Money, college and exILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

It may not be about the money, but your repeated insistence on proving a point to the grandparents is ticky-tacky.

NP. I think your post is more tacky than anything OP has done.

Why?

Grandparents are embarrassed about not providing for the kids after promising the money would be there. Why does OP need to make them feel worse?

Zoom out for a minute, the grandparents have 5 additional grandkids that (I’m guessing) are local to them and a bum of a son living in their house. The 5 other kids came after the first 3 so the initial promises were made so the circumstances have changed. And maybe other siblings have had kids, the grandparents health has changed, whatever.

What does pointing out to the grandparents (with screenshots) that they stink for not following thru do for anyone?

People need to be held accountable for their words and actions. We even teach children this. The grandparents aren’t babies and shouldn’t have made multiple written and verbal promises to pay for their grandkids over the years if they weren’t sure about it. And this isn’t about promising to pay for clothes or a car, it’s college. Their behavior is despicable and so is anyone who defends it.

Where to we hold children accountable? Schools let everything slide. Parents are much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

It may not be about the money, but your repeated insistence on proving a point to the grandparents is ticky-tacky.

NP. I think your post is more tacky than anything OP has done.

Why?

Grandparents are embarrassed about not providing for the kids after promising the money would be there. Why does OP need to make them feel worse?

Zoom out for a minute, the grandparents have 5 additional grandkids that (I’m guessing) are local to them and a bum of a son living in their house. The 5 other kids came after the first 3 so the initial promises were made so the circumstances have changed. And maybe other siblings have had kids, the grandparents health has changed, whatever.

What does pointing out to the grandparents (with screenshots) that they stink for not following thru do for anyone?

People need to be held accountable for their words and actions. We even teach children this. The grandparents aren’t babies and shouldn’t have made multiple written and verbal promises to pay for their grandkids over the years if they weren’t sure about it. And this isn’t about promising to pay for clothes or a car, it’s college. Their behavior is despicable and so is anyone who defends it.

What will change if you sit the grandparents down and make them apologize? It will drive a wedge in the relationship. If I’m your kid, I’m learning that money > relationships from that interaction.

The lesson they’re learning now is that their grandparents aren’t trustworthy and won’t follow through with promises. The wedge was placed there by the grandparents. An honest admission that they didn’t realize how expensive it would be and what they’re actually going to do to help (maybe nothing, maybe a one time gift, maybe a monthly care package) would help the kids know where they stand. Dodging the kids like they’re bookies isn’t loving grandparent behavior. That’s another wedge.

So to confirm, you are looking for some sort of gift, yes?

At this point I am looking for "sorry, grandson, didn't want to disappoint you but can't help you with that tuition after all." Done. Be an adult.

Looks like they aren't going to play your game. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Why hold the grandparents accountable when their dad hasn’t been held accountable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

It may not be about the money, but your repeated insistence on proving a point to the grandparents is ticky-tacky.

NP. I think your post is more tacky than anything OP has done.

Why?

Grandparents are embarrassed about not providing for the kids after promising the money would be there. Why does OP need to make them feel worse?

Zoom out for a minute, the grandparents have 5 additional grandkids that (I’m guessing) are local to them and a bum of a son living in their house. The 5 other kids came after the first 3 so the initial promises were made so the circumstances have changed. And maybe other siblings have had kids, the grandparents health has changed, whatever.

What does pointing out to the grandparents (with screenshots) that they stink for not following thru do for anyone?

People need to be held accountable for their words and actions. We even teach children this. The grandparents aren’t babies and shouldn’t have made multiple written and verbal promises to pay for their grandkids over the years if they weren’t sure about it. And this isn’t about promising to pay for clothes or a car, it’s college. Their behavior is despicable and so is anyone who defends it.

Where to we hold children accountable? Schools let everything slide. Parents are much worse.

I and everyone I know, including our schools, hold their kids accountable for their actions. I don’t know what kind of people you’re hanging out with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

It may not be about the money, but your repeated insistence on proving a point to the grandparents is ticky-tacky.

NP. I think your post is more tacky than anything OP has done.

