If you're anti-nanny but both you and your partner WOH, could you please explain why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An experienced and educated nanny gets $35 an hr on average plus overtime. No retirement benefits paid in a daycare will match this rate, for much less exhausting (though still exhausting) job. Of course, nanny has much more responsibility than a daycare teacher where you pick up a child and the afternoon teacher has no idea why your child has a human bite on his hand, or a bruise from apparent fall, or even what was happening with your child in the morning except basics. Collective responsibility more often means no one really responsible and "accidents happen" vs nanny is solely responsible, thus much higher pay.

Again, I am sure this is true in some low quality daycare, in the same way I am sure it is true that some Nannies steal, but there is no daycare most people in this SE bracket seriously consider that doesn’t have cameras.

Why do you feel compelled to tell obvious lies about daycares? Are you a nanny yourself? It just seems like a weird hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycares do not have either oversight or accountability, so there, and the teachers are mostly random people working somewhere while looking for "job." After couple of years, many actually apply for nanny jobs. Our nanny provides more activities and structure than any daycare, and there are lots of women in nanny world who are purposefully looking to work with young kids for the love of work, and they get higher wages. Cannot find them in a daycare.

I don’t understand your agenda here. My daughters first daycare teachers had been in their (background checked, degree-required) positions for 10 and 14 years respectively. Her current teachers have been there for 16 and 8 years.

Are you by any chance a nanny yourself? Because this information isn’t difficult to come by.

They aren’t teachers. They wipe butts, feed bottles and wrangle crying babies. They are lowly paid and typically uneducated minorities. They aren’t teachers. Maybe they should be teachers, but they aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best person to take care of a child is the child's mother.

Vote Republican. This should be the law of the land.

Then I’m sure they support a year of fully paid maternity leave.

Yea, which many of you can’t wait to end so you can get back to the career that you love so much and get yourself a nanny to do the hard work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycares do not have either oversight or accountability, so there, and the teachers are mostly random people working somewhere while looking for "job." After couple of years, many actually apply for nanny jobs. Our nanny provides more activities and structure than any daycare, and there are lots of women in nanny world who are purposefully looking to work with young kids for the love of work, and they get higher wages. Cannot find them in a daycare.

I don’t understand your agenda here. My daughters first daycare teachers had been in their (background checked, degree-required) positions for 10 and 14 years respectively. Her current teachers have been there for 16 and 8 years.

Are you by any chance a nanny yourself? Because this information isn’t difficult to come by.

They aren’t teachers. They wipe butts, feed bottles and wrangle crying babies. They are lowly paid and typically uneducated minorities. They aren’t teachers. Maybe they should be teachers, but they aren’t.

Then you do the job.

It's extremely stressful and takes a certain temperament to do well. We've had great daycare teachers (more in line with "preschool teachers") and just-okay daycare teachers, and there's a big difference.

And yes, they should all be paid more.

But it's possible to be a great infant/toddler caregiver without some fancy degree in Montessori education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
More parents should start thinking more about what’s best for their child, and less about what’s most convenient for them.

The earliest years of life are the very foundation for the rest of your child’s entire life. This isn’t the time to skimp on costs if neither the parents nor extended family is willing/available to do the important work of infant/ toddler care. Stability, competence and love are all critical.

Stability, competence and love are not unique to nannies, au pairs, and at home parents / family. Some nannies are not very good and some daycares are amazing.

And adding on to my comment - grandparents may be loving and well intentioned, but the vast majority of them have nothing on the energy and current knowledge infant / toddler safety and development of a 25yr old with a degree in early childhood education and a preschool full of safe spaces with tons of age appropriate toys and playground equipment. I felt 1000% better with my kids on a fully fenced and alarmed preschool playground with proper adult ratios than imagining my 73yr old mother breaking a hip chasing my 2yr old if he decided to bolt from a public park towards a parking lot or road.

Not everybody waits until they’re 100 to have kids and ends up with a 73 year old grandmother taking care of a 2 year old. When I’m 73, the grandkids I already have will be 21, 18 and 14. And before you write me off as an uneducated teenaged mother, I have a masters degree and so do all of my kids.

I think this response is a really great example as to how everyone’s personal circumstances are different. There isn’t one right fit for everyone.

