I want to drop the rope on being mom

[Anonymous]

I make my kids wash their clothes and fold them, plus their sheets and then make the bed. They also make their school lunches. My 9 yo has expressed interest in earning money, so he unloads the dishwasher most days.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP that you sound depressed. Can you get away for a weekend by yourself and just "reset"? Take long walks, maybe get a massage, see a movie, relax by a pool?

Then come back and see if you can lighten the load by: (1) not caring as much if your house is cluttered/messy - it's your stage of life now; (2) up the cleaners to once per week; (3) reduce the kids' activities that involve driving them places; and (4) order in more meals or get prepared meals so you're not cooking/cleaning up more than 4x a week (and sheet pan meals make for much easier clean up).

[Anonymous]

Do they have boot camp nannies who come in short term and get things routinized?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - kids are 10 years old and younger. They just don’t care. I have told them to do chores and they do it for a week then quit. They don’t care if they have clean clothes or clean dishes. They don’t care if the house is a mess. I care so I clean and make food.

I don’t actually like much food - I would prefer to never cook another meal for the rest of my life.

You need to make them care. Any time they don't put their dirty laundry where it goes, you put it in a bag and they lose it. Eventually they'll have no clothes left. Then they'll care. Get a stool so they can reach the washer and dryer (for kids 6/7 and older) and teach them to move things from washer to dryer, dryer to laundry basket to be folded. Teach the ones 3 and up to match socks and ball them, fold washcloths and hand towels and pillowcases and pants. You do shirts, sheets, big towels.

Stop letting them do what they want when the house is a mess. They can't leave the kitchen after a meal until they bring their dirty dishes and silverware to the counter next to the sink. The 10 yr old should be emptying the dishwasher. Next oldest can wipe the dinner table after each meal. If you want them to do something, they must do it right now, and can't play first. You are angry at yourself, not them. You are not teaching them discipline and doing what you have to before doing what you want to. Start teaching the 10 yr old to cook. They can make scrambled eggs, omelets, Mac & cheese, salads, sandwiches, cut up fruit
and veg for snacks, etc.

Op - I would just like to stop making food all together and let them figure it out. Same with clothes. If they want to wear dirty clothes it’s their choice. They have to wear uniforms so I can’t take all their clothes away.

At this point I can't tell if OP is clinically depressed, a help-rejecting complainer, or just a garden variety troll.

[Anonymous]

I did a few years ago. I got really depressed and just couldn’t do it. No. DH did not pick up the slack. The kids didn’t get enrolled in activities. I got them to school, and I got to work, and that was about it. They watched a lot of television.
I can’t remember what exactly we ate. A lot of pre-prepared stuff from the grocery store. I think I went to the store about every day and got just enough to get through the next day. I stopped making breakfast and left the kids to get their own.
Laundry was the same. I would wash 2-3 days of school uniforms and some underwear a couple of times a week. No pajamas. No play clothes. The kids and DH did pick up the slack on that.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar family set up, but my work is flexible/from home and I make half of what you make. I pick up kids from school and take them to activities. I make dinner most nights (very very simple ones). We have a weekly cleaner… you should have a weekly cleaner too. My kids fold all laundry including mine and my husband’s.

Since you make a lot, you can hire a nanny or driver.

[Anonymous]

Outsource. You and your spouse make too much not to outsource your housework, especially if it’s causing you stress and resentment. Get a housekeeper. Find one that cooks and cleans. Nanny to ferry the children. You can either wallow in resentment or accept that you need to pay to make it better.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm sorry. You sound like you're just totally burned out right now.

1. Show your husband your post. Tell him to treat it seriously. You need help and you need it now.

2. Find a therapist. They can be hard to find these days but it sounds like you have a good job, and the EAP at your work may be able to help.

3. Give yourself a short-term break by doing the following, or having your husband do it for you.

- Start outsourcing your laundry immediately. There are multiple services in the area you can use.
- Commit to ordering in meals for the next week, and eat on paper plates etc.
- The end of year stuff... that I think you can mostly just drop.

The longer-term solution for this is as follows.

- You need to figure out how to do less
- Your husband needs to figure out how to do more
- You and your husband need to parent your kids into functional humans that contribute.

That last part is the hardest part of all of this. But figure out what motivates them, and use it to get them to contribute.

Hang in there OP.

[Anonymous]

Why did you have so many kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they have boot camp nannies who come in short term and get things routinized?

Yes, they are called PARENTS. Do the work of parenting your children that you chose to have.

[Anonymous]

You need to hire more help. Weekly cleaner, someone to meal prep, do laundry, pick up the older kids from school and take them to activities etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - DH has one of those big jobs (think big law/finance) where they work a lot of hours. So it’s very hard for me to even rely on him not being pulled into a call or emergency. He helps more on the weekends but during the week it’s usually all me.

I can tell you this excuse is BS. My DH is a c-suite executive and when he knew he had to pick up the slack suddenly he has the flexibility to do it. Unless your DH is in his first few years in big law or I banking he has flexibility. Your DH is playing you for a fool. When I was in big law (hate that term) partners used to come into the office to socialize, put their feet on the desk and read the newspaper, etc. to get away from their families. It’s well known and don’t fall for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - kids are 10 years old and younger. They just don’t care. I have told them to do chores and they do it for a week then quit. They don’t care if they have clean clothes or clean dishes. They don’t care if the house is a mess. I care so I clean and make food.

I don’t actually like much food - I would prefer to never cook another meal for the rest of my life.

You need to make them care. Any time they don't put their dirty laundry where it goes, you put it in a bag and they lose it. Eventually they'll have no clothes left. Then they'll care. Get a stool so they can reach the washer and dryer (for kids 6/7 and older) and teach them to move things from washer to dryer, dryer to laundry basket to be folded. Teach the ones 3 and up to match socks and ball them, fold washcloths and hand towels and pillowcases and pants. You do shirts, sheets, big towels.

Stop letting them do what they want when the house is a mess. They can't leave the kitchen after a meal until they bring their dirty dishes and silverware to the counter next to the sink. The 10 yr old should be emptying the dishwasher. Next oldest can wipe the dinner table after each meal. If you want them to do something, they must do it right now, and can't play first. You are angry at yourself, not them. You are not teaching them discipline and doing what you have to before doing what you want to. Start teaching the 10 yr old to cook. They can make scrambled eggs, omelets, Mac & cheese, salads, sandwiches, cut up fruit
and veg for snacks, etc.

Op - I would just like to stop making food all together and let them figure it out. Same with clothes. If they want to wear dirty clothes it’s their choice. They have to wear uniforms so I can’t take all their clothes away.

At this point I can't tell if OP is clinically depressed, a help-rejecting complainer, or just a garden variety troll.

my vote is help rejecting complainer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they have boot camp nannies who come in short term and get things routinized?

I'm a single mom and a teacher and I'll totally do this. My kid can come too and teach them. I used to be a nanny for wealthy families and I taught their kids to do for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. This stuff that annoys you will go away when the kids go away. Part of being a parent.