15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when we hang out with families like this. I do not want to spend my Saturday night having to be polite to the stupid stuff your 15 year old says. I want adult time. Tell your teen to find something to do.

There is much to love about American culture, but this statement features the flaws and failings America society.

I grew up in an immigrant community with multigenerational gatherings of family friends. I had the exact same reaction as PP.

Wanting a teen to just be on their phone all night seems so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

I think this is a horrible thing to say in this scenario, especially when the Dad is not with this teen most of the time. He has her for the weekend and is shoo-ing her away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

I think this is a horrible thing to say in this scenario, especially when the Dad is not with this teen most of the time. He has her for the weekend and is shoo-ing her away?

Then dad can decline the invite to spend time with his daughter if she can't be away from him for 2 hours or so without him feeling like a horrible parent.

And again, I don't see how that's a big deal. This is a 15 year old girl. Not a 5 year old. She should be able to entertain herself for a few hours no sweat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when we hang out with families like this. I do not want to spend my Saturday night having to be polite to the stupid stuff your 15 year old says. I want adult time. Tell your teen to find something to do.

There is much to love about American culture, but this statement features the flaws and failings America society.

I grew up in an immigrant community with multigenerational gatherings of family friends. I had the exact same reaction as PP.

Wanting a teen to just be on their phone all night seems so sad.

I grew up in an immigrant household and had lots of multigenerational gatherings with family friends. We would pop in on the adults table and bug them, nag them or beg them for whatever, and we might chat for a little bit, but they would shoo us away once we'd overstayed our welcome. We were expected to hang out with children. We could not feel so comfortable or as entitled as OP's neighbor's daughter and SIT at the adults' table ALL NIGHT. That's a smooth no. Immigrant cultures respect hierarchy and seniority and definitely believe in adult spaces and adult conversations that aren't for the ears of children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What on earth did you expect to talk about that you couldn't broach in front of a 15 year old? Your swinging proposition? Your binges? Your new sex tape?

Teens are developmentally ready to talk with adults. I have an 18 year old in college and a 13 year old - they can talk and opine about current events, and they're mature enough to hear about personal struggles (sanitized for the 13 year old). When he was 15, my son would often hang out with the adults, because we have a social circle where he has always been the oldest. So unless his friends were there, he would gravitate towards us, listen nonchalantly and interject perfectly appropriate comments or questions.

Well, to me it’s sort of similar to hanging out with a friend and a person I don’t know. Or a friend and someone who’s close to someone else I know. I might want to share details about my child or some issue my family is dealing with, and wouldn’t in this case. Or sometimes, our group can be jokey-snarky about parenting responsibilities, but I’m not doing that with a child present. I don’t want to hang out with a random 15 year old. I’m surprised they came. Maybe because it was on the Dad’s weekend and they didn’t want to leave her alone? Maybe you can plan for days you know she will be gone.

We face this with one couple. It’s irritating. The kid is clearly bored but won’t hang out with the older kids even though the age differences are moderate and one of them is a sibling. It definitely puts a damper on things. I like the kid, so I try to act like it is normal and fine, but it really isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

I think this is a horrible thing to say in this scenario, especially when the Dad is not with this teen most of the time. He has her for the weekend and is shoo-ing her away?

Then dad can decline the invite to spend time with his daughter if she can't be away from him for 2 hours or so without him feeling like a horrible parent.

And again, I don't see how that's a big deal. This is a 15 year old girl. Not a 5 year old. She should be able to entertain herself for a few hours no sweat.

I think we all agree the other family shouldn't have come because it put the teen in an awkward position of being at some unfamiliar person's house with nothing to do.

But once there, I don't think the teen or other parents did anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

I think this is a horrible thing to say in this scenario, especially when the Dad is not with this teen most of the time. He has her for the weekend and is shoo-ing her away?

Then dad can decline the invite to spend time with his daughter if she can't be away from him for 2 hours or so without him feeling like a horrible parent.

And again, I don't see how that's a big deal. This is a 15 year old girl. Not a 5 year old. She should be able to entertain herself for a few hours no sweat.

So, when you get divorced and your x-DH has your teen daughter of the weekend...

will you come on to DCUM and complain about X-DH and his new GF or wife taking your DD to some strangers home for dinner, casting her off to the kiddies table and then banishing her FOR JUST 2 HOURS to play with little kids or on her phone?

