Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This conversation is interesting. I wouldn't get too hung up on whether not I'm right to dislike this kid -- I feel confident in my assessment here. I've known this child and her parents since K, so five years. I'm not basing my assessment in just a few months of my kid complaining -- I've personally witnessed this child's behavior enough to know that when DD complains about it, I understand the context. I've interacted with this kid a lot and also watched her interact with both my DD and other kids and adults.

My friend's complaint was specifically with me referring to this kid the way you might describe a difficult neighbor or coworker, like "oh yeah, they are an a**hole." I know my friend would have no problem with me describing a bad neighbor that way. So I was surprised that she drew the line regarding a kid she doesn't know. She has kids, so I don't know if she just feels bothered by the idea of someone referring to her kids that way, or just generally doesn't think you should ever call a kid an a**hole.

No one has written anything here that changed my mind, though it does seem some people just don't like vulgarity I'm general or applied to kids. Would people have a different opinion if I called the kid a jerk? I would not call her a bully because I don't think her behavior is bullying -- it's more annoying and kind of a downer than anything else. It's the sort of behavior that, in an adult, would make me avoid them as much as I could, which is why I do feel bad for my kid winding up in the same classroom this year, plus we live a few blocks apart so paths overlap quite a bit. My kid doesn't really have the option of avoiding right now. But soon!

NP. If you said what you said to me, I would do a slow fade and keep my kid away from you. I have very little patience for adults who do not give kids space to grow. You do not know what’s going on in this child’s life right now, what she can’t control, and what she is learning.

I think your language was appalling. And I’d feel the same way if you used “jerk,” for what it’s worth. Parents who gossip about kids are generally terrible people and I’d want to stay far, far away.

My friend didn't ask me "hey how's that other kid at the elementary school doing?" She asked how my DD was doing. My DD is doing well except there's a girl in her class who is an a**hole to her and others and that's been trying.

Nothing about that denies that girl a chance to learn or grow. I hope she does. I wish her the best. Right now, she's an a**hole and her behavior impacts my kid, who is the one I'm focused on.

Your kid is doing well except there is one girl who makes her feel insecure and instead of you teaching your DD to be resilient you are teaching her to harbor grievances.

+1

Bullshit. Neither of you have any idea how OP is teaching her daughter to handle anything based on a conversation her daughter wasn't a part of. You're just making something up.

I tell my kid to ignore kids like this, but naming what's wrong with them is part of that. "This person is trash and it's not worth your time to care about how they're trying to make you feel" is a useful way to approach the world.

I would never describe a child as “trash” to anyone, let alone my own child, so yes, it is safe to say our values are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This conversation is interesting. I wouldn't get too hung up on whether not I'm right to dislike this kid -- I feel confident in my assessment here. I've known this child and her parents since K, so five years. I'm not basing my assessment in just a few months of my kid complaining -- I've personally witnessed this child's behavior enough to know that when DD complains about it, I understand the context. I've interacted with this kid a lot and also watched her interact with both my DD and other kids and adults.

My friend's complaint was specifically with me referring to this kid the way you might describe a difficult neighbor or coworker, like "oh yeah, they are an a**hole." I know my friend would have no problem with me describing a bad neighbor that way. So I was surprised that she drew the line regarding a kid she doesn't know. She has kids, so I don't know if she just feels bothered by the idea of someone referring to her kids that way, or just generally doesn't think you should ever call a kid an a**hole.

No one has written anything here that changed my mind, though it does seem some people just don't like vulgarity I'm general or applied to kids. Would people have a different opinion if I called the kid a jerk? I would not call her a bully because I don't think her behavior is bullying -- it's more annoying and kind of a downer than anything else. It's the sort of behavior that, in an adult, would make me avoid them as much as I could, which is why I do feel bad for my kid winding up in the same classroom this year, plus we live a few blocks apart so paths overlap quite a bit. My kid doesn't really have the option of avoiding right now. But soon!

NP. If you said what you said to me, I would do a slow fade and keep my kid away from you. I have very little patience for adults who do not give kids space to grow. You do not know what’s going on in this child’s life right now, what she can’t control, and what she is learning.

I think your language was appalling. And I’d feel the same way if you used “jerk,” for what it’s worth. Parents who gossip about kids are generally terrible people and I’d want to stay far, far away.

