend time with them if he is home. They feed him information on her phone calls and her activities. He involves them in marital issues in entirely inappropriate ways and she refuses to disparage him to them because she does not want them in the middle. It’s not as easy as saying “she should demand respect” or “kids won’t be alienated from a good parent.”
Divorce is the obvious answer, and hopefully that happens eventually. I wish he would be a walk-away dad.

Kids can't be alienated from a good parent. But she isn't a good parent. These children are terrified of this man. She has allowed them to be abused.

This. PP, it's not your sister's fault that her husband is an abusive POS excuse for a man/partner/father, but it's 100% her responsibility to protect her children from that toxic dynamic, which probably means leaving the jerk. If you're close enough to know, you're close enough to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Dad. At least that's how I see it. He had an affair and confessed to my mom; the story is that she told him we had to move. He got another job out of state and we sold our family home, he moved us to the new state, and continued the affair long distance. My mom discovered this and told him he had to end it. He waffled, and she took us and left. We returned to our home state and slept on friend's couches for the summer until my mom got us settled. AP moved herself and her toddler son to my Dad's state, cut toddler off from his bio dad (yep she was special) and they played happy family. Sibling and I never lived with my Dad again. We visited for summers and the occasional weekends but this was the 80's and that was considered "good enough." For the longest time I tried to convince myself that these things happen, people are complicated, etc. Then I had my own kid who is now the age I was when my Dad essentially chose a new family, and I'm horrified.

So yeah, he wouldn't say he walked away. But I would.

Visited for summers?! Yuck.

Was that court ordered? For appearances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a a friend who did this. His son is about 3 now. He sees him once a month, for a weekend, and usually with his mother (i.e. son's grandmother) nearby to help take care of the son. He gets along well with his ex, but just said parenting wasn't something for him, and it was the biggest mistake he's ever made.

He actually said that!? That’s a rare and true admittance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question about the men who do this and then launch new families with a younger woman. Do those stick or do they end up walking away from those too?

Does it matter?

They want a wifey to stay and care for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

+1. It's immoral to leave your first children behind in order to pursue a new family. It causes such betrayal pain and generational trauma.

Kids recognize when the SAHM just relies on her title and duties as Mom. They understand who the successful one is, and whose train they need to hitch. They can see when Dad is busting his butt and provides a huge house for the family, vs the Mom crying through making dinner because her own Dad died SIX months ago. They understand when they’re out at an event and people fawn over their Dad, and then turn to the supposedly indispensable SAHM and say “And you are?”

So like Nick in the Four Seasons, when I had the opportunity to leave SAHM for someone so much better, I didn’t hesitate. I demanded dual custody with no say for her on who spent time with the kids during my time (that’s really important). I wasn’t going to let her veto anyone I date. My girlfriend knows my kids are my legacy and is good with that.

I’m able to mold my girlfriend in ways that are better for all of us. She understands that her expectations and values need to align with mine, and she appreciates all I do for her professionally and personally. She’s only gotten hotter the last two years since we’ve gotten together.

We’re like the Four Seasons in that we do a big trip together four times a year. We did Disney in the spring, and St. Barts this summer. Fall is Vegas F1 and then we’re hitting Switzerland for Christmas. My ex just can’t compete, though she pitifully tries with overnights to the Greenbrier with the kids that eat up a week of client fees (she’s a therapist now that she has to work again). But when Dad takes you on elite vacations and his GF is within a decade of your oldest and can turn him on to new TikTok videos, the kids see Mom as pathetic. They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me, no matter how much “quality time” Ms. Psychoanalyst wants to spend with them exploring their feelings.

Wow. You’re so gross. You sound like you’re dating someone barely legal and bragging about manipulating her and your kids? Yikes. Are you also like Nick where you’ve cheated on your wife the entire relationship? And going to start a new family and abandon your old one?

Weird flex to think your life is like that trainwreck. Who dies and leaves everyone better off 😂

We have a friend who dated an older, much richer man, who eventually became his second wife. At first, she was impressed and willing to "mold" herself to him, but that didn't last long. No one living in 2025 will give up all autonomy and be controlled by their partner. Eventually her career took off and she started demanding respect in their marriage - and you know what - she got it. She's gorgeous, has a very interesting and successful career now, and is the mother of his new little kids. I'm not sure this will happen for you, but I can say that I saw a million red flags when she was dating an older, stubborn, controlling guy with kids (like, I told her she was insane), but she took the bull by the horns and fought to make it a workable marriage as she matured.

You don’t know what their marriage is like or what happens inside their home. Maybe they just live parallel lives and she says FU to all his antics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

+1. It's immoral to leave your first children behind in order to pursue a new family. It causes such betrayal pain and generational trauma.

Kids recognize when the SAHM just relies on her title and duties as Mom. They understand who the successful one is, and whose train they need to hitch. They can see when Dad is busting his butt and provides a huge house for the family, vs the Mom crying through making dinner because her own Dad died SIX months ago. They understand when they’re out at an event and people fawn over their Dad, and then turn to the supposedly indispensable SAHM and say “And you are?”

So like Nick in the Four Seasons, when I had the opportunity to leave SAHM for someone so much better, I didn’t hesitate. I demanded dual custody with no say for her on who spent time with the kids during my time (that’s really important). I wasn’t going to let her veto anyone I date. My girlfriend knows my kids are my legacy and is good with that.

I’m able to mold my girlfriend in ways that are better for all of us. She understands that her expectations and values need to align with mine, and she appreciates all I do for her professionally and personally. She’s only gotten hotter the last two years since we’ve gotten together.

