Husband refuses to help with night feedings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is working, you are not. That means you wake up in the middle of the night until you all are gearing up for you to go back and you find an equitable schedule. It’s insane to me that you think he should be doing night feedings.
Signed, mother of 2

It's insane to me that you expects all women to have low expectations of their husbands as you do of yours.

He's not performing brain surgery. He can get his ass up once a night or go to bed a bit later and do a morning feed instead of exercising every morning

And she can take a nap.

And he can skip the gym and sleep later some mornings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


What happened to Mom’s daytime naps??

Op refuses to nap during the day.
Her husband refuses to share in night care

They both refuse outside help.


I think the best advice.is to be one and done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is working, you are not. That means you wake up in the middle of the night until you all are gearing up for you to go back and you find an equitable schedule. It’s insane to me that you think he should be doing night feedings.
Signed, mother of 2

It's insane to me that you expects all women to have low expectations of their husbands as you do of yours.

He's not performing brain surgery. He can get his ass up once a night or go to bed a bit later and do a morning feed instead of exercising every morning

And she can take a nap.

And so can he on his lunch break or he can skip his daily exercise hour and sleep in

[Anonymous]

I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are both working. He works his job meanwhile her work is taking care of the baby during those same hours. Everything outside those work hours should be divided equally.
Saying he doesn't have to do anything at night because "he is working" in the day is a terrible way to get started. That's exactly how women end up responsible for everything home and kid related while men just "go to work". And it gets worse when the mom goes back to work. Her list gets longer and his doesn't change. OP should stand firm.

Why don’t you want her to get a nap or two during the day?

Why doesn't husband nap during his lunch break? There are others things that need to be done when the baby finally falls asleep (pump, clean parts, eat, use the bathroom, shower, change, to laundry, clean up messes). They don't nap for so long and it's really to make yourself fall asleep when you know that the baby will start screaming in just a few minutes. It also depends on the babies and their sleep habits. I have almost never been able to "nap while they nap" with my crappy sleepers. Plus sometimes they can only sleep on you or in the stroller.

I think ops husband is being a jerk but op can and should nap at least for 2 of the baby's naps. A lot of what you mentioned is part of the rigidity that posters are talking about. He needs to step up and she needs to let go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


What happened to Mom’s daytime naps??

Op refuses to nap during the day.
Her husband refuses to share in night care

They both refuse outside help.


I think the best advice.is to be one and done

Yeah, this is the best it will get. One newborn (if they don’t have colic) is easy. You can lounge on the couch watching Netflix and nursing majority of day. It only gets harder as you add in other kids to the mix. So think about this when he is a toddler and you want another newborn

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a jerk but you also could get a nice 5 hour stretch if you went to bed at 8 and DH did the 10pm feed. Then 2-3 days/wk he skips the 6am workout and you get to sleep in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a jerk but you also could get a nice 5 hour stretch if you went to bed at 8 and DH did the 10pm feed. Then 2-3 days/wk he skips the 6am workout and you get to sleep in.

The problem is her husband refuses to take on the 10 am feeding and skip or alter his workout.


Op wants to stick to her current pumping and formula schedule so she won't go to sleep at 8

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all the pages, but it sounds like the OP said her husband is doing the 1 am feeding. Doesn’t that one count as a night feeding? If OP sleeps from 10-3 because he does the 1 am feeding, I’m not sure what she is complaining about. Maybe he could do the 10 pm feeding and she can go to bed at 8. But, expecting him do do more during the deep nighttime seems unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Isn't this why men pay for dates? Women do the bulk of the household work, including getting up with the baby.

/s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


What happened to Mom’s daytime naps??

Op refuses to nap during the day.
Her husband refuses to share in night care

They both refuse outside help.


I think the best advice.is to be one and done

Who are these people acting like it's just so easy to nap in the day with a newborn? Do you even know how short those "naps" are? By the time you are done pumping and warmed up your coffee they're about to wake up again. Plus you are in a state of constant vigilance and it can be really hard to fall asleep on command. I could only truly fall asleep in the day if I knew someone else was in charge.
Men have a hard time stepping up for baby number 1. When the second one comes, they have no choice so it equalizes a bit. Also husbands: women keep count. Don't support her when she needs it the most and be ready to suffer the consequences down the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the pages, but it sounds like the OP said her husband is doing the 1 am feeding. Doesn’t that one count as a night feeding? If OP sleeps from 10-3 because he does the 1 am feeding, I’m not sure what she is complaining about. Maybe he could do the 10 pm feeding and she can go to bed at 8. But, expecting him do do more during the deep nighttime seems unreasonable.

She wants to keep the current arrangement but he wants to do 0 night feedings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


What happened to Mom’s daytime naps??

Op refuses to nap during the day.
Her husband refuses to share in night care

They both refuse outside help.


I think the best advice.is to be one and done

OP can fix only herself. She can keep refusing to take a nap, and continue fighting with her husband. Sounds like children having children, although we aren’t talking about teens here.

[Anonymous]

1) stop changing the baby’s diaper at night unless he poops

2) don’t wash your pump parts each time- stick them in the fridge like you would if you were pumping at work.

I think your dh should take one of the shifts, but will say that I did all nighttime stuff with 2 kids bc I was nursing and the baby (and I) went back to sleep quickly bc neither of us fully woke up for feedings),

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


What happened to Mom’s daytime naps??

Op refuses to nap during the day.
Her husband refuses to share in night care

They both refuse outside help.


I think the best advice.is to be one and done

OP can fix only herself. She can keep refusing to take a nap, and continue fighting with her husband. Sounds like children having children, although we aren’t talking about teens here.

DP. Agree she can only fix herself which is why if DH continued to refuse to compromise, I’d be hiring a night nurse.