My friend didn't ask me "hey how's that other kid at the elementary school doing?" She asked how my DD was doing. My DD is doing well except there's a girl in her class who is an a**hole to her and others and that's been trying.

Nothing about that denies that girl a chance to learn or grow. I hope she does. I wish her the best. Right now, she's an a**hole and her behavior impacts my kid, who is the one I'm focused on.

Your kid is doing well except there is one girl who makes her feel insecure and instead of you teaching your DD to be resilient you are teaching her to harbor grievances.

+1

Bullshit. Neither of you have any idea how OP is teaching her daughter to handle anything based on a conversation her daughter wasn't a part of. You're just making something up.

I tell my kid to ignore kids like this, but naming what's wrong with them is part of that. "This person is trash and it's not worth your time to care about how they're trying to make you feel" is a useful way to approach the world.

It’s funny that you emphasize “making up” details when OP is literally making up a full story about this child when all she has is the stories her own child tells her. Most of us know to be more critical than that. And OP discovered that most people are in fact appalled to hear a child called “trash.” You are welcome to have that kind of black & white view of people (children!) but then you yourself are going to face some judgement (which OP discovered.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This conversation is interesting. I wouldn't get too hung up on whether not I'm right to dislike this kid -- I feel confident in my assessment here. I've known this child and her parents since K, so five years. I'm not basing my assessment in just a few months of my kid complaining -- I've personally witnessed this child's behavior enough to know that when DD complains about it, I understand the context. I've interacted with this kid a lot and also watched her interact with both my DD and other kids and adults.

My friend's complaint was specifically with me referring to this kid the way you might describe a difficult neighbor or coworker, like "oh yeah, they are an a**hole." I know my friend would have no problem with me describing a bad neighbor that way. So I was surprised that she drew the line regarding a kid she doesn't know. She has kids, so I don't know if she just feels bothered by the idea of someone referring to her kids that way, or just generally doesn't think you should ever call a kid an a**hole.

No one has written anything here that changed my mind, though it does seem some people just don't like vulgarity I'm general or applied to kids. Would people have a different opinion if I called the kid a jerk? I would not call her a bully because I don't think her behavior is bullying -- it's more annoying and kind of a downer than anything else. It's the sort of behavior that, in an adult, would make me avoid them as much as I could, which is why I do feel bad for my kid winding up in the same classroom this year, plus we live a few blocks apart so paths overlap quite a bit. My kid doesn't really have the option of avoiding right now. But soon!

NP. If you said what you said to me, I would do a slow fade and keep my kid away from you. I have very little patience for adults who do not give kids space to grow. You do not know what’s going on in this child’s life right now, what she can’t control, and what she is learning.

I think your language was appalling. And I’d feel the same way if you used “jerk,” for what it’s worth. Parents who gossip about kids are generally terrible people and I’d want to stay far, far away.

My friend didn't ask me "hey how's that other kid at the elementary school doing?" She asked how my DD was doing. My DD is doing well except there's a girl in her class who is an a**hole to her and others and that's been trying.

Nothing about that denies that girl a chance to learn or grow. I hope she does. I wish her the best. Right now, she's an a**hole and her behavior impacts my kid, who is the one I'm focused on.

Your kid is doing well except there is one girl who makes her feel insecure and instead of you teaching your DD to be resilient you are teaching her to harbor grievances.

+1

Bullshit. Neither of you have any idea how OP is teaching her daughter to handle anything based on a conversation her daughter wasn't a part of. You're just making something up.

I tell my kid to ignore kids like this, but naming what's wrong with them is part of that. "This person is trash and it's not worth your time to care about how they're trying to make you feel" is a useful way to approach the world.

It’s funny that you emphasize “making up” details when OP is literally making up a full story about this child when all she has is the stories her own child tells her. Most of us know to be more critical than that. And OP discovered that most people are in fact appalled to hear a child called “trash.” You are welcome to have that kind of black & white view of people (children!) but then you yourself are going to face some judgement (which OP discovered.)

+1

And OP lied in her own title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This conversation is interesting. I wouldn't get too hung up on whether not I'm right to dislike this kid -- I feel confident in my assessment here. I've known this child and her parents since K, so five years. I'm not basing my assessment in just a few months of my kid complaining -- I've personally witnessed this child's behavior enough to know that when DD complains about it, I understand the context. I've interacted with this kid a lot and also watched her interact with both my DD and other kids and adults.

