Any men here who walked away from their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

+1. It's immoral to leave your first children behind in order to pursue a new family. It causes such betrayal pain and generational trauma.

Kids recognize when the SAHM just relies on her title and duties as Mom. They understand who the successful one is, and whose train they need to hitch. They can see when Dad is busting his butt and provides a huge house for the family, vs the Mom crying through making dinner because her own Dad died SIX months ago. They understand when they’re out at an event and people fawn over their Dad, and then turn to the supposedly indispensable SAHM and say “And you are?”

So like Nick in the Four Seasons, when I had the opportunity to leave SAHM for someone so much better, I didn’t hesitate. I demanded dual custody with no say for her on who spent time with the kids during my time (that’s really important). I wasn’t going to let her veto anyone I date. My girlfriend knows my kids are my legacy and is good with that.

I’m able to mold my girlfriend in ways that are better for all of us. She understands that her expectations and values need to align with mine, and she appreciates all I do for her professionally and personally. She’s only gotten hotter the last two years since we’ve gotten together.

We’re like the Four Seasons in that we do a big trip together four times a year. We did Disney in the spring, and St. Barts this summer. Fall is Vegas F1 and then we’re hitting Switzerland for Christmas. My ex just can’t compete, though she pitifully tries with overnights to the Greenbrier with the kids that eat up a week of client fees (she’s a therapist now that she has to work again). But when Dad takes you on elite vacations and his GF is within a decade of your oldest and can turn him on to new TikTok videos, the kids see Mom as pathetic. They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me, no matter how much “quality time” Ms. Psychoanalyst wants to spend with them exploring their feelings.

Wow. You’re so gross. You sound like you’re dating someone barely legal and bragging about manipulating her and your kids? Yikes. Are you also like Nick where you’ve cheated on your wife the entire relationship? And going to start a new family and abandon your old one?

Weird flex to think your life is like that trainwreck. Who dies and leaves everyone better off 😂

I guess this guy missed the episode with the one woman show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

100 percent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m PP with the sister who has been alienated despite her being there. People who responded she just needs to demand respect - it’s really not as easy or black and white as you want to believe. When she defends herself or calls him out, he angrily attacks. The kids have asked her not to respond so he won’t yell because it scares them. Despite seeing this, the kids have been so poisoned by him that they are on his side. They wont participate in conversations with her at dinner or include her in theirs when he is present. They constantly look for his approval if they do say something to her. He plans family activities and short vacations and she is not included (he will buy tickets for all but her). The kids refuse overtures by her to spend time with them if he is home. They feed him information on her phone calls and her activities. He involves them in marital issues in entirely inappropriate ways and she refuses to disparage him to them because she does not want them in the middle. It’s not as easy as saying “she should demand respect” or “kids won’t be alienated from a good parent.” Divorce is the obvious answer, and hopefully that happens eventually. I wish he would be a walk-away dad.

Sorry, but this isn’t alienation. This man is abusing his family, and they are scared. Of course they will cozy up with the one who has the power to abuse them. Of course they will be good little kids to placate the angry volcano in the recliner. I don’t think demanding respect works in all aspects, and I definitely don’t think it would here. Unfortunately your sister needs to get a job and look at leaving. Her kids are being abused and in turn, turning into abusers themselves. All because she doesn’t want to work? Cmon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's impossible to alienate someone from someone who's constantly around. There's no amount of "spite" that would invalidate the loving, constant presence and attention of the child's other parent.

It's a lot harder to be present and attentive if you bail on your family, at which point, you've "alienated" yourself. And if you did so in a way that makes you the AH, well, there's cause for the spite. Truthfully though: your kids will figure out the truth of who left and why and remember who was there and when. You can't fake connection, and you can't fake attention and care. The truth will out.

