Birthday party invites - not inviting one girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You fit every stereotype OP

Still waiting for one decent explanation of why the cruel girl needs to be invited. Let's hear it. Examples have been provided in this thread, given those, justify why an invitation must be extended.

Don't you know hurt people hurt - not well adjusted people? I would try to stop the cycle which is why I said I would have my daughter either invite fewer girls or all of them. I don't condone being a bully, but I also know how to not exclude and be the bigger person.

The bigger person who's getting bullied and inviting someone who takes pleasure in hurting her. Bigger person is a way of protecting bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You fit every stereotype OP

Still waiting for one decent explanation of why the cruel girl needs to be invited. Let's hear it. Examples have been provided in this thread, given those, justify why an invitation must be extended.

Don't you know hurt people hurt - not well adjusted people? I would try to stop the cycle which is why I said I would have my daughter either invite fewer girls or all of them. I don't condone being a bully, but I also know how to not exclude and be the bigger person.

The bigger person who's getting bullied and inviting someone who takes pleasure in hurting her. Bigger person is a way of protecting bullies.

The bully gets to win again in PPs scenario. The daughter can't invite who she wants, must leave some girls off, to spare the bully who torments her. Can't even have all her friends at her party. How sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 11 and in 5th grade. This will be her last big birthday party.

In her class this year, there is a girl who is very mean to many of the other girls in the class and DD is constantly complaining about her. For example, she stole DD’s special eraser one day and threw it in the trash (the teacher later found it and the girl bragged to others about doing it). She makes rude comments about many of the girls regularly (“ugh your outfit is so ugly”) and overall is just known as a mean girl. She has friends in another class who she usually hangs out with.

Anyway, there are 10 girls in DD’s class and she wants to invite all to her birthday party except this one girl. Ordinarily I would say absolutely not to excluding one person, but I am torn.

Do I make DD invite someone who is actively mean and rude to her just so I don’t hurt one person’s feelings? Do I make her not invite a few other girls from the class that she does like just so we don’t invite everyone?

FWIW, if I do invite the mean girl she will likely come because her parents will make sure. We know them and the parents are actually really nice, so even if their daughter says she doesn’t want to attend they will probably make her, and none of her other friends would be invited so DD thinks it would be awkward.

Do not exclude this one girl and the reason I would say is unless you witnessed the "bullying" you don't know what is going on. If you don't want to invite her fine but, if you invite everyone but, this girl than your dd will become the mean girl ( if she isn't already)

Just invite half of the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to invite her, but you don't get to exclude just her

Why not? I wouldn't feel bad excluding the girls who torment my daughter. Why would they want to come anyway after they take votes on whether or not to let her play with them at recess?

+1 it's also not just her, it's also all the boys. Assuming this is not a single sex school, which I'm assuming it's not because class sizes are not that small afaik.

Most likely the boys wouldn't care. If a birthday party invited all the boys but, one surely that one boy would feel left out. But the girls wouldn't care.

A side story my friend has twins and this one boy picked on them. Instead of excluding they went out of their way to be kind and friendly and the kids did become real friends.

Just another perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 11 and in 5th grade. This will be her last big birthday party.

In her class this year, there is a girl who is very mean to many of the other girls in the class and DD is constantly complaining about her. For example, she stole DD’s special eraser one day and threw it in the trash (the teacher later found it and the girl bragged to others about doing it). She makes rude comments about many of the girls regularly (“ugh your outfit is so ugly”) and overall is just known as a mean girl. She has friends in another class who she usually hangs out with.

Anyway, there are 10 girls in DD’s class and she wants to invite all to her birthday party except this one girl. Ordinarily I would say absolutely not to excluding one person, but I am torn.

Do I make DD invite someone who is actively mean and rude to her just so I don’t hurt one person’s feelings? Do I make her not invite a few other girls from the class that she does like just so we don’t invite everyone?

FWIW, if I do invite the mean girl she will likely come because her parents will make sure. We know them and the parents are actually really nice, so even if their daughter says she doesn’t want to attend they will probably make her, and none of her other friends would be invited so DD thinks it would be awkward.

