DH choked me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. We spoke again this morning and I said there will be no more choking again period in any context. He was apologetic and said he has no problem with no longer doing it.

I’m taking some time to myself to think all of this over.

Yeah you kinda overreacted most likely It's understandable, but it was simply poor communication and poor boundary setting.

Sounds like a nothing burger mostly and that you both need to brush up on safety protocols when diving into certain BDSM activities like that again.

Don’t gaslight OP. Her husband was choking her and didn’t stop when she told him to. There was no overreaction.

You are gaslighting in the other direction.

Catty women on here trying to ruin a relationship seems to be the norm. Misery loves company eh?

You’re cool; you’re not like the other girls! Lol.

OP never wanted to be choked. She went along with it to please her husband. He choked her hard enough that it “terrified” her. Her husband didn’t stop when she said stop. Afterwards, she told him that wasn’t okay. This morning she and her husband agreed that there will be no more choking. What, exactly, was her overreaction?

Did I miss an update where OP and her DH agreed no more choking? I only saw that he apologized and didn’t hear her say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/strangulation-is-the-highest-predictor-of-murder

Strangulation in any context is the highest predictor of murder.

Let's take a step back here. There is strangulation in the context of a fight and there is choking during sex. Those are two completely different things.

I think the choking epidemic during sex has spiraled out of control. I think the simple solution here is to take choking off the table completely. He took it too far, and he lost his "privilege".

Choking is something you do to yourself, as in I got a peach pit stuck in my throat and someone performed the Heimlich so I didn’t die that day

When someone puts their hands around your throat, even if because you have little self esteem and a lack of boundaries, so you initially gave them permission, it’s still called strangling.

Ok, call it consensual strangling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/strangulation-is-the-highest-predictor-of-murder

Strangulation in any context is the highest predictor of murder.

Let's take a step back here. There is strangulation in the context of a fight and there is choking during sex. Those are two completely different things.

I think the choking epidemic during sex has spiraled out of control. I think the simple solution here is to take choking off the table completely. He took it too far, and he lost his "privilege".

Choking is something you do to yourself, as in I got a peach pit stuck in my throat and someone performed the Heimlich so I didn’t die that day

When someone puts their hands around your throat, even if because you have little self esteem and a lack of boundaries, so you initially gave them permission, it’s still called strangling.

Ok, call it consensual strangling.

Except it stopped being consensual when she said stop, and you are missing the point anytime a man puts his hands around your throat (strangling) it’s a huge red flag, it’s the number one prediction that abuse will eventually escalate to murder. As in the man with his hands around your throat is going to kill you one day, because he lacks brakes.

And when I say that I mean there are men who abuse who know when to stop. They aren’t great guys, and should be in jail, but more than likely they won’t kill you, because they have brakes.

Then there are the ones who will shoot you, and your kids, while sparing the dog and they are the ones who like to strangle.

When she said no he didn’t stop, she has a man with bad brakes who wants to choke her for fun… yeah no thanks.

No woman should ever put herself in that situation willingly, because it’s not that hard for a man to kill a woman with his bare hands. It frighteningly easy actually. Despite what your jujitsu instructor or the latest action movie with a female lead tells you.

There are other ways to seek pleasure in life. Be wary of the man whose idea of fun involves fantasizing about killing you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH likes to choke in the bedroom. It’s not my thing, but I’ve indulged him. Last night he choked me too hard and I said to stop and he didn’t stop right away.

This made me terrified and I feel really uncomfortable. I told him right after the fact that this was not ok and he apologized. But I still do not feel comfortable around him. What should I do?

How long has been addicted to porn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH likes to choke in the bedroom. It’s not my thing, but I’ve indulged him. Last night he choked me too hard and I said to stop and he didn’t stop right away.

This made me terrified and I feel really uncomfortable. I told him right after the fact that this was not ok and he apologized. But I still do not feel comfortable around him. What should I do?

How long has been addicted to porn?

Stop blaming porn because people enjoy things you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Do you have children? if so borrow money from your parents and see a solid lawyer to file for divorce.

You have a brief window to file a domestic violence case against him now and they will
give him a restraining order to stay away and in the meantime, make arrangements to pack up and locate elsewhere with guidance from your lawyer. Leverage the domestics violence report to keep him away from you and kids.

