Birthday party invites - not inviting one girl

[Anonymous]

I'm on page 4 and don't feel like reading the rest- but I am shocked that no one has suggested calling the mom and having a talk about it. Wouldn't you want to know why your daughter was/or will be the only one not invited? OP says the mom is nice. I would start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on page 4 and don't feel like reading the rest- but I am shocked that no one has suggested calling the mom and having a talk about it. Wouldn't you want to know why your daughter was/or will be the only one not invited? OP says the mom is nice. I would start there.

I'm not going to call a mom up to let her know why I'm not inviting her daughter to a party. I would think it was really weird if she called me to ask. My own DD isn't invited to every party, I just tell her that's how the cookie crumbles and we don't dwell on it.

[Anonymous]

I also couldn't read thru all 10 pages of this, but as the parent of a 5th grade girl, I'd just suggest setting a limit on the number of girls at the party. You can invite 10 friends to the party but cut it off there. If that means the 11 year old has to make some choices, so be it. Most 5th grade parties are smaller anyway. We had about 13 at my kid's party in October but that's cause it was a more casual thing at my house and she could invite whoever she wanted. Some girls were from this year's class and some from previous years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on page 4 and don't feel like reading the rest- but I am shocked that no one has suggested calling the mom and having a talk about it. Wouldn't you want to know why your daughter was/or will be the only one not invited? OP says the mom is nice. I would start there.

Seriously? How would this go?

OP: Hi Stephanie, it’s Lindsay. I just wanted to let you know that Angelica isn’t invited to Larla’s birthday party because she’s mean.

Lindsay: ??????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on page 4 and don't feel like reading the rest- but I am shocked that no one has suggested calling the mom and having a talk about it. Wouldn't you want to know why your daughter was/or will be the only one not invited? OP says the mom is nice. I would start there.

This is a rational response. If you read a bit further you can probably see some of those little mean girls or bullied girls, insecure nonetheless, all grown up and triggered by this post. Or trolling out of boredom. Either way, I feel sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on page 4 and don't feel like reading the rest- but I am shocked that no one has suggested calling the mom and having a talk about it. Wouldn't you want to know why your daughter was/or will be the only one not invited? OP says the mom is nice. I would start there.

Seriously? How would this go?

OP: Hi Stephanie, it’s Lindsay. I just wanted to let you know that Angelica isn’t invited to Larla’s birthday party because she’s mean.

Lindsay: ??????

Most of us have more tact then this. Sounds like you could benefit from interpersonal communications skills if this is how you approach it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on page 4 and don't feel like reading the rest- but I am shocked that no one has suggested calling the mom and having a talk about it. Wouldn't you want to know why your daughter was/or will be the only one not invited? OP says the mom is nice. I would start there.

This is a rational response. If you read a bit further you can probably see some of those little mean girls or bullied girls, insecure nonetheless, all grown up and triggered by this post. Or trolling out of boredom. Either way, I feel sorry for them.

“I’m a man.”

[Anonymous]

Like many of the other recent posters, not reading all the previously replies … but by 5th grade kids should certainly know that their behaviors have consequences. And, a major consequence of being not so nice much of the time is not being invited to participate in activities hosted by those you are being not so nice to.

If it were my child, I would not invite this kid - it’s not her day, it is your daughters and why let it have the possibility of being spoiled. It could very well be that this kid is mean for some very rational and even excusable reason but that does not mean you or your daughter need to be at the receiving end of her attitude. If she needs an intervention it is not your daughters responsibility to make her happy; that’s a heavy burden to bear for a child.

Kindergarten, 1st grade - sure. Leaving out kids is a perhaps a developmentally inappropriate response to poor behavior. But by 5th….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on page 4 and don't feel like reading the rest- but I am shocked that no one has suggested calling the mom and having a talk about it. Wouldn't you want to know why your daughter was/or will be the only one not invited? OP says the mom is nice. I would start there.

This is a rational response. If you read a bit further you can probably see some of those little mean girls or bullied girls, insecure nonetheless, all grown up and triggered by this post. Or trolling out of boredom. Either way, I feel sorry for them.

Pot meet kettle.

[Anonymous]

You fit every stereotype OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You fit every stereotype OP

Still waiting for one decent explanation of why the cruel girl needs to be invited. Let's hear it. Examples have been provided in this thread, given those, justify why an invitation must be extended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

Such bs.

You do what you want for your kid's party. No need to tell anyone else what to do.

Op we tried the "be nice and include the mean one" approach. It made no difference, just gave him more to aggravate ds with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You fit every stereotype OP

Still waiting for one decent explanation of why the cruel girl needs to be invited. Let's hear it. Examples have been provided in this thread, given those, justify why an invitation must be extended.

Don't you know hurt people hurt - not well adjusted people? I would try to stop the cycle which is why I said I would have my daughter either invite fewer girls or all of them. I don't condone being a bully, but I also know how to not exclude and be the bigger person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You fit every stereotype OP

Still waiting for one decent explanation of why the cruel girl needs to be invited. Let's hear it. Examples have been provided in this thread, given those, justify why an invitation must be extended.

Don't you know hurt people hurt - not well adjusted people? I would try to stop the cycle which is why I said I would have my daughter either invite fewer girls or all of them. I don't condone being a bully, but I also know how to not exclude and be the bigger person.

Seems like you care more about a bully's feelings than your own daughter's. That's messed up. Family first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s 11 and in 5th grade. She gets to decide who she wants to invite. She doesn’t have to invite a kid who’s mean to her party. Does she have any other friends that are coming, like from sports, dance, scouts etc?

Is this the last party you are willing to give her? I have one kid who stopped having them younger than this and another who still wants parties in her teens.

This. It's not kindergarten and you do not have to invite all the girls. That only applies if you send invitations to school. Inviting the mean girl will reinforce her attitude that she can make others miserable and it doesn't matter. Time to let your daughter stand up for herself and choose who comes to her party. Do you want mean girl making fun of the party at school the week after?