Would you be resentful if your partner worked only 3-4 hours a day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people posting in this thread shouldn’t be in any type of relationship, and certainly shouldn’t be married.

What a bunch of lazy, entitled, selfish asshats.

If you’re talking about some of us saying that op is not doing anything wrong, then you should examine your own values. Why do you feel that a partner who earns more, contributes, 50 in Household chores and more than that with kids is lazy or entitled. Because she is a woman? Gross.

No, you freaking weirdo. Because she is LYING to her husband about how much she “works” so that she can laze around the house like a sloth binge watching crap on Netflix rather than getting off her lazy a$$ and doing the grocery shopping or the laundry every once in awhile, so he can have a bit of free time as well. I also guarantee that she doesn’t actually do jacksh!t with the kids, she’s too lazy and self-centered.

OP is an a$$hole, and I hope her husband decides to hit her up style when the eventually divorce.

Well, good luck to the person married to you. You seem like a thoughtful, considerate, well-adjusted person.

I don’t think you know what any of these words mean if you’re defending OP’s behavior…

Never did I say anything about OP. Just about that comment. Name-calling, ranting, cursing… nice.

OP. Thanks for the defense but it’s cool, I know DCUM is mostly people projecting their own problems onto a situation they know little about.

Anyway, thanks for the advice, everyone (especially the person who pointed out im afraid of his reaction, that hit the nail on the head).

I did talk to H today and he’s cool with it, even happy for me. He says he’d do the same if he could.

I guess what I’m worried about is that even though he’s laid back and pulls his weight most of the time, occasionally he does get upset when he perceives things aren’t equal. For example, it’s not uncommon that he’s supposed to do dishes while I put the kids to bed, but he’ll play on his phone or watch TV or whatever instead and leave them for the morning. Which is fine, but if I get up early to do yoga, he’ll come downstairs and see me doing yoga while there’s a big pile of dirty dishes and get snippy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people posting in this thread shouldn’t be in any type of relationship, and certainly shouldn’t be married.

What a bunch of lazy, entitled, selfish asshats.

If you’re talking about some of us saying that op is not doing anything wrong, then you should examine your own values. Why do you feel that a partner who earns more, contributes, 50 in Household chores and more than that with kids is lazy or entitled. Because she is a woman? Gross.

No, you freaking weirdo. Because she is LYING to her husband about how much she “works” so that she can laze around the house like a sloth binge watching crap on Netflix rather than getting off her lazy a$$ and doing the grocery shopping or the laundry every once in awhile, so he can have a bit of free time as well. I also guarantee that she doesn’t actually do jacksh!t with the kids, she’s too lazy and self-centered.

OP is an a$$hole, and I hope her husband decides to hit her up style when the eventually divorce.

Well, good luck to the person married to you. You seem like a thoughtful, considerate, well-adjusted person.

I don’t think you know what any of these words mean if you’re defending OP’s behavior…

Never did I say anything about OP. Just about that comment. Name-calling, ranting, cursing… nice.

LOL. Yeah, those are the things that *really* matter… (idiot)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people posting in this thread shouldn’t be in any type of relationship, and certainly shouldn’t be married.

What a bunch of lazy, entitled, selfish asshats.

If you’re talking about some of us saying that op is not doing anything wrong, then you should examine your own values. Why do you feel that a partner who earns more, contributes, 50 in Household chores and more than that with kids is lazy or entitled. Because she is a woman? Gross.

No, you freaking weirdo. Because she is LYING to her husband about how much she “works” so that she can laze around the house like a sloth binge watching crap on Netflix rather than getting off her lazy a$$ and doing the grocery shopping or the laundry every once in awhile, so he can have a bit of free time as well. I also guarantee that she doesn’t actually do jacksh!t with the kids, she’s too lazy and self-centered.

OP is an a$$hole, and I hope her husband decides to hit her up style when the eventually divorce.

Well, good luck to the person married to you. You seem like a thoughtful, considerate, well-adjusted person.

I don’t think you know what any of these words mean if you’re defending OP’s behavior…

Never did I say anything about OP. Just about that comment. Name-calling, ranting, cursing… nice.

OP. Thanks for the defense but it’s cool, I know DCUM is mostly people projecting their own problems onto a situation they know little about.

Anyway, thanks for the advice, everyone (especially the person who pointed out im afraid of his reaction, that hit the nail on the head).

I did talk to H today and he’s cool with it, even happy for me. He says he’d do the same if he could.