This is incorrect, unfortunately. My sister is the SAHM, always there for her kids, the one to help with homework, make meals, drive, etc. Her husband travels very frequently for his career but when home mocks, belittles, screams and disrespects her in front of and to the kids. He talks about her to the kids behind her back. He has, over the years, alienated her from their kids when he is home - it’s almost like the kids are afraid to be nice to her in front of him. It’s marginally better when he’s traveling, but now the kids (teens) have witnessed the disrespect for so long that they dish it out, too. It’s a horrible situation that she has stayed in for the sake of the kids, but has still ended up with them basically icing her out and treating her with disdain anyway. Hopefully when they are adults they will see things from a different perspective, and hopefully by that time their parents won’t be together. But I know from witnessing this that parental alienation can happen whether or not a parent leaves the home, and I can imagine situations where a parent should leave even knowing the alienation would continue.

Tell your sister to raise her standards. You can't blame someone else for 'alienating' you over treatment you accept and allow. If she's getting that crap from her kids too, even when he's not around, that's on her, not him. Say no, and teach your kids better.

Its very hard to do when your kids get larger than you and are male. They know they are stronger and don't have to listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know one man who gave up after his ex spread rumors throughout their community and alienated the kids against him. He was suicidal for some time and eventually moved across the country to get away from the situation and did maintain a long-distance relationship with his kids, but he falls into the category of an abandoner. I'm not defending this person, just sharing their motives.

“I loved across the country from my kids, I’m such a good dad!” 🤢

Motives don’t matter. Actions matter.

I was clear in my post that I wasn't defending this person, just explaining what led to them moving. In their case, remaining in the same community as his ex-wife, who had spread rumors and alienated him from his kids, was contributing to pretty severe mental health issues, ultimately including attempted suicide. He created a new relationship with them once they left for college, and I expect he will be a decent grandparent someday, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know one man who gave up after his ex spread rumors throughout their community and alienated the kids against him. He was suicidal for some time and eventually moved across the country to get away from the situation and did maintain a long-distance relationship with his kids, but he falls into the category of an abandoner. I'm not defending this person, just sharing their motives.

“I loved across the country from my kids, I’m such a good dad!” 🤢

Motives don’t matter. Actions matter.

I was clear in my post that I wasn't defending this person, just explaining what led to them moving. In their case, remaining in the same community as his ex-wife, who had spread rumors and alienated him from his kids, was contributing to pretty severe mental health issues, ultimately including attempted suicide. He created a new relationship with them once they left for college, and I expect he will be a decent grandparent someday, too.

Yeah the men that abandon their kids love to think they’re great grandparents. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know one man who gave up after his ex spread rumors throughout their community and alienated the kids against him. He was suicidal for some time and eventually moved across the country to get away from the situation and did maintain a long-distance relationship with his kids, but he falls into the category of an abandoner. I'm not defending this person, just sharing their motives.

“I loved across the country from my kids, I’m such a good dad!” 🤢

Motives don’t matter. Actions matter.

I was clear in my post that I wasn't defending this person, just explaining what led to them moving. In their case, remaining in the same community as his ex-wife, who had spread rumors and alienated him from his kids, was contributing to pretty severe mental health issues, ultimately including attempted suicide. He created a new relationship with them once they left for college, and I expect he will be a decent grandparent someday, too.

Yeah the men that abandon their kids love to think they’re great grandparents. LOL.

I'm not the man who left his kids - he's a family acquaintance. Based on how he fought to create a new relationship with his kids once they left their mother's home, I think he'll maintain that relationship throughout their lives now that their mother isn't in the middle of it. It was just an ugly, toxic relationship - both of them were at fault. The silver lining is that things got better with him and his kids with time and distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Kids recognize when the SAHM just relies on her title and duties as Mom. They understand who the successful one is, and whose train they need to hitch. They can see when Dad is busting his butt and provides a huge house for the family, vs the Mom crying through making dinner because her own Dad died SIX months ago. They understand when they’re out at an event and people fawn over their Dad, and then turn to the supposedly indispensable SAHM and say “And you are?”

So like Nick in the Four Seasons, when I had the opportunity to leave SAHM for someone so much better, I didn’t hesitate. I demanded dual custody with no say for her on who spent time with the kids during my time (that’s really important). I wasn’t going to let her veto anyone I date. My girlfriend knows my kids are my legacy and is good with that.

