Has confronting the other woman ever gone well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out about DH's affair and confronted his AP, only to be shocked by her accusatory stance and lack of empathy. Is this really happening?

If you want to salvage this marriage, don't back down. If they were indeed having an affair, calmly confronting both was needed. What's the worse that can happen? Yes, your husband is the one who betrayed his vows but she is an adult woman knowingly participating in destroying a family. You did nothing wrong.

Now make up your mind about staying or leaving. If you are staying then ask your husband if he wants couple's counseling or divorce. Take it from there.

What's the worst that can happen?

1. You get yourself shot, or otherwise killed
2. You tell her husband, and her husband kills her and himself. Sometimes the kids too. The public doesn't always learn the reasons behind murder suicides, but I know one (personally know of) that occurred when the betrayed husband found out about an affair. Left their kids parentless.

It's never worth it. Get yourself tested for STDs, and get a divorce. He's not worth ruining your life over.

Amen about not ruining your life. NP and I'm wagering people here will think this is made up, but it's true: Confronting the other man actually ended up horribly for the family of a longtime family friend. Our family friend's adult DD ended up shooting the husband of her DH's AP. He lived, but might not have, and the woman only escaped jail time because her dad was promient and powerful in the small town and there was enough dough to give a payout to the man who got shot. But she really should have gone to jail, it was that bad.

Basically: Her DH was having an affair. The other woman's husband found out and stormed to this couple's home to confront the cheating DH. The guy was banging on a door, demanding the DH come outside and saying he'd beat the DH. The idiot cheating DH did go outside and the wife panicked and got the gun that she kept "for self-defense." She goes outside and yells that the two men, who by that point apparently were throwing punches, had to stop. She said later she was afraid her husband would get hurt. She ends up pulling the trigger and shooting the guy in the leg. (If she had hit his artery he likely would have died very quickly, if you know anything about what happens if a leg artery is shot.) The rest was a nightmare and she thought for a long time she was going to go to prison. It was only because her family was prominent and it was a small town where everyone knew (and liked) her, and thought the guy who was shot was a jerk, that she didn't go to jail. I've never understood why law enforcement didn't arrest and try her for this--I actually think they should have. Corruption saved her, basically, from her own incredible stupidity. I'd have just called the freaking cops as soon as the guy was pounding on the door. He's lucky he wasn't killed, she's lucky she wasn't jailed. And unbelievably she stayed with that DH!

It sounds like trash city but the woman and her cheating DH were a well-off upper middle class couple, gorgeous house, good jobs, blah blah. Not a "type" you'd expect to hear this about. It just shows that stupid has no boundaries. And confrontations with spouses' affair partners actually can get people shot and other people (nearly) arrested.

Doubtful this telenovella was real, but it’s not the betrayed spouses fault dummy. Imagine mine if that would have happened if the cheaters had integrity and didn’t cheat.

[Anonymous]

What a bunch of lunatics, letting the Other Woman off scot free.

She deserved to be punished, so she was.

[Anonymous]

^ +1

It’s more a see what can happen if you cheat.

It’s funny the moral she takes from it is that it’s the betrayed persons wrong doing. OMG.

Obviously doing this brings out the crazy yet people are still willing to lie and have sex behind their spouse/kids back knowing there could be great harm and being crazy people into their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ +1

It’s more a see what can happen if you cheat.

It’s funny the moral she takes from it is that it’s the betrayed persons wrong doing. OMG.

Obviously doing this brings out the crazy yet people are still willing to lie and have sex behind their spouse/kids back knowing there could be great harm and being crazy people into their lives.

Ha. I thought the same thing. The moral was the betrayed spouse was a bad person for not keeping the secret. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my 30s my close friend succumbed to this. He was a senior partner at her firm well respected and she was his mentee. They had a multi year torrid affair that consumed her 30s and she missed her chance to marry. He eventually died. She remained single. It broke my heart to watch bc she was so beautiful, smart, intelligent, successful and a good person. She had some unresolved childhood issues. It was hard to watch, because I love her and didn’t want her to miss having a husband. But I never judged her or considered her a bad person. Just a real person with real history and real limitations that tripped her up. She was repeatedly a target for older married men but only ever responded to this one.

Did you meet his wife?9

I saw her once. Never met him. But what is the point of this question. Obviously he had a wife.

That you think your friend was a good person and both of you have zero empathy.

I would have pulled a way from any friend that was “dating” a married father. It goes so far against my morals. I wouldn’t condone it and I couldn’t sit there for years like you did hearing about her affair. You did her a disservice by sitting there supporting it. And like you said she ended up alone without kids or a family for wasting all of those years.