I guess what I’m worried about is that even though he’s laid back and pulls his weight most of the time, occasionally he does get upset when he perceives things aren’t equal. For example, it’s not uncommon that he’s supposed to do dishes while I put the kids to bed, but he’ll play on his phone or watch TV or whatever instead and leave them for the morning. Which is fine, but if I get up early to do yoga, he’ll come downstairs and see me doing yoga while there’s a big pile of dirty dishes and get snippy.

Maybe he gets “snippy” because he works literally twice as much as you and yet you’re finding things with HIM to complain about. You’re completely insufferable. He must either have an affair partner or be a complete and total loser to tolerate you.

[Anonymous]

I don't care how you guys split labor or how much you work, but honesty matters.

[Anonymous]

Id be jealous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my spouse was super overworked and was working long hours, I might pitch in more. but just because Im more efficient and get all of my stuff done if less time, doesn't mean I need to carry a heavier load.

Are you also under the assumption that more productive people at work SHOULD do more and be paid exactly the same as the ones who don't get as much done?

Newsflash - marriage and work aren’t the same. If I’m more productive than my co-workers that’s completely different from sitting on my ass watching TV while my husband works longer hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pursued my dream job. My husband never did. We both work a lot but my work is fun and my husband hates his. What can I do about it? Life isn’t perfect. You either choose to stay married and love each other or you don’t. I can’t force him to make better life decisions.

What can you do about it? You could do things to make your husband's life better for starters.

My husband went through a rough period at his work lately where he was having to do some things he hated doing for about a month. Knowing this, I did whatever I could to make the rest of his life better, so sometimes that meant doing more with the kids or the dogs in the mornings so he could sleep in or making more dinners so he could have more downtime after work. I can't change anything about his job, but I care enough about him to want him to be as happy as possible. You sound like someone who would resent it if you husband had gotten a fun job.

Never ever in a million years do you see this advice given to men whose wives are in mommy-tracked jobs so they could have kids….

What point are you trying to make? I would hope that women who mommy tracked would have discussed it with their husbands and they both decided that that made the nose sense for their family. My husband absolutely steps up when things are harder for me at work. During COVID I was slammed and he was not so he did way more of the childcare (our kids were young), the house cleaning, and everything else. I’d have been very pissed if we were still doing 50/50 with kids and house except I was working twice as many hours as he was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t work at all. I’m a SAHM and DH still chips in 50-50 when he is home. Of course I do more when he is at work.

I think your problem is that it seems like you are hiding how little you work. That seems deceptive.

We have a friend who works from home. DH is friends with him and says this guy plays video games, trades crypto and sends memes all day to his friends. Of all his friends, this guy, Dave, appears to work the least. My friend is married to Dave and is a SAHM. SAHM friend does 95% of the home and childcare. She thinks dave has a super demanding job and works long hours. When we see Dave, he is very up to date on every movie and tv show. He is the only person I know who has always watched every new show on Netflix or prime or Disney and also watches sports, hbo and apple series so clearly Dave has a lot of free time to be watching all these. Dave makes a good living, guessing 300-400. He is a manager so he manages others but doesn’t seem to actually do much himself.

“When he is home”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people posting in this thread shouldn’t be in any type of relationship, and certainly shouldn’t be married.

What a bunch of lazy, entitled, selfish asshats.

If you’re talking about some of us saying that op is not doing anything wrong, then you should examine your own values. Why do you feel that a partner who earns more, contributes, 50 in Household chores and more than that with kids is lazy or entitled. Because she is a woman? Gross.

No, you freaking weirdo. Because she is LYING to her husband about how much she “works” so that she can laze around the house like a sloth binge watching crap on Netflix rather than getting off her lazy a$$ and doing the grocery shopping or the laundry every once in awhile, so he can have a bit of free time as well. I also guarantee that she doesn’t actually do jacksh!t with the kids, she’s too lazy and self-centered.

OP is an a$$hole, and I hope her husband decides to hit her up style when the eventually divorce.

Well, good luck to the person married to you. You seem like a thoughtful, considerate, well-adjusted person.

I don’t think you know what any of these words mean if you’re defending OP’s behavior…

Never did I say anything about OP. Just about that comment. Name-calling, ranting, cursing… nice.

LOL. Yeah, those are the things that *really* matter… (idiot)

One of the key predictors of divorce is contempt. (The most accurate predictor is stonewalling). Divorce due to contempt can be a sign of lesser relationship problems as well, such as with close friends and family. Relationship problems can prevent promotions at work as well as moving into the more flexible roles it seems like you’d like.

If you want to make changes in your life, I would start with the Gottman Institute.

Or you can also spew hate on happy, successful people on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t give it another thought! It’s your life and those who love you want you to be content.

