Continually get asked if I’m my son’s grandmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I know is I'm 43 and I get asked if I'm the nanny! People say stupid things, try not to ruminate.

Me too. I’m a POC and my child has blonde curls so I get asked this a lot !

how?

[Anonymous]

I frequently interact with kid-female caregiver pairs for work. I always use “mom” to refer the caregiver, even if she looks 95.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only rednecks or folks that started in high school/before college graduation are grandmothers at 42. It’s him.

Irrelevant. It is hard to guess someone’s age. The people you speak of at 42 probably look 60. Some
60 well kept women with means and access to good skin care could look 45 at a glance. We have no idea where OP falls on this spectrum

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only rednecks or folks that started in high school/before college graduation are grandmothers at 42. It’s him.

Irrelevant. It is hard to guess someone’s age. The people you speak of at 42 probably look 60. Some
60 well kept women with means and access to good skin care could look 45 at a glance. We have no idea where OP falls on this spectrum

How old are you ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

[Anonymous]

When we first moved here, it was all I thought. Every mom looked like she could be the grandma, and since there was no way to know until after speaking for a while, I learned quickly to assume everyone is a parent. Grandparents seem flattered and moms never knew. I'd never blurt out "are you having fun with grandma?!"

[Anonymous]

Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

+100

[Anonymous]

Why are you all so upset about a stranger thinking you are older than you are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all so upset about a stranger thinking you are older than you are?

Insecurity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

Np. Fact is op could be a grandma. Since hen is it an insult? Just laugh and say nope he is my son?

[Anonymous]

Do you live in the DMV? I can't imagine anyone saying that here. I feel like 40 is about the median age to have kids here. I had my first at 32 and I was the only one of my friends to have kids for almost 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

This... my MIL has looked 60+ since she was in her 40s, mostly a combo of not dying her hair, getting a 'zero maintenance' super short haircut, and wearing zero makeup or skin care. If that's how you feel most comfortable that's awesome! But that's also not how a lot of women decide to look at that age so you can't be surprised if the assumption is that you are older.
I feel the same way if someone keeps their boy toddler's hair long and dresses them in gender neutral clothing... shouldn't be offended if someone assumes he is a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

Np. Fact is op could be a grandma. Since hen is it an insult? Just laugh and say nope he is my son?

40 year olds are not commonly grandparents.