If you're anti-nanny but both you and your partner WOH, could you please explain why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nannies have no oversight at work. Go to the playground in the middle of a workday and watch the nannies. Maybe 1 in 10 is actually good. The rest are just lazy people with few job options who love that they can make a decent wage by playing on their phone all day. All of my friends who use nannies have horror stories.
At least at a daycare your child is guaranteed to be safe, cared for, and get appropriate mental stimulation. Unlike some infants I know that were left in cribs awake for hours or propped in front of televisions.

-former SAHM who chose to put my child in daycare despite being able to afford a nanny

Yeah, right.

[Anonymous]

I had my first child right out of college. I met and got to know a lot of young au pairs on exchange programs. They would only be there for a year, they got room and board and a few dollars for their days off. They mostly resented the mothers who would put up unrealistic expectations that even they wouldn’t have followed. Cheap families who never went above and beyond the required regulations regarding the treatment of the au pair.

Much cheaper than daycare but it would be my last choice.

[Anonymous]

The best person to take care of a child is the child's mother.

Vote Republican. This should be the law of the land.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are jealous… of the nanny. The idea of other people having very strong bonds with their kids freaks them out.

That’s some real insecurity. The more love children have the better. I had my mother babysitting and when I got home they would hide my mom’s shoes so she couldn’t leave, my little one would hang on her leg. I was happy that their days were so good they didn’t want them to end.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Our kids (and my sibling’s, which came later) have always been taken care of by their grandparents. They see a lot of kids with nannies at the park and playgrounds. Some are pretty damned good and attentive, but most are just plain awful. Your nanny could easily be one thing in front of you and another completely different once she’s out the door with your kid.

I’m not saying they’re abusive or anything. Just inattentive and indifferent and sometimes a little short.

At least in a good day care there are rules and regulations and constant supervision and other kids to keep yours engaged and stimulated.

This is true, which is why you need to specify what is appropriate and inappropriate up front in the contract. When our kids were very little we also had a list of places she could take them on outings - when they were very little it was the local park and country club. Because I’m very active in my community there were eyes everywhere. I have tons of SAHM friends, who would always tell me ‘I saw Nanny and Larla today at the XXX. Nanny is so sweet.’ OR “how did you find Nanny? She is the only one I never see on the phone”. I’m the PP who used a service. I also wrote a solid contract and asked her to sign an NDA. No, were not famous, but I don’t want my kids on social media sites until they consent.

Nice try. But no, a “contract” doesn’t solve the problem and having eyes and ears in town doesn’t either. Everybody everywhere has both, and still you see nannies at the parks and playgrounds every day on their phones, being snippy with the kids, chatting with other nannies in their common foreign language while havoc wreaks around them, etc. You may tell yourself your situation is different, but it isn’t.

Again, I’m not saying any of this is the worst thing in the world. It isn’t. But no single individual outside of your own family is going to love your kid the way you do - FACT. At least in day care the indifference is spread around so the risk is lower. Plus, again, there are other kids around and constant supervision by the bosses.

A contract and due diligence worked for me. Perhaps you should talk from a point of experience rather than judgement and envy.

Oh, and "nice try"?!?!?

No one “envies” you, sweetheart, but I know that’s what you need to tell yourself, so please, do carry on.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. What does your last sentence mean: you’re the help unless you prove yourself useful enough to be considered otherwise?

A lot of nannies think they deserve perks that only a valued person would get. Sorry, but you’re not a member of my family when I first hire you - you’re a random off the side of the road in a profession that requires no education.

If you are helpful and go out of your way, then at my discretion you’ll be rewarded. If this doesn’t work for you, quit.

WOW, I would not want to work for you.

You’re not in the running. When you can pay someone then people care what you think.

Oops, your insecurity is showing.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I mean, I could ask this exact same question of someone who chose a nanny. Like why would you trust some random person in your house over vetted and accountable group childcare? That sounds insane!!

Because the people working at a childcare facility aren’t vetted any more than someone you hire as a nanny. You have no idea who these people are working at a daycare. You may actually have a better idea of who a nanny is if you hire her through word of mouth.

If you have the means, you will likely end up with a decent nanny who take good care of your child.

It’s so much better for your child to be in his or her own home with 1:1 attention. The child is able to avoid more illnesses and no rush to get out of the house in the morning. Daycare is essentially warehousing your child for the day. Why would you want your kid in storage and not in his or her own home?

Besides DC, I have never lived anywhere else that a person who can afford a nanny would choose daycare. In most places, a nanny is a luxury item and for a reason.

That’s because, besides DC, there is a lack of really amazing childcare in the country. But, for example, Smithsonian Preschool is in DC. Why *wouldn’t* you offer your kids that opportunity if it’s available to you?

The taxpayer dies not owe you childcare of any kind, shake. Or firm. You chose to have a child(ten,)and their childcare is on you..

Alas the taxpayer did owe you an elementary education and you still can’t frame a basic sentence. I’m sorry your country failed you.

Nevertheless, I could afford childcare and it was a private school that failed me and, possibly, will have failed my three children also educated at private schools. Eat you heart out! With enough inherited wealth, we don't worry about basic sentences.

“Eat your heart out?” You sound 70.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best person to take care of a child is the child's mother.

Vote Republican. This should be the law of the land.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Never.

[Anonymous]

Daycares do not have either oversight or accountability, so there, and the teachers are mostly random people working somewhere while looking for "job." After couple of years, many actually apply for nanny jobs. Our nanny provides more activities and structure than any daycare, and there are lots of women in nanny world who are purposefully looking to work with young kids for the love of work, and they get higher wages. Cannot find them in a daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daycares do not have either oversight or accountability, so there, and the teachers are mostly random people working somewhere while looking for "job." After couple of years, many actually apply for nanny jobs. Our nanny provides more activities and structure than any daycare, and there are lots of women in nanny world who are purposefully looking to work with young kids for the love of work, and they get higher wages. Cannot find them in a daycare.

I don’t understand your agenda here. My daughters first daycare teachers had been in their (background checked, degree-required) positions for 10 and 14 years respectively. Her current teachers have been there for 16 and 8 years.

Are you by any chance a nanny yourself? Because this information isn’t difficult to come by.

[Anonymous]

nannies usually go through a lot more background checks including fingerprinting, credit score, etc. Cannot imagine working in a daycare for 14 yrs, it is a very low paid job, they should try to get a nanny position, would be easy for them with their experience. Their degrees are purely nominal of course since state of mD has this crazy requirement of CDA and such. Anyone can complete those super easy online course. Anyway, it is rare now to have good teachers, lots left the field during covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:nannies usually go through a lot more background checks including fingerprinting, credit score, etc. Cannot imagine working in a daycare for 14 yrs, it is a very low paid job, they should try to get a nanny position, would be easy for them with their experience. Their degrees are purely nominal of course since state of mD has this crazy requirement of CDA and such. Anyone can complete those super easy online course. Anyway, it is rare now to have good teachers, lots left the field during covid.

If you work in a government setting the background check is significantly more in depth than fingerprints and credit score.

They stay because they’re well paid comparatively, get benefits packages and retirement which Nannies for the most part do not, and love babies of this age. They are part of a community. This doesn’t mean this is all daycares in the same way not all Nannies steal from their employees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best person to take care of a child is the child's mother.

Vote Republican. This should be the law of the land.

Then I’m sure they support a year of fully paid maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

An experienced and educated nanny gets $35 an hr on average plus overtime. No retirement benefits paid in a daycare will match this rate, for much less exhausting (though still exhausting) job. Of course, nanny has much more responsibility than a daycare teacher where you pick up a child and the afternoon teacher has no idea why your child has a human bite on his hand, or a bruise from apparent fall, or even what was happening with your child in the morning except basics. Collective responsibility more often means no one really responsible and "accidents happen" vs nanny is solely responsible, thus much higher pay.

[Anonymous]

Nannies get more vacation days from start, all holidays, more sick time, so they do get some benefits. And lots of daycares do not offer any 401K. Those that do pay much lower wages. Talking about infant/toddler room here, I guess preK may have better pay.