I want to drop the rope on being mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - DH has one of those big jobs (think big law/finance) where they work a lot of hours. So it’s very hard for me to even rely on him not being pulled into a call or emergency. He helps more on the weekends but during the week it’s usually all me.

I mean....what do you want us to say? You need to make changes somewhere. Quit your job. Tell DH he needs a new one. Go part time. Hire help.

This. I get frustrated with OPs like you (and they are common) because the reality is your situation is not that unique or difficult. Every multiple kid family has to figure out the right combination of job time, parenting time, outsourcing, family help, kid activities that works for them financially and logistically.

I am an attorney and my DH has a busy job that he values so I don't work big law. We don't have family around. We use babysitters when we need to, outsource some household tasks to free up time, and drive our kids places ourselves or carpool. Also, we only had two kids and limit activities more than some other families. I have also accepted that this phase of life is just kind of hard and I will be tired and feel like I am running around with my hair on fire sometime. My kids rooms are kind of a mess and I do not find enough time to declutter.

You are extremely fortunate in that you have a lot of money, which can solve many of your issues. Maybe get an au pair? If you don't wish to use money to solve problems or get an au pair, one of you probably needs to change something about your job, your DH needs to do more (I seriously doubt all of his "emergencies" are related to), or you need to sack up and realize you signed up for this by having multiple kids with someone who does not seem interested in being a real partner.

Agree, this is the reality of so many parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway from this thread so far based on some of the responses is that I need to wash our sheets more often than I do.

Why? Just because some random internet harpies might think you’re gross? Are your kids suffering health issues due to your sheet washing schedule? Do they smell bad?

Understand that most of these chores are accomplished according to an individual’s preference. Some of these posters acting like it’s neglect not to wash your kid’s towel every day or only bathe them once a week unless they actually got dirty are out of their minds.

There is a kid my child is friends with that straight up stinks. I am sure that kid has a parent like you. Wash the sheets. Bathe your child or make sure they bath themselves depending on how old they are. Provide clean clothes. This is like the bare minimum of parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway from this thread so far based on some of the responses is that I need to wash our sheets more often than I do.

Why? Just because some random internet harpies might think you’re gross? Are your kids suffering health issues due to your sheet washing schedule? Do they smell bad?

Understand that most of these chores are accomplished according to an individual’s preference. Some of these posters acting like it’s neglect not to wash your kid’s towel every day or only bathe them once a week unless they actually got dirty are out of their minds.

There is a kid my child is friends with that straight up stinks. I am sure that kid has a parent like you. Wash the sheets. Bathe your child or make sure they bath themselves depending on how old they are. Provide clean clothes. This is like the bare minimum of parenting

I can say with 100% certainty that washing your prepubescent child's sheets once a month instead of once a week will not make your child stink. Just not true.

[Anonymous]

Europeans smell much worse than Asians so how much you need to wash and clean will depend on your genes. Most East Asians have a gene mutation that means they have little to no body odor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway from this thread so far based on some of the responses is that I need to wash our sheets more often than I do.

Why? Just because some random internet harpies might think you’re gross? Are your kids suffering health issues due to your sheet washing schedule? Do they smell bad?

Understand that most of these chores are accomplished according to an individual’s preference. Some of these posters acting like it’s neglect not to wash your kid’s towel every day or only bathe them once a week unless they actually got dirty are out of their minds.

There is a kid my child is friends with that straight up stinks. I am sure that kid has a parent like you. Wash the sheets. Bathe your child or make sure they bath themselves depending on how old they are. Provide clean clothes. This is like the bare minimum of parenting

I do all of those things, just not on some random internet twat’s schedule. See how that works?

[Anonymous]

OP how much does your husband make? If you have the coin, fulltime nanny/nanny manager that can drive (and will make the kids dinner/help with homework), then once you get them to high school age, you can send them off to boarding school. This is how the rich do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

Also, no one would say that picking your kid up on time, arranging that they are generally not home alone for hours, and wanting to see them a bit on the weekends is "controlling". Words have meaning, after all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

Also, no one would say that picking your kid up on time, arranging that they are generally not home alone for hours, and wanting to see them a bit on the weekends is "controlling". Words have meaning, after all

Someone would say it, because I just said it.

[Anonymous]

Op - kids are 10 years old and younger. They just don’t care. I have told them to do chores and they do it for a week then quit. They don’t care if they have clean clothes or clean dishes. They don’t care if the house is a mess. I care so I clean and make food.

I don’t actually like much food - I would prefer to never cook another meal for the rest of my life.

Build a chore schedule and assign each kid a role. Each kid gets a different role each week, e.g., one person is in charge of decluttering the common spaces, the other in charge of emptying trash cans, one in charge of feeding the cat/dog. Kids alternate each night being the "dinner person" whose responsibility it is to set the table, help put dishes in dishwasher and clean kitchen. ES kids are capable of changing sheets on a bed, gathering up dirty clothes, etc.

There is no screen/fun time until chores are done. Of course they will quit if there is no consequence/incentive. Make it a general 30 minutes each day of "chore time". Put on some fun music and everyone does it. ES age kids are not too young to learn that the family is a system, everyone participates in the orderly functioning of the household and that mom is the manager, not the indentured servant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

Also, no one would say that picking your kid up on time, arranging that they are generally not home alone for hours, and wanting to see them a bit on the weekends is "controlling". Words have meaning, after all

Someone would say it, because I just said it.

I’m going to say it too.

I will say that I read “leaving him home for a couple of hours” as running into work or going to get the oil changed on her car. If she’s leaving him alone at night to go out with the new boyfriend, that’s different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .