DH choked me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. We spoke again this morning and I said there will be no more choking again period in any context. He was apologetic and said he has no problem with no longer doing it.

I’m taking some time to myself to think all of this over.

Yeah you kinda overreacted most likely It's understandable, but it was simply poor communication and poor boundary setting.

Sounds like a nothing burger mostly and that you both need to brush up on safety protocols when diving into certain BDSM activities like that again.

Don’t gaslight OP. Her husband was choking her and didn’t stop when she told him to. There was no overreaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. We spoke again this morning and I said there will be no more choking again period in any context. He was apologetic and said he has no problem with no longer doing it.

I’m taking some time to myself to think all of this over.

Yeah you kinda overreacted most likely It's understandable, but it was simply poor communication and poor boundary setting.

Sounds like a nothing burger mostly and that you both need to brush up on safety protocols when diving into certain BDSM activities like that again.

Don’t gaslight OP. Her husband was choking her and didn’t stop when she told him to. There was no overreaction.

You are gaslighting in the other direction.

Catty women on here trying to ruin a relationship seems to be the norm. Misery loves company eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These reactions are insane. it was a bedroom behavior that she has consented to repeatedly in the past. he apologized and she can and should say it is off the table going forward. OP, see what happens after you put the boundaries in place. Jumping to divorce is absurd.
If he has an affair bc he just has to get this kind of kink fulfilled elsewhere, then you have your answer.

Exactly; this would be confirmation that he is a sociopath if he so badly needs to hurt someone that he ends up cheating in order to do it.

OP, you were clear in putting your foot down. At a minimum this is safer because he is not a good lover if he is not hearing/looking/noticing you- which is weird/incompatible if he is into choking.

Which makes me wonder if it's about more than the choking. Makes me wonder what the rest of your relationship is like.

-too scared of brain damage to ever deoxygenate my brain in any way for any reason. Not sexy!

[Anonymous]

File a police report, OP. You need to establish a paper trail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:File a police report, OP. You need to establish a paper trail.

WTF

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m so sorry. This isn’t about your DH, who honestly sounds like a sick F. This is about why you devalued yourself and indulged him with this BS. Get therapy and then leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. We spoke again this morning and I said there will be no more choking again period in any context. He was apologetic and said he has no problem with no longer doing it.

I’m taking some time to myself to think all of this over.

Yeah you kinda overreacted most likely It's understandable, but it was simply poor communication and poor boundary setting.

Sounds like a nothing burger mostly and that you both need to brush up on safety protocols when diving into certain BDSM activities like that again.

Don’t gaslight OP. Her husband was choking her and didn’t stop when she told him to. There was no overreaction.

You are gaslighting in the other direction.

Catty women on here trying to ruin a relationship seems to be the norm. Misery loves company eh?

You’re cool; you’re not like the other girls! Lol.

OP never wanted to be choked. She went along with it to please her husband. He choked her hard enough that it “terrified” her. Her husband didn’t stop when she said stop. Afterwards, she told him that wasn’t okay. This morning she and her husband agreed that there will be no more choking. What, exactly, was her overreaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ this comment is irrelevant. Start your own thread.

It's not irrelevant. Pretend violence is a huge part of American culture: children playing with toy guns, WWE, violent movies and TV shows, etc. What makes pretend sexual violence so different?

It is not pretend if you are actually causing pain to another person, even if you say it is "consensual".

Boxing, wrestling, tackling, football cause pain with significant risks of long term damage, and these are accepted forms of entertainment.

I have never understood the appeal of them either. And your post doesn't address the idea of real versus pretend. These are real violence also. Real people get hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. We spoke again this morning and I said there will be no more choking again period in any context. He was apologetic and said he has no problem with no longer doing it.

I’m taking some time to myself to think all of this over.

Yeah you kinda overreacted most likely It's understandable, but it was simply poor communication and poor boundary setting.

Sounds like a nothing burger mostly and that you both need to brush up on safety protocols when diving into certain BDSM activities like that again.

Don’t gaslight OP. Her husband was choking her and didn’t stop when she told him to. There was no overreaction.

You are gaslighting in the other direction.

Catty women on here trying to ruin a relationship seems to be the norm. Misery loves company eh?

DP. Nope. Many women don't want their partner to *hurt* them during sex. This is not catty. It is not miserable. Being a person who needs violence to turn you on must be miserable. Deep down, you know you are a sicko.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have started exploring healthy BDSM and I LOVE being choked...BUT communication starts outside the bedroom with this. And safewords (or actions for this - mine is a thumbs up) is critical. It's natural to explore these activities and can be amazing - I'm having the best sex ever in my life and can't wear a bikini outside anymore because of the bruises.

Reddit's BDSM forums are better places to look for advice than DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Had a boyfriend who was mildly into this stuff for a while. We had ground rules in advance including no choking ever. Too risky and honestly not fun for me. Exploring anything new was always a careful move with lots of check ins, etc. consent in the context of domination /submission is always an interesting concept but necessary. Now married to Mr vanilla and I kinda miss it….!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a boyfriend who was mildly into this stuff for a while. We had ground rules in advance including no choking ever. Too risky and honestly not fun for me. Exploring anything new was always a careful move with lots of check ins, etc. consent in the context of domination /submission is always an interesting concept but necessary. Now married to Mr vanilla and I kinda miss it….!

Yes he's Mr. Vanilla and you're probably Mrs. 5 gallons of Hagen daz

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/strangulation-is-the-highest-predictor-of-murder

Strangulation in any context is the highest predictor of murder.

Let's take a step back here. There is strangulation in the context of a fight and there is choking during sex. Those are two completely different things.

I think the choking epidemic during sex has spiraled out of control. I think the simple solution here is to take choking off the table completely. He took it too far, and he lost his "privilege".

Choking is something you do to yourself, as in I got a peach pit stuck in my throat and someone performed the Heimlich so I didn’t die that day

When someone puts their hands around your throat, even if because you have little self esteem and a lack of boundaries, so you initially gave them permission, it’s still called strangling.

[Anonymous]

He can't keep it hard and keep it exciting without choking their patner. Healthy man has it hard most of the time when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He can't keep it hard and keep it exciting without choking their patner. Healthy man has it hard most of the time when needed.

Yeah, no way I would be anywhere near someone with this kink. I'm 100% comfortable kink shaming someone whose kink can result in the death of their partner.