That awkward moment when you realize you don't qualify as family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The moment of non blood relative or outsider or totally rude self-centered in laws?

When we went to their home 3000 miles away and all the framed pictures, screensavers, and magnets were only of their sons with the grandkids. No wives or full family photos.

It literally looks like their sons are widowed or divorced with kids.

Yuck. How odd. Do people every come over to their house? If no wives were in any of the photos I too would some those sons were divorced.

Aren’t most parents proud their adult kids are married with a family? I actually wouldn’t assume she was a freak who only puts up photos without spouses.

I wouldn’t be surprised if my MIL only shows pictures of her sons and grandchildren.

When I think of my family, I also don’t include MIL or BIL. I don’t feel close to them like family.

Who helped your son produce those grandchildren though? So in other words you would view your DIL as just the incubator for your grandchild? If you have one I feel bad for your future dil.

Probably also the type of mil to give her son credit for doing the bare minimum, "oh you changed his diaper you're such a good dad" or only acknowledging his role as a dad without acknowledging or giving your DIL credit for her role as a mom.

x100000

[Anonymous]

I'm going to address my hurt feelings with my mil tomorrow instead of just cutting back because I have to be an adult and address it with her

[Anonymous]

My mom's DIL's are foodies like her, they have all of her recipes and sometimes make it better than mom does. Me and my sister only cook to stay alive so we feel good that she found that connection with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were expecting way too much out of this relationship. Now you've learned that. It's good information to have going forward. Do you have kids? If not, be glad you learned this before kids.

I agree. I learned that at 17 when I was a host child in an American family. Same goes for in laws. They are not your friends. They are someone you are cordial with but no more. Your interests and needs will be opposite 99% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL makes a calendar using family photos last year. Everyone was in it except me.

This sounds like my SIL and MIL - looking for reasons to cut me out because they are rude and selfish and self centered. Over it.

OP, your MIL is rude. If she can't include you, she is rude, inappropriate and immature. She was making a statement and her statement was rude and inappropriate. Your MIL is in the wrong, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to address my hurt feelings with my mil tomorrow instead of just cutting back because I have to be an adult and address it with her

This is actually not very adult
Learn your lesson and move on

[Anonymous]

OP, I do think you have posted before despite your protests.

Why not take this as a challenge to make a BETTER pie than hers and then not share the recipe with her? Because, yes, I AM THAT PETTY. Start now and let us know how it goes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was wrong of your MIL and she would probably very much regret it if she knew how hurt it made you and that you plan to cut her off now. In my experience (age 58) it’s always better to communicate your feelings rather than let them fester, unbeknownst to the MIL in this case, and then it turns into lifelong ruined relationships. In short, have lunch with her and let her know how much she hurt your feelings. Even if she doesn’t apologize at least she’ll know why you’ve pulled back.

Oh please! The cow knew what she was doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn girl just google your own pir recipe. Share your trial bakes with your MIL. Maybe you two will find your own family recipe together and get married

This. I’d bet by trying a few times you can better the recipe.

My mil was upset for a month when one of her friends wouldn’t share her recipe for a warm Bloody Mary using beef broth. I sent her several recipes from the internet that sounded like it but she didn’t care. A few years later she typed up recipes and gave them to my sils (her daughters) and not me. Same reason. Dh and I had been together for 14 years. It all fit with what I knew about her. Petty and mean. She viewed me as an outsider while faking it in front of family. Keep some distance op and never count on her for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn girl just google your own pir recipe. Share your trial bakes with your MIL. Maybe you two will find your own family recipe together and get married

This. I’d bet by trying a few times you can better the recipe.

My mil was upset for a month when one of her friends wouldn’t share her recipe for a warm Bloody Mary using beef broth. I sent her several recipes from the internet that sounded like it but she didn’t care. A few years later she typed up recipes and gave them to my sils (her daughters) and not me. Same reason. Dh and I had been together for 14 years. It all fit with what I knew about her. Petty and mean. She viewed me as an outsider while faking it in front of family. Keep some distance op and never count on her for help.

Sorry, PP. But I assume there was a large part of you laughing at the idea of a “warm Bloody Mary” being an aspirational recipe?

[Anonymous]

You sound cray cray to the extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL simply doesn't want you becoming the person that prepares that recipe for her son or other family events. It gives her a sense of purpose, makes her unique, and you are trying to take that away from her. How is this not obvious?

But I'm his wife why can't I prepare it for him? Besides other "blood" "real" relatives have it and they can just as easily cook it for others in the family.

Oh that's right I have to go back to my place in the corner as the "second tier" family member. And remember my place

Well I think it speaks volumes about my mil that she holds a damn recipe as higher than the feelings of an actual human being a family member. Which is why I will take the advice of other PPs and continue to attend large family gatherings but as far as one on one activities with mil or calling texting her individually no more.

You sound more and more unhinged every time you post.

How do I sound unhinged when my mil is the one who won't share a recipe?

I'm just adjusting the relationship to match how she views me

I mean, you're the one posting on an anonymous website, not her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were expecting way too much out of this relationship. Now you've learned that. It's good information to have going forward. Do you have kids? If not, be glad you learned this before kids.

I agree. I learned that at 17 when I was a host child in an American family. Same goes for in laws. They are not your friends. They are someone you are cordial with but no more. Your interests and needs will be opposite 99% of the time.

That's because you had sex with your host sister's boyfriend, you tool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to address my hurt feelings with my mil tomorrow instead of just cutting back because I have to be an adult and address it with her

This is actually not very adult
Learn your lesson and move on

So addressing your feelings with family is a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to address my hurt feelings with my mil tomorrow instead of just cutting back because I have to be an adult and address it with her

This is actually not very adult
Learn your lesson and move on

So addressing your feelings with family is a problem?

I think that’s just a troll.

Is it possible your MIL is not always tactful and thoughtlessly said that because she didn’t want to share her recipe? Some people just don’t like to share recipes. The reason she gave is hurtful but I’m not sure it’s worth burning bridges over. You don’t have to be so chummy but you’re going to have to deal with her for years to come. I personally would let my DH communicate this to his mom, but that’s just how I would handle it.