I’m able to mold my girlfriend in ways that are better for all of us. She understands that her expectations and values need to align with mine, and she appreciates all I do for her professionally and personally. She’s only gotten hotter the last two years since we’ve gotten together.

We’re like the Four Seasons in that we do a big trip together four times a year. We did Disney in the spring, and St. Barts this summer. Fall is Vegas F1 and then we’re hitting Switzerland for Christmas. My ex just can’t compete, though she pitifully tries with overnights to the Greenbrier with the kids that eat up a week of client fees (she’s a therapist now that she has to work again). But when Dad takes you on elite vacations and his GF is within a decade of your oldest and can turn him on to new TikTok videos, the kids see Mom as pathetic. They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me, no matter how much “quality time” Ms. Psychoanalyst wants to spend with them exploring their feelings.

Folks. This is satire, right?

Unfortunately I don't think so.
I also think the kids in this story are young and will develop their own opinions about this situation as they get older.
It's kind of sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Kids recognize when the SAHM just relies on her title and duties as Mom. They understand who the successful one is, and whose train they need to hitch. They can see when Dad is busting his butt and provides a huge house for the family, vs the Mom crying through making dinner because her own Dad died SIX months ago. They understand when they’re out at an event and people fawn over their Dad, and then turn to the supposedly indispensable SAHM and say “And you are?”

So like Nick in the Four Seasons, when I had the opportunity to leave SAHM for someone so much better, I didn’t hesitate. I demanded dual custody with no say for her on who spent time with the kids during my time (that’s really important). I wasn’t going to let her veto anyone I date. My girlfriend knows my kids are my legacy and is good with that.

I’m able to mold my girlfriend in ways that are better for all of us. She understands that her expectations and values need to align with mine, and she appreciates all I do for her professionally and personally. She’s only gotten hotter the last two years since we’ve gotten together.

We’re like the Four Seasons in that we do a big trip together four times a year. We did Disney in the spring, and St. Barts this summer. Fall is Vegas F1 and then we’re hitting Switzerland for Christmas. My ex just can’t compete, though she pitifully tries with overnights to the Greenbrier with the kids that eat up a week of client fees (she’s a therapist now that she has to work again). But when Dad takes you on elite vacations and his GF is within a decade of your oldest and can turn him on to new TikTok videos, the kids see Mom as pathetic. They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me, no matter how much “quality time” Ms. Psychoanalyst wants to spend with them exploring their feelings.

Folks. This is satire, right?

Unfortunately I don't think so.
I also think the kids in this story are young and will develop their own opinions about this situation as they get older.
It's kind of sad.

Incredibly sad. I guess the bright side is that he didn't abandon his kids? Not sure why he's in this thread bragging about being a terrible father who happens to be around though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

+1. It's immoral to leave your first children behind in order to pursue a new family. It causes such betrayal pain and generational trauma.

Kids recognize when the SAHM just relies on her title and duties as Mom. They understand who the successful one is, and whose train they need to hitch. They can see when Dad is busting his butt and provides a huge house for the family, vs the Mom crying through making dinner because her own Dad died SIX months ago. They understand when they’re out at an event and people fawn over their Dad, and then turn to the supposedly indispensable SAHM and say “And you are?”

So like Nick in the Four Seasons, when I had the opportunity to leave SAHM for someone so much better, I didn’t hesitate. I demanded dual custody with no say for her on who spent time with the kids during my time (that’s really important). I wasn’t going to let her veto anyone I date. My girlfriend knows my kids are my legacy and is good with that.

I’m able to mold my girlfriend in ways that are better for all of us. She understands that her expectations and values need to align with mine, and she appreciates all I do for her professionally and personally. She’s only gotten hotter the last two years since we’ve gotten together.

