I got called a doormat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they just found OP annoying, like I do. She seems very full of herself and her perfect little life.

This. She probably came across as smug and they wanted to take her down a peg.

+1 comes across as annoying here, probably is annoying in person.

This.

Plus the fact anyone who reads DCUM for more than a day sees hundreds of OPs 10 years down the road when crying for help and advice when their “amazing” husband has decided to leave them and they have long since stopped working, have no real job skills, but can’t fathom losing their lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op , I get some of this. I have a great husband. I mean sure there are some things that bug me, but as a whole he's an amazing husband and dad. You'll never find me engaging in complaining about him with random friends. I may vent to my two best friends about specific scenarios, but that's it. Some casual friends have made some snide comments to me before. I just look it as your typical middle and high school mean girls. They are jealous of my happy marriage so try to cut me down or make me feel insecure about it.

But I bet you also wouldn't be crowing about how amazing your husband is to some women who are in the middle of a divorce. OP sounds tone deaf and I bet the women got sick of her. I'm sick of her just from reading her posts.

DP. Thank you for the reminder. That’s part of the issue. You don’t brag like that when someone in your crowd is going through a hard time and has seen much more in their marriage/parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

Seriously.

I have a friend whose husband never changed a diaper. I couldn't respect a "dad" like that but it works well enough for her (although she does say he holds all the power in their marriage and she's not happy about that).

Wow, A father who has never changed a diaper .. Ugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

This is the only part that raises flags for me. You are married. The money is yours jointly as should be decisions about home buying and spending money. But it sounds like you are ok with the roles of provider and homemaker despite also contributing financially.

Agree, it sounds like daddy bought the little girl the doll she had seen in the store window. Her phrasing was “a tell.”

OP has old fashioned or childlike views. If she is going back to work, she needs to approach her husband as an equal partner and negotiate a division if home and child care (could include outsourcing, of say cleaning). She will realize this when she is trying ton”do it all.” Her friends undoubtedly meant well.

I’m the OP. Ew and that’s creepy. I’m adult and have an adult view of the world. He’s not my “ daddy”.

We share finances and it’s both ours. He doesn’t care much ahoy homes so he bought the one I wanted the most. I only said that because I know women who have to run every purchase by their husbands. I don’t.

Um no, those of us who make money don't have to do that... But then again, I also consider that my husband and I bought our house together. Is your name even on the deed? You may want to check...

I know high earning physicians who have to run every purchase through their husbands so no OP's DH might have other problems but this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

This is the only part that raises flags for me. You are married. The money is yours jointly as should be decisions about home buying and spending money. But it sounds like you are ok with the roles of provider and homemaker despite also contributing financially.

Agree, it sounds like daddy bought the little girl the doll she had seen in the store window. Her phrasing was “a tell.”

OP has old fashioned or childlike views. If she is going back to work, she needs to approach her husband as an equal partner and negotiate a division if home and child care (could include outsourcing, of say cleaning). She will realize this when she is trying ton”do it all.” Her friends undoubtedly meant well.

I’m the OP. Ew and that’s creepy. I’m adult and have an adult view of the world. He’s not my “ daddy”.

We share finances and it’s both ours. He doesn’t care much ahoy homes so he bought the one I wanted the most. I only said that because I know women who have to run every purchase by their husbands. I don’t.

Um no, those of us who make money don't have to do that... But then again, I also consider that my husband and I bought our house together. Is your name even on the deed? You may want to check...

I know high earning physicians who have to run every purchase through their husbands so no OP's DH might have other problems but this one.

Let’s be clear: they choose to live like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they just found OP annoying, like I do. She seems very full of herself and her perfect little life.

This. She probably came across as smug and they wanted to take her down a peg.

+1 comes across as annoying here, probably is annoying in person.

This.

Plus the fact anyone who reads DCUM for more than a day sees hundreds of OPs 10 years down the road when crying for help and advice when their “amazing” husband has decided to leave them and they have long since stopped working, have no real job skills, but can’t fathom losing their lifestyle.

OP works part time, has her own $700k invested and a joint owner of a house and mother of a CFO's child. She isn't broke or ever going to be so none of that is her problem.

[Anonymous]

*and she has a wealthy family.

[Anonymous]

And this is her only baby who is only 16 weeks old, how do we know she won't go back to full time if she needed to after baby is in school?

[Anonymous]

Some people have financial independence so you can't compare them to average Joe or Jill's struggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they just found OP annoying, like I do. She seems very full of herself and her perfect little life.

This. She probably came across as smug and they wanted to take her down a peg.

+1 comes across as annoying here, probably is annoying in person.

This.

Plus the fact anyone who reads DCUM for more than a day sees hundreds of OPs 10 years down the road when crying for help and advice when their “amazing” husband has decided to leave them and they have long since stopped working, have no real job skills, but can’t fathom losing their lifestyle.

OP works part time, has her own $700k invested and a joint owner of a house and mother of a CFO's child. She isn't broke or ever going to be so none of that is her problem.

I cringed reading this. I guess this is the thinking that makes people think it’s okay to scale back in the workforce. You haven’t read much or been exposed to
much if you think this is going to protect OP down the road.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Cry harder folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Cry harder folks.

With this response I assume you are a troll. If not, I can see those folks didn’t like you much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Cry harder folks.

Why would anyone be crying that you got made fun of by a bunch of women? And are still whining/bothered by it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Cry harder folks.

Ok so you're entirely too much in the right-leaning online world. That's your main problem.

Explain again how he managed to buy you a house with your money, because I still don't understand it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Cry harder folks.

Ok so you're entirely too much in the right-leaning online world. That's your main problem.

Explain again how he managed to buy you a house with your money, because I still don't understand it.

Bought a house with her money and put his name on the title.