My friend's complaint was specifically with me referring to this kid the way you might describe a difficult neighbor or coworker, like "oh yeah, they are an a**hole." I know my friend would have no problem with me describing a bad neighbor that way. So I was surprised that she drew the line regarding a kid she doesn't know. She has kids, so I don't know if she just feels bothered by the idea of someone referring to her kids that way, or just generally doesn't think you should ever call a kid an a**hole.

No one has written anything here that changed my mind, though it does seem some people just don't like vulgarity I'm general or applied to kids. Would people have a different opinion if I called the kid a jerk? I would not call her a bully because I don't think her behavior is bullying -- it's more annoying and kind of a downer than anything else. It's the sort of behavior that, in an adult, would make me avoid them as much as I could, which is why I do feel bad for my kid winding up in the same classroom this year, plus we live a few blocks apart so paths overlap quite a bit. My kid doesn't really have the option of avoiding right now. But soon!

NP. If you said what you said to me, I would do a slow fade and keep my kid away from you. I have very little patience for adults who do not give kids space to grow. You do not know what’s going on in this child’s life right now, what she can’t control, and what she is learning.

I think your language was appalling. And I’d feel the same way if you used “jerk,” for what it’s worth. Parents who gossip about kids are generally terrible people and I’d want to stay far, far away.

My friend didn't ask me "hey how's that other kid at the elementary school doing?" She asked how my DD was doing. My DD is doing well except there's a girl in her class who is an a**hole to her and others and that's been trying.

Nothing about that denies that girl a chance to learn or grow. I hope she does. I wish her the best. Right now, she's an a**hole and her behavior impacts my kid, who is the one I'm focused on.

Your kid is doing well except there is one girl who makes her feel insecure and instead of you teaching your DD to be resilient you are teaching her to harbor grievances.

+1

Bullshit. Neither of you have any idea how OP is teaching her daughter to handle anything based on a conversation her daughter wasn't a part of. You're just making something up.

I tell my kid to ignore kids like this, but naming what's wrong with them is part of that. "This person is trash and it's not worth your time to care about how they're trying to make you feel" is a useful way to approach the world.

It’s funny that you emphasize “making up” details when OP is literally making up a full story about this child when all she has is the stories her own child tells her. Most of us know to be more critical than that. And OP discovered that most people are in fact appalled to hear a child called “trash.” You are welcome to have that kind of black & white view of people (children!) but then you yourself are going to face some judgement (which OP discovered.)

+1

And OP lied in her own title.

OP did not call the kid "trash", and no one has been discussing calling a child "trash". Some random PP on page 11 of this thread called a child trash, and that was the first mention of the term.

OP did not lie in her title. The title is a question, with no statements of facts, ha. Her original post states quite clearly that she called the kid an ***hole; no hiding it, no qualms.

OP's assessment of the kid is not based purely on her DD's word (which is not worthless, BTW -- she's 10, not 4). OP has clarified that it is based on 5 years of seeing this child interact with others at school & the neighborhood. Some of us are involved members of our community.

OP has not told us how she is discussing this kid with her DD, so we do not know. You're making things up.

Teaching your child to be resilient does not mean gaslighting them about the other kid's behavior. You give the behavior a child-appropriate negative label -- "she says hurtful things designed to get attention, which is mean", "she's a sore winner", whatever..., and you teach your kid to ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This conversation is interesting. I wouldn't get too hung up on whether not I'm right to dislike this kid -- I feel confident in my assessment here. I've known this child and her parents since K, so five years. I'm not basing my assessment in just a few months of my kid complaining -- I've personally witnessed this child's behavior enough to know that when DD complains about it, I understand the context. I've interacted with this kid a lot and also watched her interact with both my DD and other kids and adults.

My friend's complaint was specifically with me referring to this kid the way you might describe a difficult neighbor or coworker, like "oh yeah, they are an a**hole." I know my friend would have no problem with me describing a bad neighbor that way. So I was surprised that she drew the line regarding a kid she doesn't know. She has kids, so I don't know if she just feels bothered by the idea of someone referring to her kids that way, or just generally doesn't think you should ever call a kid an a**hole.

No one has written anything here that changed my mind, though it does seem some people just don't like vulgarity I'm general or applied to kids. Would people have a different opinion if I called the kid a jerk? I would not call her a bully because I don't think her behavior is bullying -- it's more annoying and kind of a downer than anything else. It's the sort of behavior that, in an adult, would make me avoid them as much as I could, which is why I do feel bad for my kid winding up in the same classroom this year, plus we live a few blocks apart so paths overlap quite a bit. My kid doesn't really have the option of avoiding right now. But soon!