[Anonymous]

Hey OP -- looking forward to your kids posting in a few years about how you keep calling/wanting to spend time and they just want you to go watch TV and leave them alone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

I think this is a horrible thing to say in this scenario, especially when the Dad is not with this teen most of the time. He has her for the weekend and is shoo-ing her away?

Then dad can decline the invite to spend time with his daughter if she can't be away from him for 2 hours or so without him feeling like a horrible parent.

And again, I don't see how that's a big deal. This is a 15 year old girl. Not a 5 year old. She should be able to entertain herself for a few hours no sweat.

No, I would not complain about that, but how my ex partner spends their time with our child on their weekends is none of my business.

So, when you get divorced and your x-DH has your teen daughter of the weekend...

will you come on to DCUM and complain about X-DH and his new GF or wife taking your DD to some strangers home for dinner, casting her off to the kiddies table and then banishing her FOR JUST 2 HOURS to play with little kids or on her phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

I think this is a horrible thing to say in this scenario, especially when the Dad is not with this teen most of the time. He has her for the weekend and is shoo-ing her away?

Then dad can decline the invite to spend time with his daughter if she can't be away from him for 2 hours or so without him feeling like a horrible parent.

And again, I don't see how that's a big deal. This is a 15 year old girl. Not a 5 year old. She should be able to entertain herself for a few hours no sweat.

So, when you get divorced and your x-DH has your teen daughter of the weekend...

will you come on to DCUM and complain about X-DH and his new GF or wife taking your DD to some strangers home for dinner, casting her off to the kiddies table and then banishing her FOR JUST 2 HOURS to play with little kids or on her phone?

No, I would not complain about that, but how my ex partner spends their time with our child on their weekends is none of my business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when we hang out with families like this. I do not want to spend my Saturday night having to be polite to the stupid stuff your 15 year old says. I want adult time. Tell your teen to find something to do.

Same, and I generally like children and teens. I find it very weird when other adults have their teens hang out with the adult group. It's really annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

I think this is a horrible thing to say in this scenario, especially when the Dad is not with this teen most of the time. He has her for the weekend and is shoo-ing her away?

Then dad can decline the invite to spend time with his daughter if she can't be away from him for 2 hours or so without him feeling like a horrible parent.

And again, I don't see how that's a big deal. This is a 15 year old girl. Not a 5 year old. She should be able to entertain herself for a few hours no sweat.

Nobody said she was unable to entertain herself. I’n sure her parents are capable of entertaining themselves too, but I think opinion would run differently if Dad had gone in another room and pulled out his phone to entertain himself. When you accept an invitation to a get-together you are agreeing to participate. Going to a social event and socializing is what a good guest does.

If the Dad’s daughter wasn’t welcome, OP shouldn’t have invited her. Inviting someone while expecting them to know they are unwelcome and stay home while the other (welcome) members go, or expecting them to make themselves scarce if they actually show up, I would think is bad manners on the part of a host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

Jesus, you people are the worst. It’s not easy for dads who only see their teenaged daughters every other weekend to maintain close relationships. If she has to leave her primary home and can’t hang out with friends, how on earth do you think it will go over for dad to suggest she stay home alone while the rest of the family enjoys a family gathering with their friends because she’s doesn’t fit into the group dynamics? Or to bring her along, but tell her to entertain herself because everyone else has other people they want to socialize with?

OP, if it bugs you that much, either don’t socialize with these people on weekends or don’t make it a family affair. Have a play date for younger kids or adults only gathering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the parents' fault. If that happened, I would say to my daughter, ok the adults are going to hang for a bit, could you either chill with the kids or maybe play on your phone for a while? There is nothing the host can do about the rude guests. If the child is not a family member of BOTH the host and the guest (so niece or cousin), this is rude. I would prob shoo my teens away even if family if I got the sense my SIL wanted to chat about stuff she didn't want them to hear.

Absolutely. This is simple and common sense. Dad should have been emotionally tuned in to when his daughter might have overstayed her welcome at the adults' table and gently nudged her along.

I think this is a horrible thing to say in this scenario, especially when the Dad is not with this teen most of the time. He has her for the weekend and is shoo-ing her away?

If the dad wants QT with the kid, take her out to dinner and spend time together. At the friends' house, let her hang for a while and then say, ok move on for a little bit. Let's regroup in a few. It's not horrible; it's polite when you are the guest.