Money, college and exILs

[Anonymous]

Looks like grandparents may have been shelling out money to tuber son/ his latest brood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

You have thanksgiving with your former inlaws?

They came to our house. We are the only family in the area. I don't mind, they get to see the grandkids, I have a full house, just the way I like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s a lot of flaky boomer grandparents on here who identify with OP’s loser ex-IL’s.

Not entirely.

I just have experience with paying private college tuition while divorced from the father. I had to get a signed legal agreement while DS was in high school to get him to pay anything at all for DS’s college. He did not even contribute half. It was income adjusted per the settlement.

Your son could have gone to a more affordable state school.

He is going to the school he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I think your situation is unfair and most normal people would be upset like you. The posters on here lecturing on here that you’re greedy and shouldn’t be entitled to anything are miserable, sanctimonious losers who want to sh!t all over someone who’s hurting.

No one asked your kids’ grandparents to make these promises over the years so they are wrong for reneging now. It also sounds like you can afford college, but it’s just unfair that not one cent is coming from dad’s side, and it should. I would tell your kids about this because they need to know the truth about their unreliable, deadbeat dad and his equally useless parents.

We are not all sanctimonious losers. the suggestions to embarrass the in laws are trashy.

The rest of us are all living in the real world where we know paying for our kids college is on us. OP seriously didn’t question why she never saw a dime? Until the money is in a bank account that you control, the money isn’t yours and you should plan accordingly. And to boot, OP has the money but doesn’t want to spend it. She just wants to spend other people’s money.

You’re absolutely a sanctimonious loser and your glossing over the grandparents’ failure to uphold their promise is trashy. Also, it’s not like OP is greedily trying to extract money to spend on herself. It’s for her kids’ educations. I can’t believe there’s so many people on here who think a broken promise is no big deal.

Broken promises that were nothing more than emails and texts and vague assurances that they would help is actually no big deal. No one should be relying on that for anything. Is it kind of crappy for the grandparents to have made this grandiose statements, sure, but OP isn’t entitled to their money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

Seriously? If they just did this then I'd call them and directly ask. You have to be able to determine affordability. And if they can't communicate a specific plan - how much/how often - and try to be nebulous, then I'd take everything they said with a grain of salt and not count on any of it.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your ex and his additional kids also need financial help from his parents.

Lots of grandparents make promises to married kids and don’t follow through. Tuition for college isn’t due now. I would not bank on anything from them. Maybe they will give your kids some allowance. Plus college is four years. Plenty of time to help out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

You have thanksgiving with your former inlaws?

They came to our house. We are the only family in the area. I don't mind, they get to see the grandkids, I have a full house, just the way I like it.

You want to blow all that up over this? They probably were never going to give you enough money that would make a huge difference anyway. You can afford it and paying for your kid's education is your responsibility, not theirs. They don't need to get on their knees and renege in a satisfactory way that would please you. Be the bigger person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

You have thanksgiving with your former inlaws?

They came to our house. We are the only family in the area. I don't mind, they get to see the grandkids, I have a full house, just the way I like it.

You want to blow all that up over this? They probably were never going to give you enough money that would make a huge difference anyway. You can afford it and paying for your kid's education is your responsibility, not theirs. They don't need to get on their knees and renege in a satisfactory way that would please you. Be the bigger person.

+1 perfectly put.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

Any chance they're meeting with their financial planner to figure out what they can afford to give? The old people (of means) that I know have EOY meetings with their "finance guy" to figure out optimal charitable donations, etc. If they'd said this when the kids were born I'd say they don't have the money but since they said it last month (and your kid just got in; no tuition has come due yet) I think you might be jumping the gun to be so furious over their broken promises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

Any chance they're meeting with their financial planner to figure out what they can afford to give? The old people (of means) that I know have EOY meetings with their "finance guy" to figure out optimal charitable donations, etc. If they'd said this when the kids were born I'd say they don't have the money but since they said it last month (and your kid just got in; no tuition has come due yet) I think you might be jumping the gun to be so furious over their broken promises.

Then say it. "Congrats, grandson, we are meeting with our financial advisor, let's see what we can do"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not an excusing your ILs, but it sounds like they made these commitments before your EX aired 5 more children and remains broke. They may be more focused on how to make sure those kids don’t starve or grow up feral vs supporting your son who it sounds like he (and you!) are going to be fine.

Last time their "aired" their commitments was at this year's Thanksgiving. So...go figure.

Any chance they're meeting with their financial planner to figure out what they can afford to give? The old people (of means) that I know have EOY meetings with their "finance guy" to figure out optimal charitable donations, etc. If they'd said this when the kids were born I'd say they don't have the money but since they said it last month (and your kid just got in; no tuition has come due yet) I think you might be jumping the gun to be so furious over their broken promises.

Then say it. "Congrats, grandson, we are meeting with our financial advisor, let's see what we can do"

As they say, "Actions speak louder than words." I don't understand this insistence that there must be a confrontation where the grandparents say the words to appease OP. Just take the high road and know that their word is worthless going forward.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t bully your kid into taking out loans to cover what you didn’t prepare to pay yourself with the child’s father before he signed that ED commitment letter.

Let him decide if you yourself can’t pay the full cost or aren’t willing to.

Better to have him angry now than not speaking to you in a decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t bully your kid into taking out loans to cover what you didn’t prepare to pay yourself with the child’s father before he signed that ED commitment letter.

Let him decide if you yourself can’t pay the full cost or aren’t willing to.

Better to have him angry now than not speaking to you in a decade.

Oh no no, absolutely no loans. 529, scholarships, plus I can cover room and board. He will have an on campus job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And where, pray tell, is their father in this conversation with HIS parents, about HIS children?

I think OP IS their father. Why do you assume otherwise?

Oh, never mind. I see that AFTER your post OP identified as a woman.

I just thought it was weird that PP jumped to that conclusion.

OP mentioned her exDH two posts BEFORE the one you quoted. Nobody jumped to any conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t bully your kid into taking out loans to cover what you didn’t prepare to pay yourself with the child’s father before he signed that ED commitment letter.

Let him decide if you yourself can’t pay the full cost or aren’t willing to.

Better to have him angry now than not speaking to you in a decade.

Oh no no, absolutely no loans. 529, scholarships, plus I can cover room and board. He will have an on campus job.

Cool, so why do you need the grandparents money again...?