Would you be resentful if your partner worked only 3-4 hours a day?

[Anonymous]

5 years ago I started a business, and today have built it to where I make about 50% more than H working only 3-4 hours a day (sometimes less). Mostly I did this out of necessity, since H had zero flexibility with his job and I took on most childcare.

H doesn't really know how little I work. I've barely worked at all since early December. I don't want to take on more domestic work - right now it's split 50/50. I know if he saw that I work, then go spend the rest of the day at the gym or watching Netflix, he'd probably feel resentful at the amount of leisure time I have. And expect me to either do more domestic work or work more so we make more money. I don't want to do either.

Anyone in this situation? How do you handle it?

[Anonymous]

Flip the genders and think about it

[Anonymous]

For me it would be about the income generated not the hours. So no, this would not bother me.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the dream, OP. What sort of business? Any chance your husband could become part of it so you can grow the biz, and you could both have this schedule?

[Anonymous]

NOBODY wants to take on more domestic work or work a full day. We all would love to work 3 hours and then mess around. If I were married to you and found out that you were lying about your work hours—that would make me mad. The insistence that your spouse has to do 50/50 even though you’re barely working and they’re working full time makes you kind of crappy. That you’re outright lying?? That makes you a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t give it another thought! It’s your life and those who love you want you to be content.

[Anonymous]

I would not expect household work to be split 50/50 if one spouse is working/commuting 40-50 hours a week and one spouse is working/commuting 20 hours a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the dream, OP. What sort of business? Any chance your husband could become part of it so you can grow the biz, and you could both have this schedule?

OP. We talked about making him a part of it, but TBH, I don’t think he’d be a good fit. I do want to hire someone eventually but he doesn’t have the skill set or personality I need.

Also, every woman I know who made their husband part of their business ended up divorced and losing it. So thinking of worst case scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NOBODY wants to take on more domestic work or work a full day. We all would love to work 3 hours and then mess around. If I were married to you and found out that you were lying about your work hours—that would make me mad. The insistence that your spouse has to do 50/50 even though you’re barely working and they’re working full time makes you kind of crappy. That you’re outright lying?? That makes you a terrible person.

I agree. First, I can’t imagine lying to my spouse. I value honesty, and I expect it from my partner.

I also work 60 or more hours a week, so my DH takes on more of the housework. (He works 35-40.) Because he lightens that load, we have more time together to maintain our family and our marriage. That’s balance and respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NOBODY wants to take on more domestic work or work a full day. We all would love to work 3 hours and then mess around. If I were married to you and found out that you were lying about your work hours—that would make me mad. The insistence that your spouse has to do 50/50 even though you’re barely working and they’re working full time makes you kind of crappy. That you’re outright lying?? That makes you a terrible person.

Very much this. A good marriage is a partnership. Your DH has a miserable set up and you have the life of leisure. I would be p*ssed if this was me. It also shows you care more about yourself than your DH. This is no partnership, and I suspect you'll be divorced at some point.

Make more money and/or hire people to do the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NOBODY wants to take on more domestic work or work a full day. We all would love to work 3 hours and then mess around. If I were married to you and found out that you were lying about your work hours—that would make me mad. The insistence that your spouse has to do 50/50 even though you’re barely working and they’re working full time makes you kind of crappy. That you’re outright lying?? That makes you a terrible person.

OP. I get this, but I also feel like, he’s welcome to leave his job and start something like I did. I’ve even offered to help him. He doesn’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Depends. Do you guys have cleaners and other resources to help lighten the load? If I were scrubbing toilets in my free time while my partner was watching Netflix during work hours, I’d be pretty pissed off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t give it another thought! It’s your life and those who love you want you to be content.

Delusional person. No one wants to be miserable while their spouse is hanging out at the gym and watching Netflix. if this was a guy doing this DCUM would be all over him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t give it another thought! It’s your life and those who love you want you to be content.

Where’s the other direction? Wouldn’t any love you have for others in your like lead you to lessen their load so that they are more content? Only works in the direction that favors you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect household work to be split 50/50 if one spouse is working/commuting 40-50 hours a week and one spouse is working/commuting 20 hours a week.

+1 I wouldn’t feel bad at all about how little you work, but I think you should be doing more than 50% of household and childcare stuff.