Why?

Grandparents are embarrassed about not providing for the kids after promising the money would be there. Why does OP need to make them feel worse?

Zoom out for a minute, the grandparents have 5 additional grandkids that (I’m guessing) are local to them and a bum of a son living in their house. The 5 other kids came after the first 3 so the initial promises were made so the circumstances have changed. And maybe other siblings have had kids, the grandparents health has changed, whatever.

What does pointing out to the grandparents (with screenshots) that they stink for not following thru do for anyone?

People need to be held accountable for their words and actions. We even teach children this. The grandparents aren’t babies and shouldn’t have made multiple written and verbal promises to pay for their grandkids over the years if they weren’t sure about it. And this isn’t about promising to pay for clothes or a car, it’s college. Their behavior is despicable and so is anyone who defends it.

Where to we hold children accountable? Schools let everything slide. Parents are much worse.

I and everyone I know, including our schools, hold their kids accountable for their actions. I don’t know what kind of people you’re hanging out with.

I am OP and I have no idea what this PP is talking about. My kids are accountable for their actions. Schools, at least THEIR schools, do not let anything slide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

It may not be about the money, but your repeated insistence on proving a point to the grandparents is ticky-tacky.

NP. I think your post is more tacky than anything OP has done.

Why?

Grandparents are embarrassed about not providing for the kids after promising the money would be there. Why does OP need to make them feel worse?

Zoom out for a minute, the grandparents have 5 additional grandkids that (I’m guessing) are local to them and a bum of a son living in their house. The 5 other kids came after the first 3 so the initial promises were made so the circumstances have changed. And maybe other siblings have had kids, the grandparents health has changed, whatever.

What does pointing out to the grandparents (with screenshots) that they stink for not following thru do for anyone?

People need to be held accountable for their words and actions. We even teach children this. The grandparents aren’t babies and shouldn’t have made multiple written and verbal promises to pay for their grandkids over the years if they weren’t sure about it. And this isn’t about promising to pay for clothes or a car, it’s college. Their behavior is despicable and so is anyone who defends it.

Where to we hold children accountable? Schools let everything slide. Parents are much worse.

I and everyone I know, including our schools, hold their kids accountable for their actions. I don’t know what kind of people you’re hanging out with.

What school is this where all kids are held accountable for their actions? And no, I don't hang out with the parents that bully my kids and get away with it. If you don't know, it's probably your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

It may not be about the money, but your repeated insistence on proving a point to the grandparents is ticky-tacky.

NP. I think your post is more tacky than anything OP has done.

Why?

Grandparents are embarrassed about not providing for the kids after promising the money would be there. Why does OP need to make them feel worse?

Zoom out for a minute, the grandparents have 5 additional grandkids that (I’m guessing) are local to them and a bum of a son living in their house. The 5 other kids came after the first 3 so the initial promises were made so the circumstances have changed. And maybe other siblings have had kids, the grandparents health has changed, whatever.

What does pointing out to the grandparents (with screenshots) that they stink for not following thru do for anyone?

People need to be held accountable for their words and actions. We even teach children this. The grandparents aren’t babies and shouldn’t have made multiple written and verbal promises to pay for their grandkids over the years if they weren’t sure about it. And this isn’t about promising to pay for clothes or a car, it’s college. Their behavior is despicable and so is anyone who defends it.

Where to we hold children accountable? Schools let everything slide. Parents are much worse.

I and everyone I know, including our schools, hold their kids accountable for their actions. I don’t know what kind of people you’re hanging out with.

I am OP and I have no idea what this PP is talking about. My kids are accountable for their actions. Schools, at least THEIR schools, do not let anything slide.

What a laugh. Your own husband and his parents aren't held accountable. You're a joke.

[Anonymous]

Unless there is something I your child support order or property distribution agreement requiring your ex to pay for college, it would be hard to go back to court at this point and get the order revised.

But why are you pestering your ex in laws about this? They didn't promise you Jack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just figure out how to pay for it yourself.

Grandparents make all sorts of grandiose proclamations with younger children that they don’t mean. It’s all for show.