We’re like the Four Seasons in that we do a big trip together four times a year. We did Disney in the spring, and St. Barts this summer. Fall is Vegas F1 and then we’re hitting Switzerland for Christmas. My ex just can’t compete, though she pitifully tries with overnights to the Greenbrier with the kids that eat up a week of client fees (she’s a therapist now that she has to work again). But when Dad takes you on elite vacations and his GF is within a decade of your oldest and can turn him on to new TikTok videos, the kids see Mom as pathetic. They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me, no matter how much “quality time” Ms. Psychoanalyst wants to spend with them exploring their feelings.

Wow. You’re so gross. You sound like you’re dating someone barely legal and bragging about manipulating her and your kids? Yikes. Are you also like Nick where you’ve cheated on your wife the entire relationship? And going to start a new family and abandon your old one?

Weird flex to think your life is like that trainwreck. Who dies and leaves everyone better off 😂

We have a friend who dated an older, much richer man, who eventually became his second wife. At first, she was impressed and willing to "mold" herself to him, but that didn't last long. No one living in 2025 will give up all autonomy and be controlled by their partner. Eventually her career took off and she started demanding respect in their marriage - and you know what - she got it. She's gorgeous, has a very interesting and successful career now, and is the mother of his new little kids. I'm not sure this will happen for you, but I can say that I saw a million red flags when she was dating an older, stubborn, controlling guy with kids (like, I told her she was insane), but she took the bull by the horns and fought to make it a workable marriage as she matured.

You don’t know what their marriage is like or what happens inside their home. Maybe they just live parallel lives and she says FU to all his antics.

Good point. I know she goes on plenty of girls' trips and her life looks amazing on Instagram, but you're right. They probably do live parallel lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

Agree.

And you should see the money flows. None to original kids, all to new wife and new kids.

- estate attorney

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Kids recognize when the SAHM just relies on her title and duties as Mom. They understand who the successful one is, and whose train they need to hitch. They can see when Dad is busting his butt and provides a huge house for the family, vs the Mom crying through making dinner because her own Dad died SIX months ago. They understand when they’re out at an event and people fawn over their Dad, and then turn to the supposedly indispensable SAHM and say “And you are?”

So like Nick in the Four Seasons, when I had the opportunity to leave SAHM for someone so much better, I didn’t hesitate. I demanded dual custody with no say for her on who spent time with the kids during my time (that’s really important). I wasn’t going to let her veto anyone I date. My girlfriend knows my kids are my legacy and is good with that.

I’m able to mold my girlfriend in ways that are better for all of us. She understands that her expectations and values need to align with mine, and she appreciates all I do for her professionally and personally. She’s only gotten hotter the last two years since we’ve gotten together.

We’re like the Four Seasons in that we do a big trip together four times a year. We did Disney in the spring, and St. Barts this summer. Fall is Vegas F1 and then we’re hitting Switzerland for Christmas. My ex just can’t compete, though she pitifully tries with overnights to the Greenbrier with the kids that eat up a week of client fees (she’s a therapist now that she has to work again). But when Dad takes you on elite vacations and his GF is within a decade of your oldest and can turn him on to new TikTok videos, the kids see Mom as pathetic. They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me, no matter how much “quality time” Ms. Psychoanalyst wants to spend with them exploring their feelings.

Folks. This is satire, right?

Unfortunately I don't think so.
I also think the kids in this story are young and will develop their own opinions about this situation as they get older.
It's kind of sad.

Incredibly sad. I guess the bright side is that he didn't abandon his kids? Not sure why he's in this thread bragging about being a terrible father who happens to be around though.

It’s satire, some woman troll wrote it pretending to be a male a$$hat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

Agree.

And you should see the money flows. None to original kids, all to new wife and new kids.

- estate attorney

If the new wife has minor, dependent kids, doesn't the money need to go to her? Assuming older kids are already through college.

[Anonymous]

At death, no. It should go to all bio kids equally. Skip the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th wives entirely.

So if your boy keeps popping them out, less and less for your kids. Oh well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At death, no. It should go to all bio kids equally. Skip the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th wives entirely.

So if your boy keeps popping them out, less and less for your kids. Oh well!

You can't disinherit your spouse unless they're really dumb and waived their spousal election in a prenup.

You also gotta account for the costs of raising the children you create.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m PP with the sister who has been alienated despite her being there. People who responded she just needs to demand respect - it’s really not as easy or black and white as you want to believe. When she defends herself or calls him out, he angrily attacks. The kids have asked her not to respond so he won’t yell because it scares them. Despite seeing this, the kids have been so poisoned by him that they are on his side. They wont participate in conversations with her at dinner or include her in theirs when he is present. They constantly look for his approval if they do say something to her. He plans family activities and short vacations and she is not included (he will buy tickets for all but her). The kids refuse overtures by her to spend time with them if he is home. They feed him information on her phone calls and her activities. He involves them in marital issues in entirely inappropriate ways and she refuses to disparage him to them because she does not want them in the middle. It’s not as easy as saying “she should demand respect” or “kids won’t be alienated from a good parent.”
Divorce is the obvious answer, and hopefully that happens eventually. I wish he would be a walk-away dad.

Kids can't be alienated from a good parent. But she isn't a good parent. These children are terrified of this man. She has allowed them to be abused.

Yes they can.
They want to People Please the bully parent plus are starving for attention from the neglectful bully parent so lap it up when it comes in small doses.

Immature kids especially do that and then seek out male attention everywhere. Coaches, teachers, family, classmates.

Not good.

[Anonymous]

This is barely relevant but Peter Sagal is a second family dude and it has sort of ruined Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me for me.