Do not exclude this one girl and the reason I would say is unless you witnessed the "bullying" you don't know what is going on. If you don't want to invite her fine but, if you invite everyone but, this girl than your dd will become the mean girl ( if she isn't already)

Just invite half of the class.

Why are you so concerned about one girl's feelings and not another's? I highly doubt there are many situations where ALL of the girls are included except just that one who happens to be a bully. Usually, many girls might be included, and a few won't, including a bully. But, when push comes to shove, if there is a good reason to not include that one person, it might be the wake up call needed. Why are you so afraid of a bully facing consequences? Maybe it will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to invite her, but you don't get to exclude just her

Why not? I wouldn't feel bad excluding the girls who torment my daughter. Why would they want to come anyway after they take votes on whether or not to let her play with them at recess?

+1 it's also not just her, it's also all the boys. Assuming this is not a single sex school, which I'm assuming it's not because class sizes are not that small afaik.

Most likely the boys wouldn't care. If a birthday party invited all the boys but, one surely that one boy would feel left out. But the girls wouldn't care.

A side story my friend has twins and this one boy picked on them. Instead of excluding they went out of their way to be kind and friendly and the kids did become real friends.

Just another perspective

I'm not going out of my way to be friendly and exclusive to the girl who wishes my daughter would just die. Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to invite her, but you don't get to exclude just her

Why not? I wouldn't feel bad excluding the girls who torment my daughter. Why would they want to come anyway after they take votes on whether or not to let her play with them at recess?

+1 it's also not just her, it's also all the boys. Assuming this is not a single sex school, which I'm assuming it's not because class sizes are not that small afaik.

Most likely the boys wouldn't care. If a birthday party invited all the boys but, one surely that one boy would feel left out. But the girls wouldn't care.

A side story my friend has twins and this one boy picked on them. Instead of excluding they went out of their way to be kind and friendly and the kids did become real friends.

Just another perspective

I'm not going out of my way to be friendly and exclusive to the girl who wishes my daughter would just die. Nope.

^ Inclusive. Not exclusive. But you have to realize some kids just aren't meant to get along. We aren't going to all sing kumbaya and be best friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on page 4 and don't feel like reading the rest- but I am shocked that no one has suggested calling the mom and having a talk about it. Wouldn't you want to know why your daughter was/or will be the only one not invited? OP says the mom is nice. I would start there.

Seriously? How would this go?

OP: Hi Stephanie, it’s Lindsay. I just wanted to let you know that Angelica isn’t invited to Larla’s birthday party because she’s mean.

Lindsay: ??????

Most of us have more tact then this. Sounds like you could benefit from interpersonal communications skills if this is how you approach it.

dp Be honest. There is no good way to receive this and you wouldn't believe the mom anyway. After all we all believe our children..I remember my a mom came over to me and told me how misbehaved my dd was at her party. She was young and didn't like the food so she told the mom. It was very awkward because what could I do after the party? It just made me feel awful and I remember the conversation today ( and my kid is an adult)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 11 and in 5th grade. She gets to decide who she wants to invite. She doesn’t have to invite a kid who’s mean to her party. Does she have any other friends that are coming, like from sports, dance, scouts etc?

Is this the last party you are willing to give her? I have one kid who stopped having them younger than this and another who still wants parties in her teens.

This. It's not kindergarten and you do not have to invite all the girls. That only applies if you send invitations to school. Inviting the mean girl will reinforce her attitude that she can make others miserable and it doesn't matter. Time to let your daughter stand up for herself and choose who comes to her party. Do you want mean girl making fun of the party at school the week after?

Oh, but that won't happen! Inviting the mean girl to the party will fix everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 11 and in 5th grade. This will be her last big birthday party.

In her class this year, there is a girl who is very mean to many of the other girls in the class and DD is constantly complaining about her. For example, she stole DD’s special eraser one day and threw it in the trash (the teacher later found it and the girl bragged to others about doing it). She makes rude comments about many of the girls regularly (“ugh your outfit is so ugly”) and overall is just known as a mean girl. She has friends in another class who she usually hangs out with.