People who are young grandparents are usually still working and not able to provide full time childcare. However I didn’t mean to quibble with other people’s family planning timeline. The main point is that many people seem to presume a single individual, whether nanny, au pair, or family member, providing one on one care is preferable to any other arrangement. That is what I disagree with. We can afford a nanny and live walking distance to more than one park and a pool. I just don’t think 1:1 care is the best option - even if it’s a mom, even if it were me. Even the best parents, family members, and nannies need breaks, get sick, and get bored. I think children are best served by having a team of caregivers for variety and socialization - that’s why even sahm use part-day preschool. So I am not “anti-nanny” as OP phrased it, I am pro-group care.

Yea this is really good. You work because you think your kid is better off in day care than in your care, and you think that day care is better than any care that any loving family member alone can provide - even a young grandmother who loves her grandkids like her own.

Me thinks you’re in the minority here - and that you’re kidding (really, lying to) yourself.

DP.
My mother is a highly educated professional who works with children.
But if she was my daily babysitter she would stick my kid in front of the TV and feed her Lunchables. And then guilt-trip me if I complained because the childcare is "free."
Our daycare does a way better job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok I’ll tell it like it is. Could afford daycare, nanny, and both at the same time. But no one is as competent as me, which is obviously a problem because I’m type A. The best answer would have been to quit and SAHM to raise them myself, but I make too much money to justify walking away from right now, so I’m the annoying working mom who glorifies the SAHM lifestyle and complains about how she can’t “afford” to quit.

The real kicker of course is my kids will turn out better without me around 24/7. Otherwise I’d be helicoptering all over them all day. Maybe a little bit of an inattentive nanny is a good thing.

How much do you make? This post sounds exactly like me but I still go back and forth on my decision frequently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycares do not have either oversight or accountability, so there, and the teachers are mostly random people working somewhere while looking for "job." After couple of years, many actually apply for nanny jobs. Our nanny provides more activities and structure than any daycare, and there are lots of women in nanny world who are purposefully looking to work with young kids for the love of work, and they get higher wages. Cannot find them in a daycare.

I don’t understand your agenda here. My daughters first daycare teachers had been in their (background checked, degree-required) positions for 10 and 14 years respectively. Her current teachers have been there for 16 and 8 years.

Are you by any chance a nanny yourself? Because this information isn’t difficult to come by.

They aren’t teachers. They wipe butts, feed bottles and wrangle crying babies. They are lowly paid and typically uneducated minorities. They aren’t teachers. Maybe they should be teachers, but they aren’t.

I don't know why it's hard to understand that daycares vary, and somebody who can afford a nanny can also afford a good daycare. Child development is a field of study. I wanted caretakers who had studied it to know how to deal with kids appropriately, and who got regular training and support of the type an accredited center can provide. And who got breaks and sick days, so they weren't checked out.
Daycare (infant-4) taught my kid table manners, potty and hygeine, her numbers and letters and how to write her name. They did theme lessons like the water cycle, caterpillars, and civil rights in the context of holidays like 4th and MLK day. So yes, they are teachers.

[Anonymous]

I was on the board of our daycare in DC for many years, and it takes A LOT of work to make one run well. They do exist though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
More parents should start thinking more about what’s best for their child, and less about what’s most convenient for them.

The earliest years of life are the very foundation for the rest of your child’s entire life. This isn’t the time to skimp on costs if neither the parents nor extended family is willing/available to do the important work of infant/ toddler care. Stability, competence and love are all critical.

Stability, competence and love are not unique to nannies, au pairs, and at home parents / family. Some nannies are not very good and some daycares are amazing.

And adding on to my comment - grandparents may be loving and well intentioned, but the vast majority of them have nothing on the energy and current knowledge infant / toddler safety and development of a 25yr old with a degree in early childhood education and a preschool full of safe spaces with tons of age appropriate toys and playground equipment. I felt 1000% better with my kids on a fully fenced and alarmed preschool playground with proper adult ratios than imagining my 73yr old mother breaking a hip chasing my 2yr old if he decided to bolt from a public park towards a parking lot or road.

Not everybody waits until they’re 100 to have kids and ends up with a 73 year old grandmother taking care of a 2 year old. When I’m 73, the grandkids I already have will be 21, 18 and 14. And before you write me off as an uneducated teenaged mother, I have a masters degree and so do all of my kids.

