15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

I think this is a horrible thing to say in this scenario, especially when the Dad is not with this teen most of the time. He has her for the weekend and is shoo-ing her away?

Then dad can decline the invite to spend time with his daughter if she can't be away from him for 2 hours or so without him feeling like a horrible parent.

And again, I don't see how that's a big deal. This is a 15 year old girl. Not a 5 year old. She should be able to entertain herself for a few hours no sweat.

Dad should have declined as it was his time with her and gone on a night that she was with mom. Expecting the 15 year old to hang out with little ones as OP free babysitter isn't right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

Jesus, you people are the worst. It’s not easy for dads who only see their teenaged daughters every other weekend to maintain close relationships. If she has to leave her primary home and can’t hang out with friends, how on earth do you think it will go over for dad to suggest she stay home alone while the rest of the family enjoys a family gathering with their friends because she’s doesn’t fit into the group dynamics? Or to bring her along, but tell her to entertain herself because everyone else has other people they want to socialize with?

OP, if it bugs you that much, either don’t socialize with these people on weekends or don’t make it a family affair. Have a play date for younger kids or adults only gathering.

This is really all that needs to be said. It’s quite simple. OP many or may not be kind of mean and a terrible host. The girl may or may not be a little socially awkward and her parents may or may not be clueless. Thankfully, it’s all very fixable in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

Jesus, you people are the worst. It’s not easy for dads who only see their teenaged daughters every other weekend to maintain close relationships. If she has to leave her primary home and can’t hang out with friends, how on earth do you think it will go over for dad to suggest she stay home alone while the rest of the family enjoys a family gathering with their friends because she’s doesn’t fit into the group dynamics? Or to bring her along, but tell her to entertain herself because everyone else has other people they want to socialize with?

OP, if it bugs you that much, either don’t socialize with these people on weekends or don’t make it a family affair. Have a play date for younger kids or adults only gathering.

The daughter does not become the single dad's date to the party. She is a teenager. He should manage the situation and be able to tell what is appropriate. If not, like you said, he will stop getting invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when we hang out with families like this. I do not want to spend my Saturday night having to be polite to the stupid stuff your 15 year old says. I want adult time. Tell your teen to find something to do.

There is much to love about American culture, but this statement features the flaws and failings America society.

How common were blended families in your culture, where child only sees parent every other weekend?

I grew up in an immigrant community with multigenerational gatherings of family friends. I had the exact same reaction as PP.

Wanting a teen to just be on their phone all night seems so sad.

I grew up in an immigrant household and had lots of multigenerational gatherings with family friends. We would pop in on the adults table and bug them, nag them or beg them for whatever, and we might chat for a little bit, but they would shoo us away once we'd overstayed our welcome. We were expected to hang out with children. We could not feel so comfortable or as entitled as OP's neighbor's daughter and SIT at the adults' table ALL NIGHT. That's a smooth no. Immigrant cultures respect hierarchy and seniority and definitely believe in adult spaces and adult conversations that aren't for the ears of children.

[Anonymous]

^^ I am American and I agree with the above. I am from the South. That is how it is here, too.

[Anonymous]

Also please note that people who are not divorced find it annoying generally when you start treating your child like your +1.

[Anonymous]

I have faced this issue. It does change the dynamics of the group and the evening quite a bit and it isn't always fun. It's one thing if the teen interjects a normal amount or is fairly quiet. But I've been at events where the teen is really boring and just won't shut up. I've also been at events where there are 2 teens this age and they talk to each other in front of all of us and dominate the conversation. In my experience it's teen girls who are interested in doing this. I have a 15 year old boy and I have to prod him to spend any time with the adults and he leaves as fast as he can.

I think a reasonable compromise is if the teen hangs around for portions of the evening but excuses themselves at some point.

And no, I don't understand the parents who think we're all enjoying the teen's presence for the entire evening. Genuinely, I am happy to talk to your teens and happy to have them around. But not the whole night and it's okay for adults to want some time alone.

[Anonymous]

I love how anyone under 18 is a sniveling little brat who shouldn't be invited to family dinners or weddings, but also, the second they turn 18 they are full fledged adults who need to move out on their own.

[Anonymous]

If OP invited MY FAMILY to dinner, I would assume we were all welcome. If certain members of my family are not welcome, I should be told that in advance. The fact that this teen's parents are divorced is totally irrelevant. Hopefully OP make her feelings known to the other family so they can choose not to ever go back there again.

We are friends with a couple whose kids are way older than ours. When they invite us, they will say, "Would you and Bob like to come for dinner on the 12th?" Its obvious my kids are not invited and that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

Why don't you get together with them when the 15 year old is with her mom?

It sounds like her time with Dad is limited, so asking them to leave her at home during that limited time makes no sense. Just visit on weeks when she's not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also please note that people who are not divorced find it annoying generally when you start treating your child like your +1.

A married couple bring all of their children to a family party, with the other couple has included all of their children isn't treating the child as a +1.

That's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also please note that people who are not divorced find it annoying generally when you start treating your child like your +1.

A married couple bring all of their children to a family party, with the other couple has included all of their children isn't treating the child as a +1.

That's ridiculous.

If the kid wants to sit with you and the adults and hang like they are also an adult, it is an issue. This is more common with single moms and their daughters who they start treating as BFFs, but it would annoy me if a dad could not either take off with the kid after hanging for a while or tell the kid to scram after an appropriate amount of time.

It is important for parents of children of all ages to realize that no one wants to hang out with your kid for very long unless they are also related to them or a dear family friend.

[Anonymous]

The only people who have a problem with this, don't actually HAVE teenagers.

[Anonymous]

The fact that this girl has limited time with her dad and is in a split custody situation only makes the op's lack of empathy and understanding a million times more disgusting. It doesn't change anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people who have a problem with this, don't actually HAVE teenagers.

No, the only people who DON'T have a problem with this LACK BOUNDARIES.