I want to drop the rope on being mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

Also, no one would say that picking your kid up on time, arranging that they are generally not home alone for hours, and wanting to see them a bit on the weekends is "controlling". Words have meaning, after all

Someone would say it, because I just said it.

Cool. You would be wrong, because those things are not controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can drop the rope to a point. I did that recently - first one day per week now two. The first couple weeks were rough I will not lie. There were a couple games, etc. where the kids didn’t have what they needed or weren’t fed. Now he has it down. I think it also has helped his relationship with the kids a lot in so many ways. I had to just let it go and not swoop in to fix things or do it my way. We have a set schedule now where he is in charge of everything on two set weekdays every week. You got it OP.

It is never acceptable to not feed your children to prove a point.

Agree but you can drop the rope to an extreme degree and still feed them. Do one night take out, one night rice and beans, one night pasta with sauce, one night grilled cheese with carrot sticks. Serve fruit with each.

OP, we hired someone who was retired that worked 2-7 and would unload dishwasher, put in laundry, get kids from school. Take them to after school activities and wipe down kitchen counters. We paid her a lot but it was worth it. You definitely need something like that. We lost her during the pandemic when she decided to just retire. Our replacement has been to rely heavily on car pooling. If your kids are that young they should only be activities with other kids from school so you can arrange car pools. So you’re only driving 1-2 nights a week. And husband can get home to do it once a week and work from the car while kids are at practice. My husband is a big law partner and is sort of famous on our kids sports teams for working during practices, during half time, etc.

You probably can’t just walk away (although I used to fantasize about that sometimes and was writing a home girl type novel in my head, but more gone mom) …. But you can probably scale down a lot of what you are doing and no one will really care.

And you can make the kids do more — clean their plates, unload disahwasher, wipe kitchen counters, swiffer or vacuum. You’ll need to nah a little or pay them but they can do that stuff.

I did let my kids keep their rooms pretty messy—that has been part of dropping the rope.

Your husband is a law partner and you feed them crap and burden everyone else with driving them around? Geez, talk about poor priorities

Carpools aren’t burdening people. We drive their kids when it’s our turn and they drive ours when it’s their turn. They are all working parents so it benefits all of us. If you have dual working parents you really need to build that community of supportive parents. I am ways the first to offer to give other kids a ride if I am driving anyplace. It makes zero sense for all of us to be in our separate cars all driving the same places!

I guess your version of “crap” is also different than mine. As a working mom, no I am not feeding my kids three course elaborate dinners every night. Beans and rice is supper healthy and they love it. Add some chopped veggie and a side of fruit and it’s even better. Pasta with Raos, fresh parm, milk and a side of fruit is also a pretty good dinner. Add a side salad if your kids will eat that. I’m not sure how the law partner thing factors in…should we be hiring a chef to cook for us? That would probably be less healthy considering how much better and salt most chefs use!

You sound so judgemental. I think this is why people aren’t having kids. Because they can’t meet someone’s standards of perfection. It’s okay to be less than perfect. Over the course of human history, most kids were raised by kids who were less than perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

I think we are reading different things into the post.
I’m reading it as an anxious person who has had to be a lot less anxious since her husband died. Sometimes work goes a little late, and she shows up 10 minutes late. That’s okay. Sometimes she has to run in unexpectedly or the only time she can schedule an oil change is when her child is home, and it’s okay if he’s home alone for a little while.

I think you are reading this as someone who shows up 30 minutes late to pick up her child because she had to watch the end of real housewives, then leaves him home alone while she goes out to the bar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

I think we are reading different things into the post.
I’m reading it as an anxious person who has had to be a lot less anxious since her husband died. Sometimes work goes a little late, and she shows up 10 minutes late. That’s okay. Sometimes she has to run in unexpectedly or the only time she can schedule an oil change is when her child is home, and it’s okay if he’s home alone for a little while.

I think you are reading this as someone who shows up 30 minutes late to pick up her child because she had to watch the end of real housewives, then leaves him home alone while she goes out to the bar.

I think the fact that so many neighbors and relatives are offering to pick up and watch this child might be an indication that this PP is being a somewhat neglectful. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

I think we are reading different things into the post.
I’m reading it as an anxious person who has had to be a lot less anxious since her husband died. Sometimes work goes a little late, and she shows up 10 minutes late. That’s okay. Sometimes she has to run in unexpectedly or the only time she can schedule an oil change is when her child is home, and it’s okay if he’s home alone for a little while.

I think you are reading this as someone who shows up 30 minutes late to pick up her child because she had to watch the end of real housewives, then leaves him home alone while she goes out to the bar.