Once things settle down, the
courts will allow him access to kids and you all can finalize divorce.

If you do NOT have kids, you are very lucky to be able to leave him asap. Do not stay one night in the house with him after dropping the bomb that you are leaving him. Prepare in advance.


I’m sorry you are in this situation but you are alive and need to keep yourself alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. We spoke again this morning and I said there will be no more choking again period in any context. He was apologetic and said he has no problem with no longer doing it.

I’m taking some time to myself to think all of this over.

Yeah you kinda overreacted most likely It's understandable, but it was simply poor communication and poor boundary setting.

Sounds like a nothing burger mostly and that you both need to brush up on safety protocols when diving into certain BDSM activities like that again.

Don’t gaslight OP. Her husband was choking her and didn’t stop when she told him to. There was no overreaction.

You are gaslighting in the other direction.

Catty women on here trying to ruin a relationship seems to be the norm. Misery loves company eh?

You’re cool; you’re not like the other girls! Lol.

OP never wanted to be choked. She went along with it to please her husband. He choked her hard enough that it “terrified” her. Her husband didn’t stop when she said stop. Afterwards, she told him that wasn’t okay. This morning she and her husband agreed that there will be no more choking. What, exactly, was her overreaction?

Did I miss an update where OP and her DH agreed no more choking? I only saw that he apologized and didn’t hear her say no.

Page 3

“OP here. Thanks everyone. We spoke again this morning and I said there will be no more choking again period in any context. He was apologetic and said he has no problem with no longer doing it.

I’m taking some time to myself to think all of this over.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH likes to choke in the bedroom. It’s not my thing, but I’ve indulged him. Last night he choked me too hard and I said to stop and he didn’t stop right away.

This made me terrified and I feel really uncomfortable. I told him right after the fact that this was not ok and he apologized. But I still do not feel comfortable around him. What should I do?

How long has been addicted to porn?

Stop blaming porn because people enjoy things you don’t.

This type of asphyxiation is supposed to heighten the pleasure of the person being strangled due to slight oxygen deprivation. OP never wanted it, wasn’t turned on by it, only agreed to it for her dh’s pleasure, and then became terrified and asked him to stop, but he was strangling her hard enough he couldn’t tell that she said stop. OP got no pleasure from it at all. When the only person who is turned on is the strangler, it’s not about enhancing sexual pleasure. It’s about the strangler acting out a violent fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/strangulation-is-the-highest-predictor-of-murder

Strangulation in any context is the highest predictor of murder.

Let's take a step back here. There is strangulation in the context of a fight and there is choking during sex. Those are two completely different things.

I think the choking epidemic during sex has spiraled out of control. I think the simple solution here is to take choking off the table completely. He took it too far, and he lost his "privilege".

Choking is something you do to yourself, as in I got a peach pit stuck in my throat and someone performed the Heimlich so I didn’t die that day

When someone puts their hands around your throat, even if because you have little self esteem and a lack of boundaries, so you initially gave them permission, it’s still called strangling.

Ok, call it consensual strangling.

Except it stopped being consensual when she said stop, and you are missing the point anytime a man puts his hands around your throat (strangling) it’s a huge red flag, it’s the number one prediction that abuse will eventually escalate to murder. As in the man with his hands around your throat is going to kill you one day, because he lacks brakes.

And when I say that I mean there are men who abuse who know when to stop. They aren’t great guys, and should be in jail, but more than likely they won’t kill you, because they have brakes.

Then there are the ones who will shoot you, and your kids, while sparing the dog and they are the ones who like to strangle.

When she said no he didn’t stop, she has a man with bad brakes who wants to choke her for fun… yeah no thanks.

No woman should ever put herself in that situation willingly, because it’s not that hard for a man to kill a woman with his bare hands. It frighteningly easy actually. Despite what your jujitsu instructor or the latest action movie with a female lead tells you.

There are other ways to seek pleasure in life. Be wary of the man whose idea of fun involves fantasizing about killing you

I started out thinking this could have been some sex play gone wrong but you have convinced me that OP needs to take a really close look at the entirety of her DH’s behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have started exploring healthy BDSM and I LOVE being choked...BUT communication starts outside the bedroom with this. And safewords (or actions for this - mine is a thumbs up) is critical. It's natural to explore these activities and can be amazing - I'm having the best sex ever in my life and can't wear a bikini outside anymore because of the bruises.