I think this response is a really great example as to how everyone’s personal circumstances are different. There isn’t one right fit for everyone.

People who are young grandparents are usually still working and not able to provide full time childcare. However I didn’t mean to quibble with other people’s family planning timeline. The main point is that many people seem to presume a single individual, whether nanny, au pair, or family member, providing one on one care is preferable to any other arrangement. That is what I disagree with. We can afford a nanny and live walking distance to more than one park and a pool. I just don’t think 1:1 care is the best option - even if it’s a mom, even if it were me. Even the best parents, family members, and nannies need breaks, get sick, and get bored. I think children are best served by having a team of caregivers for variety and socialization - that’s why even sahm use part-day preschool. So I am not “anti-nanny” as OP phrased it, I am pro-group care.

Yea this is really good. You work because you think your kid is better off in day care than in your care, and you think that day care is better than any care that any loving family member alone can provide - even a young grandmother who loves her grandkids like her own.

Me thinks you’re in the minority here - and that you’re kidding (really, lying to) yourself.

DP.
My mother is a highly educated professional who works with children.
But if she was my daily babysitter she would stick my kid in front of the TV and feed her Lunchables. And then guilt-trip me if I complained because the childcare is "free."
Our daycare does a way better job.

You can pay family members you know? I have a friend whose kid goes to “nanacare” with his cousins and both sets of parents pay their mom a bit below home daycare rates in our area. I really think they have the best setup but sadly my mom is too far away and has too many other commitments (my dad has health issues) for this to work in my family.

To OP’s question: I find it easier to trust the bureaucracy of daycare than my own ability to sufficiently do a background check and supervise a nanny. I don’t know if I’m who your question is aimed at because I think nannies can be great and I totally understand why other people prefer them they’re just not personally right for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I could ask this exact same question of someone who chose a nanny. Like why would you trust some random person in your house over vetted and accountable group childcare? That sounds insane!!

Because the people working at a childcare facility aren’t vetted any more than someone you hire as a nanny. You have no idea who these people are working at a daycare. You may actually have a better idea of who a nanny is if you hire her through word of mouth.

If you have the means, you will likely end up with a decent nanny who take good care of your child.

It’s so much better for your child to be in his or her own home with 1:1 attention. The child is able to avoid more illnesses and no rush to get out of the house in the morning. Daycare is essentially warehousing your child for the day. Why would you want your kid in storage and not in his or her own home?

Besides DC, I have never lived anywhere else that a person who can afford a nanny would choose daycare. In most places, a nanny is a luxury item and for a reason.

That’s because, besides DC, there is a lack of really amazing childcare in the country. But, for example, Smithsonian Preschool is in DC. Why *wouldn’t* you offer your kids that opportunity if it’s available to you?

The taxpayer dies not owe you childcare of any kind, shake. Or firm. You chose to have a child(ten,)and their childcare is on you..

Alas the taxpayer did owe you an elementary education and you still can’t frame a basic sentence. I’m sorry your country failed you.

Nevertheless, I could afford childcare and it was a private school that failed me and, possibly, will have failed my three children also educated at private schools. Eat you heart out! With enough inherited wealth, we don't worry about basic sentences.

“Eat your heart out?” You sound 70.

she’s probably one of those poor old ladies who anxiety posts “what would old money do?” She has an imaginary rich family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
More parents should start thinking more about what’s best for their child, and less about what’s most convenient for them.

The earliest years of life are the very foundation for the rest of your child’s entire life. This isn’t the time to skimp on costs if neither the parents nor extended family is willing/available to do the important work of infant/ toddler care. Stability, competence and love are all critical.

Stability, competence and love are not unique to nannies, au pairs, and at home parents / family. Some nannies are not very good and some daycares are amazing.

And adding on to my comment - grandparents may be loving and well intentioned, but the vast majority of them have nothing on the energy and current knowledge infant / toddler safety and development of a 25yr old with a degree in early childhood education and a preschool full of safe spaces with tons of age appropriate toys and playground equipment. I felt 1000% better with my kids on a fully fenced and alarmed preschool playground with proper adult ratios than imagining my 73yr old mother breaking a hip chasing my 2yr old if he decided to bolt from a public park towards a parking lot or road.