I really don't think anything like that at all. But the post has the sense of someone -- sort of like OP herself -- that is a bit depressed and just doesn't want to care anymore. She could be at work, running an errand, whatever...she doesn't care that she was supposed to be somewhere 10, 20, 30, minutes ago for her kid. She has X, Y, Z to do today, she's going to do those things whenever, regardless of her son's schedule. She hasn't stopped to think why neighbors are requesting to take her son so often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

I think we are reading different things into the post.
I’m reading it as an anxious person who has had to be a lot less anxious since her husband died. Sometimes work goes a little late, and she shows up 10 minutes late. That’s okay. Sometimes she has to run in unexpectedly or the only time she can schedule an oil change is when her child is home, and it’s okay if he’s home alone for a little while.

I think you are reading this as someone who shows up 30 minutes late to pick up her child because she had to watch the end of real housewives, then leaves him home alone while she goes out to the bar.

I think the fact that so many neighbors and relatives are offering to pick up and watch this child might be an indication that this PP is being a somewhat neglectful. . .

Yikes. Please can we all give each other some grace? We all need our community, and relying on one is not a sign of weakness or neglect. PP, I hope you and your family are doing well - it's sounds like you're making good choices for your sanity and your kid's connection to their community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

I think we are reading different things into the post.
I’m reading it as an anxious person who has had to be a lot less anxious since her husband died. Sometimes work goes a little late, and she shows up 10 minutes late. That’s okay. Sometimes she has to run in unexpectedly or the only time she can schedule an oil change is when her child is home, and it’s okay if he’s home alone for a little while.

I think you are reading this as someone who shows up 30 minutes late to pick up her child because she had to watch the end of real housewives, then leaves him home alone while she goes out to the bar.

I think the fact that so many neighbors and relatives are offering to pick up and watch this child might be an indication that this PP is being a somewhat neglectful. . .

Or maybe they know the poor kid’s father died and they’re doing their best to be nice. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

I think we are reading different things into the post.
I’m reading it as an anxious person who has had to be a lot less anxious since her husband died. Sometimes work goes a little late, and she shows up 10 minutes late. That’s okay. Sometimes she has to run in unexpectedly or the only time she can schedule an oil change is when her child is home, and it’s okay if he’s home alone for a little while.

I think you are reading this as someone who shows up 30 minutes late to pick up her child because she had to watch the end of real housewives, then leaves him home alone while she goes out to the bar.

I think the fact that so many neighbors and relatives are offering to pick up and watch this child might be an indication that this PP is being a somewhat neglectful. . .

Or maybe they know the poor kid’s father died and they’re doing their best to be nice. Duh.

There appear to be a lot of folks in this PP's world who might think she is struggling, (yes, presumably due to the loss of her partner). Whose works sends them home with food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

I think we are reading different things into the post.
I’m reading it as an anxious person who has had to be a lot less anxious since her husband died. Sometimes work goes a little late, and she shows up 10 minutes late. That’s okay. Sometimes she has to run in unexpectedly or the only time she can schedule an oil change is when her child is home, and it’s okay if he’s home alone for a little while.

I think you are reading this as someone who shows up 30 minutes late to pick up her child because she had to watch the end of real housewives, then leaves him home alone while she goes out to the bar.

I think the fact that so many neighbors and relatives are offering to pick up and watch this child might be an indication that this PP is being a somewhat neglectful. . .

Or maybe they know the poor kid’s father died and they’re doing their best to be nice. Duh.

There appear to be a lot of folks in this PP's world who might think she is struggling, (yes, presumably due to the loss of her partner). Whose works sends them home with food?

Jesus. Time for me (and definitely you) to get off the Internet for the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should hire help -- plenty of it -- OP.

But here's a small thing we do -- 20 minutes before it's time to head up for bedtime, everyone in my house fully stops what they are doing and we all tidy up together. We put on some music from Alexa while we do -- kids get to rotate who picks the music, they love that Every toy or every other single piece of "stuff" that any kid was using or playing with gets put away where it belongs, every random piece of paper gets put in the right pile, folder, etc.. every sport or activity item gets put in the right bag or cubby. You get the idea. Every dish gets quickly rinsed and placed in the dishwasher, and the dishwasher gets started. Anything else that was out from dinner gets put back in fridge or cabinet. Table and counters get a super quick wipe down with an all-purpose cleaner. Kitchen and eating area floor get a quick sweep. We rotate who does what, and since we all do it together, it takes only 20 minutes. It is a non-negotiable ingrained part of our routine.

Then, when I come downstairs after putting everyone to bed, the only thing that is left is hand washing things like pots that couldn't go in the dishwasher.

Put everything in the dishwasher. Invest in stuff that will hold up in there. We put our water bottles (all Yeti because they don't have stupid extra parts and do great in the dishwasher), our pots and pans (All Clad), knives (Wusthof), blender (VitaMix), you name it in there. It's been life changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

I think we are reading different things into the post.
I’m reading it as an anxious person who has had to be a lot less anxious since her husband died. Sometimes work goes a little late, and she shows up 10 minutes late. That’s okay. Sometimes she has to run in unexpectedly or the only time she can schedule an oil change is when her child is home, and it’s okay if he’s home alone for a little while.

