Money, college and exILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s a lot of flaky boomer grandparents on here who identify with OP’s loser ex-IL’s.

Not entirely.

I just have experience with paying private college tuition while divorced from the father. I had to get a signed legal agreement while DS was in high school to get him to pay anything at all for DS’s college. He did not even contribute half. It was income adjusted per the settlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s a lot of flaky boomer grandparents on here who identify with OP’s loser ex-IL’s.

I’m as millennial as they come and I think OP is being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s a lot of flaky boomer grandparents on here who identify with OP’s loser ex-IL’s.

Are you another bitter millennial who procreated with a loser?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends whose parents reneged even without a divorce.

I caution everyone. No one can rely on money like that unless it is deposited into an account that you control.

I am sorry that this has happened to you and they seem to be ghosting you and your son as a result. Don’t bring it up again.

Yes, I have a friend whose wealthy dad reneged, I think because his new wife wanted the money for her kids/his step kids.

It really hurt my friend but, you have to accept that sometimes people don't come through as they said they would.

It sucks but I like I said earlier, I am OK to pay for college. What I am not OK with is flaky people and empty promises. I don't like people like that, I don't raise my children like that. DS will be fine but I think he now knows where he stands with them.

If that’s what you lead him to believe then you are a jerk. Grandparents need to be upfront but they are probably embarrassed and afraid that you will turn the kids against them. Stuff happens and they don’t have the money. Ask their raggedy daddy for it!

[Anonymous]

Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

[Anonymous]

*sired* (not “aired”)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s a lot of flaky boomer grandparents on here who identify with OP’s loser ex-IL’s.

Are you another bitter millennial who procreated with a loser?

Are you another boomer who flaked on your kids and has no relationship with them anymore?

[Anonymous]

I totally relate to OP. My in-laws (current in-laws) also expressed great interest in “helping” with college, asking who exactly to write the checks out to, etc., but never actually doing anything. I didn’t care until I heard about all the religious charities they donate to—tens of thousands of dollars a year. And nothing for the grandkids’ college? I’m not mad….but don’t come and ask me for help when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s a lot of flaky boomer grandparents on here who identify with OP’s loser ex-IL’s.

Not entirely.

I just have experience with paying private college tuition while divorced from the father. I had to get a signed legal agreement while DS was in high school to get him to pay anything at all for DS’s college. He did not even contribute half. It was income adjusted per the settlement.

Your son could have gone to a more affordable state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I think your situation is unfair and most normal people would be upset like you. The posters on here lecturing on here that you’re greedy and shouldn’t be entitled to anything are miserable, sanctimonious losers who want to sh!t all over someone who’s hurting.

No one asked your kids’ grandparents to make these promises over the years so they are wrong for reneging now. It also sounds like you can afford college, but it’s just unfair that not one cent is coming from dad’s side, and it should. I would tell your kids about this because they need to know the truth about their unreliable, deadbeat dad and his equally useless parents.

We are not all sanctimonious losers. the suggestions to embarrass the in laws are trashy.

The rest of us are all living in the real world where we know paying for our kids college is on us. OP seriously didn’t question why she never saw a dime? Until the money is in a bank account that you control, the money isn’t yours and you should plan accordingly. And to boot, OP has the money but doesn’t want to spend it. She just wants to spend other people’s money.

You’re absolutely a sanctimonious loser and your glossing over the grandparents’ failure to uphold their promise is trashy. Also, it’s not like OP is greedily trying to extract money to spend on herself. It’s for her kids’ educations. I can’t believe there’s so many people on here who think a broken promise is no big deal.

OP sounds like a badass single mom raising three kids solo with no help from ex-DH and saving for their education, something many two working parent families aren’t able to do. She asked for help on the situation, never suggesting extortion! OP I’m cheering you on and I’m sorry the ILs flaked.

Agreed. Totally think OP has every right to feel sore over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

So what are you going to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

You have thanksgiving with your former inlaws?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

What did you do, secretly record the conversation to go with your folder of screenshots?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were you - I mean they are already your ex in-laws- I might text them and say something like "Wow, I can't believe Tommy is going to college! I so appreciate your promise to contribute to the costs of his education. It means the world to him. Let me know if you'd like to discuss specifics so that I can make sure he applies for any necessary financial aid"

To to Ex-in-laws! What are you thinking? OP's ex-husband needs to have this conversation. And I don't think there ever was a "promise". Just some words said, which now the in-laws clearly regret and are hiding out. how does sending this text help the situation other than permanently cut off OP and her kids from the paternal grandparents?