15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

Doesn’t she want to go out with her own friends? My 15 YO might agree to this dinner once but would not want to hang out with you any more than you want to entertain her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people who have a problem with this, don't actually HAVE teenagers.

No, the only people who DON'T have a problem with this LACK BOUNDARIES.

And their kids do too. They get it from the parents. Not at all the child’s fault. Bad manners tho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

Doesn’t she want to go out with her own friends? My 15 YO might agree to this dinner once but would not want to hang out with you any more than you want to entertain her.

Can we please stop assuming that all teens have a gang of friends who are down for hanging out in person every weekend? And no, that does not mean they should be included in adults-only dinners, but that’s not what this was billed as.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people who have a problem with this, don't actually HAVE teenagers.

Raises hand.

I have a problem with this and have a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Would depend

[Anonymous]

OP I think maybe your friend cares more about his daughter than about you. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Y’all are wild

[Anonymous]

Normal OP. Her choices were either stay with the adults or be a babysitter. I would have stayed with the adults too.

Maybe as she gets older she will have more places to go on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people who have a problem with this, don't actually HAVE teenagers.

No, the only people who DON'T have a problem with this LACK BOUNDARIES.

This is the modern day equivalent of “children shouldn’t speak unless spoken to.” OP invited a whole family over without knowing there was a teenager in the family. Now she knows and can adjust her invitations accordingly. Don’t invite people to your house whom you want to avoid. If you want to exclude someone, you have to be more exclusionary.

[Anonymous]

OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

[Anonymous]

You planned a 4 hour conversation after dinner. Before the adult dinner began, the kids ate. This is a minimum of a 5 hour evening. If I were the new friends I would never come again.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the dad is in a situation where if he doesn't spend time with his daughter at the dinner, the mom will get on his case about how he never spends time with his kid and will start an argument. I've seen this dynamic in divorced families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not normal and super weird that they brought her. A 15 year old doesn’t want to hang out with an 11 year old.

I agree. The kid shouldn’t have been present for the reason OP listed. The adults can’t fully express themselves in an adult manner with a minor present.

I understand her not wanting to hang out with an 11 year old but it would have been better to let her stay home or maybe invite a friend over for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when we hang out with families like this. I do not want to spend my Saturday night having to be polite to the stupid stuff your 15 year old says. I want adult time. Tell your teen to find something to do.

There is much to love about American culture, but this statement features the flaws and failings America society.

How common were blended families in your culture, where child only sees parent every other weekend?

I grew up in an immigrant community with multigenerational gatherings of family friends. I had the exact same reaction as PP.

Wanting a teen to just be on their phone all night seems so sad.

I grew up in an immigrant household and had lots of multigenerational gatherings with family friends. We would pop in on the adults table and bug them, nag them or beg them for whatever, and we might chat for a little bit, but they would shoo us away once we'd overstayed our welcome. We were expected to hang out with children. We could not feel so comfortable or as entitled as OP's neighbor's daughter and SIT at the adults' table ALL NIGHT. That's a smooth no. Immigrant cultures respect hierarchy and seniority and definitely believe in adult spaces and adult conversations that aren't for the ears of children.

Really? I'm an immigrant and I grew up in the South and I always ate at the adults' table because I was the oldest daughter in my parent's friend group. The boys who were my age ignored me and I didn't want to hang out with the little girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me