DH choked me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/strangulation-is-the-highest-predictor-of-murder

Strangulation in any context is the highest predictor of murder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a child, I had to intervene when my dad tried to choke my mother to death. Please spare your children that.

Holy moly.

I’m so sorry for this. My heart breaks for you.

[Anonymous]

I think he’s paying for it and getting to choke all he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH likes to choke in the bedroom. It’s not my thing, but I’ve indulged him. Last night he choked me too hard and I said to stop and he didn’t stop right away.

This made me terrified and I feel really uncomfortable. I told him right after the fact that this was not ok and he apologized. But I still do not feel comfortable around him. What should I do?

It's your turn to choke him in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. We spoke again this morning and I said there will be no more choking again period in any context. He was apologetic and said he has no problem with no longer doing it.

I’m taking some time to myself to think all of this over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/strangulation-is-the-highest-predictor-of-murder

Strangulation in any context is the highest predictor of murder.

Let's take a step back here. There is strangulation in the context of a fight and there is choking during sex. Those are two completely different things.

I think the choking epidemic during sex has spiraled out of control. I think the simple solution here is to take choking off the table completely. He took it too far, and he lost his "privilege".

Ignoring OPs request to stop is not “taking it too far.” It is an abuse of power and took away her safety, both physically and psychologically.

I’d never give him the privilege of my body again until he did some therapy.

Intimacy is supposed to be play. Kink looks dangerous but should never intruder on someone’s actual sense of consent, safety, or wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/strangulation-is-the-highest-predictor-of-murder

Strangulation in any context is the highest predictor of murder.

Let's take a step back here. There is strangulation in the context of a fight and there is choking during sex. Those are two completely different things.

I think the choking epidemic during sex has spiraled out of control. I think the simple solution here is to take choking off the table completely. He took it too far, and he lost his "privilege".

Ignoring OPs request to stop is not “taking it too far.” It is an abuse of power and took away her safety, both physically and psychologically.

I’d never give him the privilege of my body again until he did some therapy.

Intimacy is supposed to be play. Kink looks dangerous but should never intruder on someone’s actual sense of consent, safety, or wellbeing.

Choking is dangerous no matter what and shouldn’t happen. But the facts around the request to stop matter. Since she was being choked, was she tapping out? How was the stop being executed? If he innocently didn’t understand that seems like a good reason to stop altogether given the difficulty communicating when being deprived oxygen and breath. If he intentionally kept going… well that’s a whole different kettle of fish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take some classes in Brazilian ju jitsu. Learn a few chokeholds and submission techniques. The next time he tries it and won't stop, break a few bones

Just kick his balls, see how he likes to be kinky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t take this seriously, it can result in death. Please think of your future self - don’t you owe it to her to be safe?

Or your children.

[Anonymous]

Consider that he likes to see you nearly dead in order to get off. How does that make you feel?

[Anonymous]

OP here. To answer some questions…he said he did not notice I said no. I just don’t want to try it anymore at this point.

[Anonymous]

"Last night he choked me too hard and I said to stop and he didn’t stop right away."

This is abuse. This will escalate. Get help today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To answer some questions…he said he did not notice I said no. I just don’t want to try it anymore at this point.

Do you understand that the whole premise is concerning. Choking someone and looking at them at the brink of being alive for sexual pleasure is just…so wrong.