Reply to I want to drop the rope on being mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me. 
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now. [/quote]

This isn't working smarter, not harder.  This is just neglect.  You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?  [/quote]

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.[/quote]

DP.  Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP.  But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.  [/quote]

None of that even “verges into” neglectful.  Not the way you choose to parent?  Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect.  Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.[/quote]

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child.  The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.  [/quote]

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself.  Your mom friends gossip about you , too.[/quote]

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives.  It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid.  I guess you have a different take.  Why are you so bent out of shape here?[/quote]

DP.  I read through this.  The child only has an activity after school once a week.  I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day.  If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do.  My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.  
They also ride their bikes to and from school.  I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him.  Why would pp fight this?  
[/quote]

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent...  After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all.  But even if there were, that's not really the point.  This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there.  If he could ride his bike home, then great.  Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect.  Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

[/quote]

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