I never said I supported or condoned it. I told her my concerns which certainly strained the friendship but unlike you I can recognize that there is more to a person than their worst decisions. She has some issues. As it seems you do. Just bc your spouse cheated on you doesn’t make YOU a good person either. Sounds like you use it as cover for some serious personality deficits actually. Here’s hoping you yourself learn some empathy someday because it sounds like you only care about yourself. Pot, kettle.

[Anonymous]

What is your goal? If the AP is married, reach out to their spouse. Reaching out to the AP just gets ugly and won't satisfy anybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out about DH's affair and confronted his AP, only to be shocked by her accusatory stance and lack of empathy. Is this really happening?

If you want to salvage this marriage, don't back down. If they were indeed having an affair, calmly confronting both was needed. What's the worse that can happen? Yes, your husband is the one who betrayed his vows but she is an adult woman knowingly participating in destroying a family. You did nothing wrong.

Now make up your mind about staying or leaving. If you are staying then ask your husband if he wants couple's counseling or divorce. Take it from there.

What's the worst that can happen?

1. You get yourself shot, or otherwise killed
2. You tell her husband, and her husband kills her and himself. Sometimes the kids too. The public doesn't always learn the reasons behind murder suicides, but I know one (personally know of) that occurred when the betrayed husband found out about an affair. Left their kids parentless.

It's never worth it. Get yourself tested for STDs, and get a divorce. He's not worth ruining your life over.

Amen about not ruining your life. NP and I'm wagering people here will think this is made up, but it's true: Confronting the other man actually ended up horribly for the family of a longtime family friend. Our family friend's adult DD ended up shooting the husband of her DH's AP. He lived, but might not have, and the woman only escaped jail time because her dad was promient and powerful in the small town and there was enough dough to give a payout to the man who got shot. But she really should have gone to jail, it was that bad.

Basically: Her DH was having an affair. The other woman's husband found out and stormed to this couple's home to confront the cheating DH. The guy was banging on a door, demanding the DH come outside and saying he'd beat the DH. The idiot cheating DH did go outside and the wife panicked and got the gun that she kept "for self-defense." She goes outside and yells that the two men, who by that point apparently were throwing punches, had to stop. She said later she was afraid her husband would get hurt. She ends up pulling the trigger and shooting the guy in the leg. (If she had hit his artery he likely would have died very quickly, if you know anything about what happens if a leg artery is shot.) The rest was a nightmare and she thought for a long time she was going to go to prison. It was only because her family was prominent and it was a small town where everyone knew (and liked) her, and thought the guy who was shot was a jerk, that she didn't go to jail. I've never understood why law enforcement didn't arrest and try her for this--I actually think they should have. Corruption saved her, basically, from her own incredible stupidity. I'd have just called the freaking cops as soon as the guy was pounding on the door. He's lucky he wasn't killed, she's lucky she wasn't jailed. And unbelievably she stayed with that DH!

It sounds like trash city but the woman and her cheating DH were a well-off upper middle class couple, gorgeous house, good jobs, blah blah. Not a "type" you'd expect to hear this about. It just shows that stupid has no boundaries. And confrontations with spouses' affair partners actually can get people shot and other people (nearly) arrested.

Doubtful this telenovella was real, but it’s not the betrayed spouses fault dummy. Imagine mine if that would have happened if the cheaters had integrity and didn’t cheat.

Well, it was real, dummy. And the fault is all around--cheating scum DH, idiot cheated-on husband wanting to fistfight, and idiot cheated-on DW with her gun who doesn't call the cops. She was the betrayed spouse but she shot the other betrayed spouse. And took back her cheating scum DH.

Yeah, I knew someoone here would call fake, but it's for real whether you want to believe it or not. Stupidity all around, frankly. She shot a man and was simply lucky he didn't die in her yard or she didn't go to jail. Welcome to small-town Southern corruption.

[Anonymous]

Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

[Anonymous]

I have to say if the couples I know who have been affected by infidelity a lot of them met online in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.


Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.


Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

[Anonymous]

Yes the BW is blameless if she kills someone 🤔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Uh ok. I make $250k. It’s my money too and my shared properties. Me. There’s a lot to lose for not saying something and ending it.

It’s just like a dumb ow to not think the guy she’s banging wealth and homes had a lot to do with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.


Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

again, the belief that the betrayed spouse is the only one who suffers in these situations is myopic and false. Everyone suffers eventually. Everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes the BW is blameless if she kills someone 🤔

Would you want to argue that part as dead OW? It’s risky behavior to threaten someone’s family by getting involved in it.

Plenty of single men in the sea. Really idiotic to go after a married one.