I think you are reading this as someone who shows up 30 minutes late to pick up her child because she had to watch the end of real housewives, then leaves him home alone while she goes out to the bar.

I think the fact that so many neighbors and relatives are offering to pick up and watch this child might be an indication that this PP is being a somewhat neglectful. . .

DP here. OR the kid may be super popular and everyone wants to play with them. OR the neighborhood/school has a community feel to it.

In our neighborhood, our kids are constantly at other's houses. We hang out and have dinner together a lot. We had an issue with our bus for a few weeks and we all came together to carpool all the kids morning and evening. We have sleepovers a lot. None of us are neglectful parents.

Maybe pause for a minute and ask yourself why (1) you feel good dumping on a stranger on the internet for the way they parent and (2) why you would read that post with such a negative outlook (i.e. assuming that the PP is neglectful instead of assuming that her kid is well-liked). We all read the same post but some of us didn't come away from it thinking we needed to school this mom on how she does things nor reading the worst possible version of events. Why did you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

I think we are reading different things into the post.
I’m reading it as an anxious person who has had to be a lot less anxious since her husband died. Sometimes work goes a little late, and she shows up 10 minutes late. That’s okay. Sometimes she has to run in unexpectedly or the only time she can schedule an oil change is when her child is home, and it’s okay if he’s home alone for a little while.

I think you are reading this as someone who shows up 30 minutes late to pick up her child because she had to watch the end of real housewives, then leaves him home alone while she goes out to the bar.

I think the fact that so many neighbors and relatives are offering to pick up and watch this child might be an indication that this PP is being a somewhat neglectful. . .

DP here. OR the kid may be super popular and everyone wants to play with them. OR the neighborhood/school has a community feel to it.

In our neighborhood, our kids are constantly at other's houses. We hang out and have dinner together a lot. We had an issue with our bus for a few weeks and we all came together to carpool all the kids morning and evening. We have sleepovers a lot. None of us are neglectful parents.

Maybe pause for a minute and ask yourself why (1) you feel good dumping on a stranger on the internet for the way they parent and (2) why you would read that post with such a negative outlook (i.e. assuming that the PP is neglectful instead of assuming that her kid is well-liked). We all read the same post but some of us didn't come away from it thinking we needed to school this mom on how she does things nor reading the worst possible version of events. Why did you?

Why did I?

Well. . . because for 10 pages everyone told OP she can't rope drop afternoon care and driving her kids. Everyone said get an afternoon nanny. No one said, "it's a great plan; if your kids are well liked, your neighbors will just pick them up and host them and take them places."

And because this site is filled with posts about how no one has a village anymore.
And posts about how "I didn't stay at home or flex my hours to watch and drive other people's kids" "I'm not your childcare".
And posts about how not to do favors for parents who don't reciprocate because people like that are takers.
And posts about how kids are never around anymore in the neighborhood or for playdates because they are in too many scheduled activities.

So forgive me, amidst all that, for positing that the reason so many neighbors and relatives are requesting to pick up and host PP's son is, at least in part, because she lost her partner and these folks can see that he is not getting the amount of adult attention and supervision he should.

It's not bleak or cynical; the neighbors are being lovely and kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I limited everything, but not because it was too much ever. I have always been in the 'the goal is not to get more done, but have less to do' camp.
I work part time, which is possible, because I stumbled into investing. Money makes money while I'm on my daily stroll.
Kid has only one activity once a week and it's right after school and in school. He can also stay on the playground without me. I get there when I get there.
He is picked up for playdates all the time by other parents at their request from shool or from our house.
DC is at relatives or traveling almost every weekend at their request.
I can't cook, which is great as I don't have to clean a whole lot. Never even used the dishwasher. I eat salads, soups, and the kid eats easy dinners. My work also sends food home with me.
The kid does not get fresh sweatpants and hoodie every day. Just t-shirt, underwear, socks.
I leave him home for few hours if I have something to do; easier for everyone.
We lost my partner who had previously done 70% of the work and life got so much easier.
Most of it was unnecessary including all the shopping he did. DC loves that he hasn't been to grocery stores, running endless errands, or shopping for two years now.

This isn't working smarter, not harder. This is just neglect. You send your kid to school in dirty clothes and rely on other parents to drive him around or pick him up from school?

None of what PP described is neglect you psychopath.

DP. Any nothing you responded to was psychopathic, sooo...