We’re like the Four Seasons in that we do a big trip together four times a year. We did Disney in the spring, and St. Barts this summer. Fall is Vegas F1 and then we’re hitting Switzerland for Christmas. My ex just can’t compete, though she pitifully tries with overnights to the Greenbrier with the kids that eat up a week of client fees (she’s a therapist now that she has to work again). But when Dad takes you on elite vacations and his GF is within a decade of your oldest and can turn him on to new TikTok videos, the kids see Mom as pathetic. They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me, no matter how much “quality time” Ms. Psychoanalyst wants to spend with them exploring their feelings.

You are a deeply disturbed human being. Life isn't a contest, and your children's feelings can't be bought. Your hot new plaything's ability to show your kids cool tiktoks isn't going to negate the complete lack of emotional intelligence in your post, and your contempt for the children's other parent is going to wreck your relationship to your kids.

And when they're sad, or scared, or stressed, or struggling, they're not going to come to you for anything more than money and a vacation. They'll go to her, because it's safe to be whole human beings with feelings in her care.

Enjoy dying lonely, guy who thought he could buy his family's loyalty with some trips and glitz. How pathetic.

PS - the new T&A is only with you for the $$$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know one man who gave up after his ex spread rumors throughout their community and alienated the kids against him. He was suicidal for some time and eventually moved across the country to get away from the situation and did maintain a long-distance relationship with his kids, but he falls into the category of an abandoner. I'm not defending this person, just sharing their motives.

“I loved across the country from my kids, I’m such a good dad!” 🤢

Motives don’t matter. Actions matter.

I was clear in my post that I wasn't defending this person, just explaining what led to them moving. In their case, remaining in the same community as his ex-wife, who had spread rumors and alienated him from his kids, was contributing to pretty severe mental health issues, ultimately including attempted suicide. He created a new relationship with them once they left for college, and I expect he will be a decent grandparent someday, too.

Yeah the men that abandon their kids love to think they’re great grandparents. LOL.

I'm not the man who left his kids - he's a family acquaintance. Based on how he fought to create a new relationship with his kids once they left their mother's home, I think he'll maintain that relationship throughout their lives now that their mother isn't in the middle of it. It was just an ugly, toxic relationship - both of them were at fault. The silver lining is that things got better with him and his kids with time and distance.

I didn't say you were?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

+1. It's immoral to leave your first children behind in order to pursue a new family. It causes such betrayal pain and generational trauma.

Kids recognize when the SAHM just relies on her title and duties as Mom. They understand who the successful one is, and whose train they need to hitch. They can see when Dad is busting his butt and provides a huge house for the family, vs the Mom crying through making dinner because her own Dad died SIX months ago. They understand when they’re out at an event and people fawn over their Dad, and then turn to the supposedly indispensable SAHM and say “And you are?”

So like Nick in the Four Seasons, when I had the opportunity to leave SAHM for someone so much better, I didn’t hesitate. I demanded dual custody with no say for her on who spent time with the kids during my time (that’s really important). I wasn’t going to let her veto anyone I date. My girlfriend knows my kids are my legacy and is good with that.

I’m able to mold my girlfriend in ways that are better for all of us. She understands that her expectations and values need to align with mine, and she appreciates all I do for her professionally and personally. She’s only gotten hotter the last two years since we’ve gotten together.

We’re like the Four Seasons in that we do a big trip together four times a year. We did Disney in the spring, and St. Barts this summer. Fall is Vegas F1 and then we’re hitting Switzerland for Christmas. My ex just can’t compete, though she pitifully tries with overnights to the Greenbrier with the kids that eat up a week of client fees (she’s a therapist now that she has to work again). But when Dad takes you on elite vacations and his GF is within a decade of your oldest and can turn him on to new TikTok videos, the kids see Mom as pathetic. They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me, no matter how much “quality time” Ms. Psychoanalyst wants to spend with them exploring their feelings.

As appalling as you are for other reasons, you did not actually abandon your kids and therefore you are not appalling in the ways that this is about.

Yeesh. +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

+1. It's immoral to leave your first children behind in order to pursue a new family. It causes such betrayal pain and generational trauma.

Kids recognize when the SAHM just relies on her title and duties as Mom. They understand who the successful one is, and whose train they need to hitch. They can see when Dad is busting his butt and provides a huge house for the family, vs the Mom crying through making dinner because her own Dad died SIX months ago. They understand when they’re out at an event and people fawn over their Dad, and then turn to the supposedly indispensable SAHM and say “And you are?”