If your DC got in ED and you really can’t afford it, you can explain the situation to the school and they should let you out of the agreement. There’s no way to force the grandparents to help.

Can I pay for his college? Yes. Do I think it's fair that I am the only who is doing that and exDH is not contributing a dime, and now his parents are flaking? No, I think it sucks.

unless you have a legally binding agreement with your ex or his parents to chip in for college costs, it's completely fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You divorced their son so don’t expect much from them. You should contact your ex and see if he recalls the promises made and let him deal with his parents. They are his children too. If he is required to pay some of the college costs it will be in his interest to contact his parents.

I have it in writing from them that they will help pay for his college. Emails, texts saying they've saved up some sums for the grandkids' colleges.

How much? They have 8 grandkids.

You sound greedy and entitled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe no one is commenting on the fact that OP told her ex is was ok not to pay child support! Wtf op? That’s what you were legally entitled to. You should have gone after that and saved it for college.

The grandparents owe you nothing. Nothing. Move on. Your behavior is embarrassing.

If so, the quid pro quo was no or minimal visitation. OP is a bad mom. OP is a real schemer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe no one is commenting on the fact that OP told her ex is was ok not to pay child support! Wtf op? That’s what you were legally entitled to. You should have gone after that and saved it for college.

The grandparents owe you nothing. Nothing. Move on. Your behavior is embarrassing.

My behavior is EMBARRASSING? Are you for real? Yes, I was legally entitled to child support which would've been great if exDH was able to hold a stable job. I am lucky he didn't go after my salary or 401 or the kids 529 plans. I did nothing embarrassing. I raised my kids. I made sure they had a roof over their heads, they got education, they were fed, clothed and most important, LOVED. The grandparents did not need to run their mouths for years about "don't you worry about college, we will help". Now that's EMBARRASSING.

You're truly an idiot OP. It sounds like you didn't hire an attorney.

Dumbass.

[Anonymous]

There was a whole recent thread on this that you should dig up, OP. I wrote there that my ILs are actually helping us with about 1/4 of college costs. Like your ILs, they always said they'd help, but getting them to commit and come up with a plan was very difficult in the end. And my spouse did all the talking with them, as they were spouse's parents. College is SO expensive now and I think a lot of times grandparents don't understand what they are even saying when they casually offer to help when kids are younger. I know it feels like a bitter pill, but at least your kids have a good relationship with them and that's worth a lot, too. Sounds like you saved enough on your own to handle it -- good for you for not counting on this outside resource!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

It's not about the money. It's about promises made - repeatedly - promises broken, and a refusal to even answer phone calls! That is super sh*tty behavior. I wouldn't blame the kids if they wanted nothing to do with their grandparents after this.

IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

It may not be about the money, but your repeated insistence on proving a point to the grandparents is ticky-tacky.

NP. I think your post is more tacky than anything OP has done.

Why?

Grandparents are embarrassed about not providing for the kids after promising the money would be there. Why does OP need to make them feel worse?

Zoom out for a minute, the grandparents have 5 additional grandkids that (I’m guessing) are local to them and a bum of a son living in their house. The 5 other kids came after the first 3 so the initial promises were made so the circumstances have changed. And maybe other siblings have had kids, the grandparents health has changed, whatever.

What does pointing out to the grandparents (with screenshots) that they stink for not following thru do for anyone?

People need to be held accountable for their words and actions. We even teach children this. The grandparents aren’t babies and shouldn’t have made multiple written and verbal promises to pay for their grandkids over the years if they weren’t sure about it. And this isn’t about promising to pay for clothes or a car, it’s college. Their behavior is despicable and so is anyone who defends it.

Where to we hold children accountable? Schools let everything slide. Parents are much worse.

I and everyone I know, including our schools, hold their kids accountable for their actions. I don’t know what kind of people you’re hanging out with.

What school is this where all kids are held accountable for their actions? And no, I don't hang out with the parents that bully my kids and get away with it. If you don't know, it's probably your kids.

Wth are you even blabbering about?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like there’s a lot of flaky boomer grandparents on here who identify with OP’s loser ex-IL’s.