Anyway, there are 10 girls in DD’s class and she wants to invite all to her birthday party except this one girl. Ordinarily I would say absolutely not to excluding one person, but I am torn.

Do I make DD invite someone who is actively mean and rude to her just so I don’t hurt one person’s feelings? Do I make her not invite a few other girls from the class that she does like just so we don’t invite everyone?

FWIW, if I do invite the mean girl she will likely come because her parents will make sure. We know them and the parents are actually really nice, so even if their daughter says she doesn’t want to attend they will probably make her, and none of her other friends would be invited so DD thinks it would be awkward.

Do not exclude this one girl and the reason I would say is unless you witnessed the "bullying" you don't know what is going on. If you don't want to invite her fine but, if you invite everyone but, this girl than your dd will become the mean girl ( if she isn't already)

Just invite half of the class.

Why are you so concerned about one girl's feelings and not another's? I highly doubt there are many situations where ALL of the girls are included except just that one who happens to be a bully. Usually, many girls might be included, and a few won't, including a bully. But, when push comes to shove, if there is a good reason to not include that one person, it might be the wake up call needed. Why are you so afraid of a bully facing consequences? Maybe it will help.

And how would that lesson be taught? Do you really think an 11 year old is going to be I didn't get invited to Alice's party because I am mean and so now I will change? Why go out of your way to be the mean girl...and face it we don't know the facts and neither does op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 11 and in 5th grade. This will be her last big birthday party.

In her class this year, there is a girl who is very mean to many of the other girls in the class and DD is constantly complaining about her. For example, she stole DD’s special eraser one day and threw it in the trash (the teacher later found it and the girl bragged to others about doing it). She makes rude comments about many of the girls regularly (“ugh your outfit is so ugly”) and overall is just known as a mean girl. She has friends in another class who she usually hangs out with.

Anyway, there are 10 girls in DD’s class and she wants to invite all to her birthday party except this one girl. Ordinarily I would say absolutely not to excluding one person, but I am torn.

Do I make DD invite someone who is actively mean and rude to her just so I don’t hurt one person’s feelings? Do I make her not invite a few other girls from the class that she does like just so we don’t invite everyone?

FWIW, if I do invite the mean girl she will likely come because her parents will make sure. We know them and the parents are actually really nice, so even if their daughter says she doesn’t want to attend they will probably make her, and none of her other friends would be invited so DD thinks it would be awkward.

Do not exclude this one girl and the reason I would say is unless you witnessed the "bullying" you don't know what is going on. If you don't want to invite her fine but, if you invite everyone but, this girl than your dd will become the mean girl ( if she isn't already)

Just invite half of the class.

Why are you so concerned about one girl's feelings and not another's? I highly doubt there are many situations where ALL of the girls are included except just that one who happens to be a bully. Usually, many girls might be included, and a few won't, including a bully. But, when push comes to shove, if there is a good reason to not include that one person, it might be the wake up call needed. Why are you so afraid of a bully facing consequences? Maybe it will help.

And how would that lesson be taught? Do you really think an 11 year old is going to be I didn't get invited to Alice's party because I am mean and so now I will change? Why go out of your way to be the mean girl...and face it we don't know the facts and neither does op

So, mean girl isn't going to change or stop going out of her way to be mean, so I should go against my kid's wishes and invite mean girl to the party? Who is the party for, mean girl or the birthday girl? Sorry, we're planning a party and including friends. Mean girl is not a friend. 11 year old girls aren't stupid, they will know why they aren't invited. It seems you think we're talking about 5 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone pointed out that the daily mail picked this up?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12924585/mother-daughter-birthday-party-invitation.html

[Anonymous]

I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s mean to not invite someone you don’t like to a party. It’s mean to talk about a party at school where the uninvited can find out about it. It’s not being a mean girl to simply not invite. Mean would be intentionally letting the girl know she was excluded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone pointed out that the daily mail picked this up?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12924585/mother-daughter-birthday-party-invitation.html

Commenters there are almost unanimous. Do not invite the bully.