Not everybody waits until they’re 100 to have kids and ends up with a 73 year old grandmother taking care of a 2 year old. When I’m 73, the grandkids I already have will be 21, 18 and 14. And before you write me off as an uneducated teenaged mother, I have a masters degree and so do all of my kids.

I think this response is a really great example as to how everyone’s personal circumstances are different. There isn’t one right fit for everyone.

People who are young grandparents are usually still working and not able to provide full time childcare. However I didn’t mean to quibble with other people’s family planning timeline. The main point is that many people seem to presume a single individual, whether nanny, au pair, or family member, providing one on one care is preferable to any other arrangement. That is what I disagree with. We can afford a nanny and live walking distance to more than one park and a pool. I just don’t think 1:1 care is the best option - even if it’s a mom, even if it were me. Even the best parents, family members, and nannies need breaks, get sick, and get bored. I think children are best served by having a team of caregivers for variety and socialization - that’s why even sahm use part-day preschool. So I am not “anti-nanny” as OP phrased it, I am pro-group care.

Yea this is really good. You work because you think your kid is better off in day care than in your care, and you think that day care is better than any care that any loving family member alone can provide - even a young grandmother who loves her grandkids like her own.

Me thinks you’re in the minority here - and that you’re kidding (really, lying to) yourself.

DP.
My mother is a highly educated professional who works with children.
But if she was my daily babysitter she would stick my kid in front of the TV and feed her Lunchables. And then guilt-trip me if I complained because the childcare is "free."
Our daycare does a way better job.

You can pay family members you know? I have a friend whose kid goes to “nanacare” with his cousins and both sets of parents pay their mom a bit below home daycare rates in our area. I really think they have the best setup but sadly my mom is too far away and has too many other commitments (my dad has health issues) for this to work in my family.

To OP’s question: I find it easier to trust the bureaucracy of daycare than my own ability to sufficiently do a background check and supervise a nanny. I don’t know if I’m who your question is aimed at because I think nannies can be great and I totally understand why other people prefer them they’re just not personally right for me.

My mom would never accept money, it is not a norm in her culture to watch kids for pay.

[Anonymous]

Re: family members providing childcare:

It's hard not to envy those women with mothers / MILs who are doing a lot of heavy lifting - often for free! My SIL has that - her MIL is basically Mary Poppins and takes the kids for 2 days / week. My SIL is a SAHM and talks about how it's the toughest job in the world. Ummm you have two neurotypical kids and your MIL is doing a lot of the heavy lifting, get some perspective...

On the other hand, my kids have friends from a wide variety of backgrounds and I see a lot of grandparents "watching" kids and I feel bad for the kids. Plopping kids in front of the TV or dumping them on others for playdates b/c the grandparents are too old/unengaged.

[Anonymous]

I have no dog in this fight because my children are older, but I would choose a daycare center over a nanny past infancy only because all the nannies I meet are on their phones most of the time. Daycare centers IMO are more engaged with their charges because they have other adults to chat with and aren’t bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycares do not have either oversight or accountability, so there, and the teachers are mostly random people working somewhere while looking for "job." After couple of years, many actually apply for nanny jobs. Our nanny provides more activities and structure than any daycare, and there are lots of women in nanny world who are purposefully looking to work with young kids for the love of work, and they get higher wages. Cannot find them in a daycare.

I don’t understand your agenda here. My daughters first daycare teachers had been in their (background checked, degree-required) positions for 10 and 14 years respectively. Her current teachers have been there for 16 and 8 years.

Are you by any chance a nanny yourself? Because this information isn’t difficult to come by.

They aren’t teachers. They wipe butts, feed bottles and wrangle crying babies. They are lowly paid and typically uneducated minorities. They aren’t teachers. Maybe they should be teachers, but they aren’t.

Weird then, my two year old must be an incredible savant to suddenly, without instruction, know her colors, numbers, seasons and songs in two languages I don’t speak. Who knew I was raising such a brilliant child to have managed this without the assistance of teachers!

And those early childhood education degrees those “uneducated minorities” hold are obviously just decorative.

[Anonymous]

I don’t doubt that people have horror stories about nannies, but some of the craziest stories I have heard are from nannies discussing former employers.

Just sayin’…