NP. If you said what you said to me, I would do a slow fade and keep my kid away from you. I have very little patience for adults who do not give kids space to grow. You do not know what’s going on in this child’s life right now, what she can’t control, and what she is learning.

I think your language was appalling. And I’d feel the same way if you used “jerk,” for what it’s worth. Parents who gossip about kids are generally terrible people and I’d want to stay far, far away.

My friend didn't ask me "hey how's that other kid at the elementary school doing?" She asked how my DD was doing. My DD is doing well except there's a girl in her class who is an a**hole to her and others and that's been trying.

Nothing about that denies that girl a chance to learn or grow. I hope she does. I wish her the best. Right now, she's an a**hole and her behavior impacts my kid, who is the one I'm focused on.

Your kid is doing well except there is one girl who makes her feel insecure and instead of you teaching your DD to be resilient you are teaching her to harbor grievances.

+1

Bullshit. Neither of you have any idea how OP is teaching her daughter to handle anything based on a conversation her daughter wasn't a part of. You're just making something up.

I tell my kid to ignore kids like this, but naming what's wrong with them is part of that. "This person is trash and it's not worth your time to care about how they're trying to make you feel" is a useful way to approach the world.

It’s funny that you emphasize “making up” details when OP is literally making up a full story about this child when all she has is the stories her own child tells her. Most of us know to be more critical than that. And OP discovered that most people are in fact appalled to hear a child called “trash.” You are welcome to have that kind of black & white view of people (children!) but then you yourself are going to face some judgement (which OP discovered.)

+1

And OP lied in her own title.

OP did not call the kid "trash", and no one has been discussing calling a child "trash". Some random PP on page 11 of this thread called a child trash, and that was the first mention of the term.

OP did not lie in her title. The title is a question, with no statements of facts, ha. Her original post states quite clearly that she called the kid an ***hole; no hiding it, no qualms.

OP's assessment of the kid is not based purely on her DD's word (which is not worthless, BTW -- she's 10, not 4). OP has clarified that it is based on 5 years of seeing this child interact with others at school & the neighborhood. Some of us are involved members of our community.

OP has not told us how she is discussing this kid with her DD, so we do not know. You're making things up.

Teaching your child to be resilient does not mean gaslighting them about the other kid's behavior. You give the behavior a child-appropriate negative label -- "she says hurtful things designed to get attention, which is mean", "she's a sore winner", whatever..., and you teach your kid to ignore.

Calling a child names is not the same thing as discussing the behavior of a child. OP flat-out lied in her title.

Her title should have been: is it okay to call children who aren’t mine pejorative names? That would have been accurate.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I viewed using the word "a**hole" as a description of the child's behavior. It's "a**hole" behavior. So yes, I was criticizing the child's behavior.

Also my friend's lecture focused on the idea that it's unfair for me to be so negative about this kid because of her age, like she's not responsible for her behavior because she's so young. So I was responding to what my friend said. Others in the thread have argued the same thing, that by calling her an a**hole I wasn't leaving space for her to evolve as a person or something.

Just clarifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I viewed using the word "a**hole" as a description of the child's behavior. It's "a**hole" behavior. So yes, I was criticizing the child's behavior.

Also my friend's lecture focused on the idea that it's unfair for me to be so negative about this kid because of her age, like she's not responsible for her behavior because she's so young. So I was responding to what my friend said. Others in the thread have argued the same thing, that by calling her an a**hole I wasn't leaving space for her to evolve as a person or something.

Just clarifying.

You 100% did not describe her behavior. This is precisely what you wrote that you said in your first post:

Yeah, I'm looking forward to middle because it will be nice to get away from this little ***hole

That’s not remotely describing her behavior. That is calling a child by a pejorative name.

So, yes, you outright lied in your title. You are now trying to wiggle out of it, because of course it is appalling for adults to call children names, but we have your own words here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I viewed using the word "a**hole" as a description of the child's behavior. It's "a**hole" behavior. So yes, I was criticizing the child's behavior.

Also my friend's lecture focused on the idea that it's unfair for me to be so negative about this kid because of her age, like she's not responsible for her behavior because she's so young. So I was responding to what my friend said. Others in the thread have argued the same thing, that by calling her an a**hole I wasn't leaving space for her to evolve as a person or something.