The minimal activities, easy dinners, laundry preferences, and heavy help from neighbors is not how I roll, but sounds fine if it works for that PP. But regularly not managing to make it on time to pick the kid up from his mere one activity, having him stay home alone for hours if PP "has something to do", and never saying no to the relatives' requests so PP spend zero weekends with her kid, is starting to verge into neglectful (especially depending on age, which PP hasn't told us), or at the least is all pretty sh*tty.

None of that even “verges into” neglectful. Not the way you choose to parent? Understandable.

But lots of kids actually suffer from real neglect. Words have meaning, regardless of how much of a dopamine hit you get from judging sub par moms on the internet.

Those three things do indeed verge into neglectful parenting, which is defined as lack of interest or responsiveness to a child. The hoodies not washed everyday and the rides arranged with neighbors do not.

Some might argue that allowing a child to stay home alone for hours or go to the playground by himself is building independence and resourcefulness, while constantly hovering and helicoptering and being TOO interested (ie controlling) is its own form of neglect.

But enjoy getting off on thinking you’re above reproach from equally judgy folks like yourself. Your mom friends gossip about you , too.

This mom has to pick up her son only once a week, but she "gets there when she gets there", he stays home for hours alone whenever she has "something to do", and she has no qualms about him spending every weekend away from her with relatives. It's my opinion that this is more than independence-building; it's verging on someone who sounds like she doesn't have much interest in her kid. I guess you have a different take. Why are you so bent out of shape here?

DP. I read through this. The child only has an activity after school once a week. I would assume that he needs to get picked up from school every school day. If kids are allowed to play on the playground after school, there are probably multiple kids doing that.

And my kids stay home if I have something else to do. My 10 year old is at home alone right now while I’m waiting for my 13 year old to finish her piano lesson.
They also ride their bikes to and from school. I don’t drop them off or pick them up at all!!

Also, the kid’s dad died. I’m guessing that a lot of the relatives who want to see him are his paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles and such who still want to have a relationship with him. Why would pp fight this?

Or he takes the bus home the other days, or gets a ride with another parent... After school activities usually let out like a full hour to 1.5 hours after school ends; there are not many kids around at that time at all. But even if there were, that's not really the point. This parent seems just not to care -- she gets there when she gets there. If he could ride his bike home, then great. Apparently they don't live somewhere where that will work.

If she said he was home alone because she has to work, or because she has to take another kid to an activity, then that would be very different in terms of neglect/not neglect. Again, she seems just not to care...she has rope dropped.

Her post gives the sense that she doesn't care . . .

I think we are reading different things into the post.
I’m reading it as an anxious person who has had to be a lot less anxious since her husband died. Sometimes work goes a little late, and she shows up 10 minutes late. That’s okay. Sometimes she has to run in unexpectedly or the only time she can schedule an oil change is when her child is home, and it’s okay if he’s home alone for a little while.

I think you are reading this as someone who shows up 30 minutes late to pick up her child because she had to watch the end of real housewives, then leaves him home alone while she goes out to the bar.

I think the fact that so many neighbors and relatives are offering to pick up and watch this child might be an indication that this PP is being a somewhat neglectful. . .

DP here. OR the kid may be super popular and everyone wants to play with them. OR the neighborhood/school has a community feel to it.

In our neighborhood, our kids are constantly at other's houses. We hang out and have dinner together a lot. We had an issue with our bus for a few weeks and we all came together to carpool all the kids morning and evening. We have sleepovers a lot. None of us are neglectful parents.

Maybe pause for a minute and ask yourself why (1) you feel good dumping on a stranger on the internet for the way they parent and (2) why you would read that post with such a negative outlook (i.e. assuming that the PP is neglectful instead of assuming that her kid is well-liked). We all read the same post but some of us didn't come away from it thinking we needed to school this mom on how she does things nor reading the worst possible version of events. Why did you?

Why did I?

Well. . . because for 10 pages everyone told OP she can't rope drop afternoon care and driving her kids. Everyone said get an afternoon nanny. No one said, "it's a great plan; if your kids are well liked, your neighbors will just pick them up and host them and take them places."

And because this site is filled with posts about how no one has a village anymore.
And posts about how "I didn't stay at home or flex my hours to watch and drive other people's kids" "I'm not your childcare".
And posts about how not to do favors for parents who don't reciprocate because people like that are takers.
And posts about how kids are never around anymore in the neighborhood or for playdates because they are in too many scheduled activities.

So forgive me, amidst all that, for positing that the reason so many neighbors and relatives are requesting to pick up and host PP's son is, at least in part, because she lost her partner and these folks can see that he is not getting the amount of adult attention and supervision he should.

It's not bleak or cynical; the neighbors are being lovely and kind.

NP.

This site is good for nothing but brain rot. We’re all addicted to the dopamine hit we get from arguing to varying degrees, but we’re also ruining our own mental health and critical thinking ability with every minute spent here.

So I want to thank you, because reading your latest post has scared me straight. I’m done with this site; no good can come of it.