So like Nick in the Four Seasons, when I had the opportunity to leave SAHM for someone so much better, I didn’t hesitate. I demanded dual custody with no say for her on who spent time with the kids during my time (that’s really important). I wasn’t going to let her veto anyone I date. My girlfriend knows my kids are my legacy and is good with that.

I’m able to mold my girlfriend in ways that are better for all of us. She understands that her expectations and values need to align with mine, and she appreciates all I do for her professionally and personally. She’s only gotten hotter the last two years since we’ve gotten together.

We’re like the Four Seasons in that we do a big trip together four times a year. We did Disney in the spring, and St. Barts this summer. Fall is Vegas F1 and then we’re hitting Switzerland for Christmas. My ex just can’t compete, though she pitifully tries with overnights to the Greenbrier with the kids that eat up a week of client fees (she’s a therapist now that she has to work again). But when Dad takes you on elite vacations and his GF is within a decade of your oldest and can turn him on to new TikTok videos, the kids see Mom as pathetic. They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me, no matter how much “quality time” Ms. Psychoanalyst wants to spend with them exploring their feelings.

You are a deeply disturbed human being. Life isn't a contest, and your children's feelings can't be bought. Your hot new plaything's ability to show your kids cool tiktoks isn't going to negate the complete lack of emotional intelligence in your post, and your contempt for the children's other parent is going to wreck your relationship to your kids.

And when they're sad, or scared, or stressed, or struggling, they're not going to come to you for anything more than money and a vacation. They'll go to her, because it's safe to be whole human beings with feelings in her care.

Enjoy dying lonely, guy who thought he could buy his family's loyalty with some trips and glitz. How pathetic.

PS - the new T&A is only with you for the $$$

Duh, can't you tell he's just a shallow person?
Whatever you ladies attack him for will go nowhere because his priorities are beyond comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

+1 Why would you leave your kid with someone with serious mental health issues to raise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

+1. It's immoral to leave your first children behind in order to pursue a new family. It causes such betrayal pain and generational trauma.

Kids recognize when the SAHM just relies on her title and duties as Mom. They understand who the successful one is, and whose train they need to hitch. They can see when Dad is busting his butt and provides a huge house for the family, vs the Mom crying through making dinner because her own Dad died SIX months ago. They understand when they’re out at an event and people fawn over their Dad, and then turn to the supposedly indispensable SAHM and say “And you are?”

So like Nick in the Four Seasons, when I had the opportunity to leave SAHM for someone so much better, I didn’t hesitate. I demanded dual custody with no say for her on who spent time with the kids during my time (that’s really important). I wasn’t going to let her veto anyone I date. My girlfriend knows my kids are my legacy and is good with that.

I’m able to mold my girlfriend in ways that are better for all of us. She understands that her expectations and values need to align with mine, and she appreciates all I do for her professionally and personally. She’s only gotten hotter the last two years since we’ve gotten together.

We’re like the Four Seasons in that we do a big trip together four times a year. We did Disney in the spring, and St. Barts this summer. Fall is Vegas F1 and then we’re hitting Switzerland for Christmas. My ex just can’t compete, though she pitifully tries with overnights to the Greenbrier with the kids that eat up a week of client fees (she’s a therapist now that she has to work again). But when Dad takes you on elite vacations and his GF is within a decade of your oldest and can turn him on to new TikTok videos, the kids see Mom as pathetic. They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me, no matter how much “quality time” Ms. Psychoanalyst wants to spend with them exploring their feelings.

“They know they’re far better off if they’re loyal to me”
You sound like you’ve tried to purchase their affections. They might like you for your money, but having a child bride watching TikTok videos with them doesn’t build the sort of bond you’re theorizing. The men (people really) who hold money over people’s heads never do well in the long run.

Does your gf work? I wonder why you disparage SAHM when it was likely at least partly your idea.

This guy can't be for real. What a gross human being.