Reddit's BDSM forums are better places to look for advice than DCUM.

But your safe word is no good if you are oxygen deprived which happens very suddenly.

It is irresponsible to promote choking as a sexual practice which is why, no, the BDSM “community” is no kind of good source for advice. at least you seem to authentically enjoy it but many women just go along to be “sex positive” or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have started exploring healthy BDSM and I LOVE being choked...BUT communication starts outside the bedroom with this. And safewords (or actions for this - mine is a thumbs up) is critical. It's natural to explore these activities and can be amazing - I'm having the best sex ever in my life and can't wear a bikini outside anymore because of the bruises.

Reddit's BDSM forums are better places to look for advice than DCUM.

Please seek therapy. No one should "love" being choked. That is truly sick. People who want to choke = psychos. People who enjoy being choked = damaged. There is no rationalizing this disturbing behavior. FFS your post is so disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/strangulation-is-the-highest-predictor-of-murder

Strangulation in any context is the highest predictor of murder.

Let's take a step back here. There is strangulation in the context of a fight and there is choking during sex. Those are two completely different things.

I think the choking epidemic during sex has spiraled out of control. I think the simple solution here is to take choking off the table completely. He took it too far, and he lost his "privilege".

Choking is something you do to yourself, as in I got a peach pit stuck in my throat and someone performed the Heimlich so I didn’t die that day

When someone puts their hands around your throat, even if because you have little self esteem and a lack of boundaries, so you initially gave them permission, it’s still called strangling.

Exactly. Anyone on here defending the DH's right to choke his wife is a psycho.

Ok, call it consensual strangling.

Except it stopped being consensual when she said stop, and you are missing the point anytime a man puts his hands around your throat (strangling) it’s a huge red flag, it’s the number one prediction that abuse will eventually escalate to murder. As in the man with his hands around your throat is going to kill you one day, because he lacks brakes.

And when I say that I mean there are men who abuse who know when to stop. They aren’t great guys, and should be in jail, but more than likely they won’t kill you, because they have brakes.

Then there are the ones who will shoot you, and your kids, while sparing the dog and they are the ones who like to strangle.

When she said no he didn’t stop, she has a man with bad brakes who wants to choke her for fun… yeah no thanks.

No woman should ever put herself in that situation willingly, because it’s not that hard for a man to kill a woman with his bare hands. It frighteningly easy actually. Despite what your jujitsu instructor or the latest action movie with a female lead tells you.

There are other ways to seek pleasure in life. Be wary of the man whose idea of fun involves fantasizing about killing you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have started exploring healthy BDSM and I LOVE being choked...BUT communication starts outside the bedroom with this. And safewords (or actions for this - mine is a thumbs up) is critical. It's natural to explore these activities and can be amazing - I'm having the best sex ever in my life and can't wear a bikini outside anymore because of the bruises.

Reddit's BDSM forums are better places to look for advice than DCUM.

Please seek therapy. No one should "love" being choked. That is truly sick. People who want to choke = psychos. People who enjoy being choked = damaged. There is no rationalizing this disturbing behavior. FFS your post is so disturbing.

You don't get to dictate what other people find enjoyable. And FYI calling someone damaged (which you don't if PP is) is victim blaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell no. I’m so sorry OP, I can only imagine how terrifying that must have been, and still is. It would be a long while before we had sex again. And choking would be off the table forever. I don’t know how you put up with that in the first place, the thought of someone’s hands around my neck gives me chills. That would be a total turn off if a man asked to do that to me.

Agree. I didn't know that it was even a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have started exploring healthy BDSM and I LOVE being choked...BUT communication starts outside the bedroom with this. And safewords (or actions for this - mine is a thumbs up) is critical. It's natural to explore these activities and can be amazing - I'm having the best sex ever in my life and can't wear a bikini outside anymore because of the bruises.

Reddit's BDSM forums are better places to look for advice than DCUM.

Please seek therapy. No one should "love" being choked. That is truly sick. People who want to choke = psychos. People who enjoy being choked = damaged. There is no rationalizing this disturbing behavior. FFS your post is so disturbing.

That's pretty judgement of you. Do you also hate all LGBT and other cultural norms? Think about that some.