Just clarifying.

That's how I understood it -- your interaction with your friend spurred a broader question. Most of us got it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I viewed using the word "a**hole" as a description of the child's behavior. It's "a**hole" behavior. So yes, I was criticizing the child's behavior.

Also my friend's lecture focused on the idea that it's unfair for me to be so negative about this kid because of her age, like she's not responsible for her behavior because she's so young. So I was responding to what my friend said. Others in the thread have argued the same thing, that by calling her an a**hole I wasn't leaving space for her to evolve as a person or something.

Just clarifying.

You 100% did not describe her behavior. This is precisely what you wrote that you said in your first post:

Yeah, I'm looking forward to middle because it will be nice to get away from this little ***hole

That’s not remotely describing her behavior. That is calling a child by a pejorative name.

So, yes, you outright lied in your title. You are now trying to wiggle out of it, because of course it is appalling for adults to call children names, but we have your own words here.[b]

This PP is a hoot! If it was a bold-faced lie then the jig sure was up when OP wrote write there in black and white in her first post that she called the kid an ***hole. Super devious and sneaky, there, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I viewed using the word "a**hole" as a description of the child's behavior. It's "a**hole" behavior. So yes, I was criticizing the child's behavior.

Also my friend's lecture focused on the idea that it's unfair for me to be so negative about this kid because of her age, like she's not responsible for her behavior because she's so young. So I was responding to what my friend said. Others in the thread have argued the same thing, that by calling her an a**hole I wasn't leaving space for her to evolve as a person or something.

Just clarifying.

You 100% did not describe her behavior. This is precisely what you wrote that you said in your first post:

Yeah, I'm looking forward to middle because it will be nice to get away from this little ***hole

That’s not remotely describing her behavior. That is calling a child by a pejorative name.

So, yes, you outright lied in your title. You are now trying to wiggle out of it, because of course it is appalling for adults to call children names, but we have your own words here.

I absolutely called the kid a name. But yes it was based on behavior, you are skipping over an entire paragraph where I describe the kid's behavior as I also described it to my friend before calling her a "little a**hole."

It's not like I met a kid and decided immediately that she was an a**hole. Nor did I just randomly announce to my friend that the kid is an a**hole with no context. It was how I summarized the kid's personality based on lots of experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I viewed using the word "a**hole" as a description of the child's behavior. It's "a**hole" behavior. So yes, I was criticizing the child's behavior.

Also my friend's lecture focused on the idea that it's unfair for me to be so negative about this kid because of her age, like she's not responsible for her behavior because she's so young. So I was responding to what my friend said. Others in the thread have argued the same thing, that by calling her an a**hole I wasn't leaving space for her to evolve as a person or something.

Just clarifying.

You 100% did not describe her behavior. This is precisely what you wrote that you said in your first post:

Yeah, I'm looking forward to middle because it will be nice to get away from this little ***hole

That’s not remotely describing her behavior. That is calling a child by a pejorative name.

So, yes, you outright lied in your title. You are now trying to wiggle out of it, because of course it is appalling for adults to call children names, but we have your own words here.

I absolutely called the kid a name. But yes it was based on behavior, you are skipping over an entire paragraph where I describe the kid's behavior as I also described it to my friend before calling her a "little a**hole."

It's not like I met a kid and decided immediately that she was an a**hole. Nor did I just randomly announce to my friend that the kid is an a**hole with no context. It was how I summarized the kid's personality based on lots of experience.

Name-calling children like this is not defensible, OP. Come on. Were you taught any manners growing up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I viewed using the word "a**hole" as a description of the child's behavior. It's "a**hole" behavior. So yes, I was criticizing the child's behavior.

Also my friend's lecture focused on the idea that it's unfair for me to be so negative about this kid because of her age, like she's not responsible for her behavior because she's so young. So I was responding to what my friend said. Others in the thread have argued the same thing, that by calling her an a**hole I wasn't leaving space for her to evolve as a person or something.

Just clarifying.

That's how I understood it -- your interaction with your friend spurred a broader question. Most of us got it, OP.

She could have easily described the behavior without the name-calling. But, she did not, and her friend was rightly appalled. OP should be grateful she has a friend willing to identify her bad behavior and gently check her on it. That’s a friend doing OP a kindness, because people who aren’t as good friends would probably just judge OP and walk away without saying anything.

