Birthday party invites - not inviting one girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone pointed out that the daily mail picked this up?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12924585/mother-daughter-birthday-party-invitation.html

Commenters there are almost unanimous. Do not invite the bully.

You trust the opinion of Daily Mail readers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone pointed out that the daily mail picked this up?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12924585/mother-daughter-birthday-party-invitation.html

Commenters there are almost unanimous. Do not invite the bully.

You trust the opinion of Daily Mail readers?

DP. I trust anyone who agrees the OP not inviting this particular girl and including the others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone pointed out that the daily mail picked this up?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12924585/mother-daughter-birthday-party-invitation.html

Commenters there are almost unanimous. Do not invite the bully.

You trust the opinion of Daily Mail readers?

DP. I trust anyone who agrees the OP not inviting this particular girl and including the others.

I'm of the same mind but I don't need to crowd source this in the first place. Those of us who are experiencing this stuff know what we need to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

Nope. "Your outfit is so ugly" mean girl can stay home. She knows who she is and what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

Nope. "Your outfit is so ugly" mean girl can stay home. She knows who she is and what she says.

You sound like a 10 year-old. Not a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

Nope. "Your outfit is so ugly" mean girl can stay home. She knows who she is and what she says.

You sound like a 10 year-old. Not a parent.

Try again. If you talk to my kid like that on a regular basis, you are not welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid :roll: ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

+1.

This always happens on these threads: posters get itchy in their drawers about the use of the word “bully.” I haven’t used the word myself. Who. Cares. The focus on the vocab is always petty in my view, as OP hasn’t claimed she’s gone to a principal to make a bullying case. There are no educational or legal consequences to the nasty girl by use of that word on an anon message board, so the defensiveness is fascinating. It’s completely immaterial to the situation. OP has made clear that the girl is nasty to her DD and others. No invite, it’s fine.