Delusional person. No one wants to be miserable while their spouse is hanging out at the gym and watching Netflix. if this was a guy doing this DCUM would be all over him.

1000000%

Sounds like the husband should leave once he finds out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people posting in this thread shouldn’t be in any type of relationship, and certainly shouldn’t be married.

What a bunch of lazy, entitled, selfish asshats.

If you’re talking about some of us saying that op is not doing anything wrong, then you should examine your own values. Why do you feel that a partner who earns more, contributes, 50 in Household chores and more than that with kids is lazy or entitled. Because she is a woman? Gross.

No, you freaking weirdo. Because she is LYING to her husband about how much she “works” so that she can laze around the house like a sloth binge watching crap on Netflix rather than getting off her lazy a$$ and doing the grocery shopping or the laundry every once in awhile, so he can have a bit of free time as well. I also guarantee that she doesn’t actually do jacksh!t with the kids, she’s too lazy and self-centered.

OP is an a$$hole, and I hope her husband decides to hit her up style when the eventually divorce.

Well, good luck to the person married to you. You seem like a thoughtful, considerate, well-adjusted person.

I don’t think you know what any of these words mean if you’re defending OP’s behavior…

Never did I say anything about OP. Just about that comment. Name-calling, ranting, cursing… nice.

LOL. Yeah, those are the things that *really* matter… (idiot)

One of the key predictors of divorce is contempt. (The most accurate predictor is stonewalling). Divorce due to contempt can be a sign of lesser relationship problems as well, such as with close friends and family. Relationship problems can prevent promotions at work as well as moving into the more flexible roles it seems like you’d like.

If you want to make changes in your life, I would start with the Gottman Institute.

Or you can also spew hate on happy, successful people on the internet.

I think you are extremely confused. Maybe stop spending your days watching self help videos on tik tok and pick up a dictionary. Or, you know, talk to your own spouse about the contempt you clearly have for him, which is why you’re okay letting him work like a dog while you sit on your fat @$$ all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people posting in this thread shouldn’t be in any type of relationship, and certainly shouldn’t be married.

What a bunch of lazy, entitled, selfish asshats.

If you’re talking about some of us saying that op is not doing anything wrong, then you should examine your own values. Why do you feel that a partner who earns more, contributes, 50 in Household chores and more than that with kids is lazy or entitled. Because she is a woman? Gross.

No, you freaking weirdo. Because she is LYING to her husband about how much she “works” so that she can laze around the house like a sloth binge watching crap on Netflix rather than getting off her lazy a$$ and doing the grocery shopping or the laundry every once in awhile, so he can have a bit of free time as well. I also guarantee that she doesn’t actually do jacksh!t with the kids, she’s too lazy and self-centered.

OP is an a$$hole, and I hope her husband decides to hit her up style when the eventually divorce.

Well, good luck to the person married to you. You seem like a thoughtful, considerate, well-adjusted person.

I don’t think you know what any of these words mean if you’re defending OP’s behavior…

Never did I say anything about OP. Just about that comment. Name-calling, ranting, cursing… nice.

LOL. Yeah, those are the things that *really* matter… (idiot)

One of the key predictors of divorce is contempt. (The most accurate predictor is stonewalling). Divorce due to contempt can be a sign of lesser relationship problems as well, such as with close friends and family. Relationship problems can prevent promotions at work as well as moving into the more flexible roles it seems like you’d like.

If you want to make changes in your life, I would start with the Gottman Institute.

Or you can also spew hate on happy, successful people on the internet.

I think you are extremely confused. Maybe stop spending your days watching self help videos on tik tok and pick up a dictionary. Or, you know, talk to your own spouse about the contempt you clearly have for him, which is why you’re okay letting him work like a dog while you sit on your fat @$$ all day.

As my youngest would say, 😶🤷

But that’s why he has friends.

[Anonymous]

Not at all, but I would be resentful if they lied about it.

[Anonymous]

I work 20 hours a week. DH recently changed jobs and makes the same amount of money working 35-40 hours a week that he did working 60+ hours/week.
I do expect him to be a little more involved in doing stuff with our teenage sons, and I expect him to hang out with me sometimes when we’re both home and the kids are in school. But I don’t expect him to use that time to take on additional paid work or to do my chores at home or to start remodeling the basement.
He plays more video games and goes to the gym, and I’m happy for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my spouse was super overworked and was working long hours, I might pitch in more. but just because Im more efficient and get all of my stuff done if less time, doesn't mean I need to carry a heavier load.

Are you also under the assumption that more productive people at work SHOULD do more and be paid exactly the same as the ones who don't get as much done?

Productive isn't really the correct word, its a different type of job