Feeling the need to call children names like that shows a level of significant emotional immaturity from OP. The child is 10. OP is an adult. It’s ridiculous behavior from OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I viewed using the word "a**hole" as a description of the child's behavior. It's "a**hole" behavior. So yes, I was criticizing the child's behavior.

Also my friend's lecture focused on the idea that it's unfair for me to be so negative about this kid because of her age, like she's not responsible for her behavior because she's so young. So I was responding to what my friend said. Others in the thread have argued the same thing, that by calling her an a**hole I wasn't leaving space for her to evolve as a person or something.

Just clarifying.

You 100% did not describe her behavior. This is precisely what you wrote that you said in your first post:

Yeah, I'm looking forward to middle because it will be nice to get away from this little ***hole

That’s not remotely describing her behavior. That is calling a child by a pejorative name.

So, yes, you outright lied in your title. You are now trying to wiggle out of it, because of course it is appalling for adults to call children names, but we have your own words here.

I absolutely called the kid a name. But yes it was based on behavior, you are skipping over an entire paragraph where I describe the kid's behavior as I also described it to my friend before calling her a "little a**hole."

It's not like I met a kid and decided immediately that she was an a**hole. Nor did I just randomly announce to my friend that the kid is an a**hole with no context. It was how I summarized the kid's personality based on lots of experience.

and even at this point you cannot figure out that it says much more about YOUR character than the child’s that you said those things about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I viewed using the word "a**hole" as a description of the child's behavior. It's "a**hole" behavior. So yes, I was criticizing the child's behavior.

Also my friend's lecture focused on the idea that it's unfair for me to be so negative about this kid because of her age, like she's not responsible for her behavior because she's so young. So I was responding to what my friend said. Others in the thread have argued the same thing, that by calling her an a**hole I wasn't leaving space for her to evolve as a person or something.

Just clarifying.

You 100% did not describe her behavior. This is precisely what you wrote that you said in your first post:

Yeah, I'm looking forward to middle because it will be nice to get away from this little ***hole

That’s not remotely describing her behavior. That is calling a child by a pejorative name.

So, yes, you outright lied in your title. You are now trying to wiggle out of it, because of course it is appalling for adults to call children names, but we have your own words here.

I absolutely called the kid a name. But yes it was based on behavior, you are skipping over an entire paragraph where I describe the kid's behavior as I also described it to my friend before calling her a "little a**hole."

It's not like I met a kid and decided immediately that she was an a**hole. Nor did I just randomly announce to my friend that the kid is an a**hole with no context. It was how I summarized the kid's personality based on lots of experience.

and even at this point you cannot figure out that it says much more about YOUR character than the child’s that you said those things about her.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I viewed using the word "a**hole" as a description of the child's behavior. It's "a**hole" behavior. So yes, I was criticizing the child's behavior.

Also my friend's lecture focused on the idea that it's unfair for me to be so negative about this kid because of her age, like she's not responsible for her behavior because she's so young. So I was responding to what my friend said. Others in the thread have argued the same thing, that by calling her an a**hole I wasn't leaving space for her to evolve as a person or something.

Just clarifying.

You 100% did not describe her behavior. This is precisely what you wrote that you said in your first post:

Yeah, I'm looking forward to middle because it will be nice to get away from this little ***hole

That’s not remotely describing her behavior. That is calling a child by a pejorative name.

So, yes, you outright lied in your title. You are now trying to wiggle out of it, because of course it is appalling for adults to call children names, but we have your own words here.

I absolutely called the kid a name. But yes it was based on behavior, you are skipping over an entire paragraph where I describe the kid's behavior as I also described it to my friend before calling her a "little a**hole."

It's not like I met a kid and decided immediately that she was an a**hole. Nor did I just randomly announce to my friend that the kid is an a**hole with no context. It was how I summarized the kid's personality based on lots of experience.

Name-calling children like this is not defensible, OP. Come on. Were you taught any manners growing up?

it’s not just the name calling - it’s holding the kid to some kind of adult-like ideal that is really the tell that OP is a splitter and grievance monger. Lines like this: “ she's also not making much effort to be kind or open-minded and she really relishes winning, which she does a lot.” I mean … the kid is *10*. This sounds wholly like OP is way to fixated on a kid who is just doing normal kid stuff in an effort to assauge anxiety about her own kid.