When you didn’t “do enough” as a host

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. An update… turns out the big problem was i underestimated how many forks I needed and there wasn’t enough for dessert and I had to wash some first.

As if you were going to buy some forks for this meal?? Please. She'd have had the same complaint about plastic forks.

Sis is grumpy about something and it is not xmas dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. An update… turns out the big problem was i underestimated how many forks I needed and there wasn’t enough for dessert and I had to wash some first.

As if you were going to buy some forks for this meal?? Please. She'd have had the same complaint about plastic forks.

Sis is grumpy about something and it is not xmas dinner.

Op here… DH and I are dying over here. Everyone was like where are the forks for dessert? We had a drawer full but they were “the small ones” aka the salad or dessert forks. But no one agreed they were the appropriate forks. So I pulled dinner forks out and washed then

[Anonymous]

Sorry to have to ask this question, OP, but are all the people in your family a$$holes? I have NEVER attended a family gathering where anyone cared whether they were using the right forks for the food. Clean utensils is the only requirement.

SO thankful for the drama free family I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to have to ask this question, OP, but are all the people in your family a$$holes? I have NEVER attended a family gathering where anyone cared whether they were using the right forks for the food. Clean utensils is the only requirement.

SO thankful for the drama free family I have.

Op here, yes it kind of seems like it! After all of the drama now it’s kind of funny. Also, if you don’t like a particular fork, pull a dirty one out of the dishwasher and hand wash it!!

[Anonymous]

Congrats on never having to host again! Now you can graciously always bow out as to not have to make them suffer so horribly. Sit back and relax!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

What other thing would a guest do that you are thinking of here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

What other thing would a guest do that you are thinking of here?

If they have eaten their meal beforehand because they did not wish to eat “heavy appetizers” for dinner, I assume they would perhaps pick at the appetizers rather than eat one or two or more full plates. Just a guess!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. An update… turns out the big problem was i underestimated how many forks I needed and there wasn’t enough for dessert and I had to wash some first.

As if you were going to buy some forks for this meal?? Please. She'd have had the same complaint about plastic forks.

Sis is grumpy about something and it is not xmas dinner.

Op here… DH and I are dying over here. Everyone was like where are the forks for dessert? We had a drawer full but they were “the small ones” aka the salad or dessert forks. But no one agreed they were the appropriate forks. So I pulled dinner forks out and washed then

Oh man. You shouldn’t have had to wash forks when there were perfectly good forks in the drawer, but I understand that sometimes, you just want an issue to get resolved! I got publicly called out pretty badly one thanksgiving for forgetting to wash a single serving spoon for a sit-down dinner I hosted for 14 people. Flatware can apparently be very polarizing 🤣

[Anonymous]

Smaller forks are more appropriate for dessert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smaller forks are more appropriate for dessert.

I know!! That’s what make it even more bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Your sister arrived rudely early and to save her own embarrassment accused you of starting your party too late. Lol. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if she wanted the appetizers evening to be “her thing” and is jealous you chose the same type of event and lashed out.

Op here, maybe? I didn’t consider that. I even gave her credit when communicating “it worked so well at Larla’s house last year, let’s do it again!” I’m pretty sure I’ve done it before too but it’s been awhile. IF I ever host again, which is a huge IF, I will probably ask people what they want to eat and what time they want to get together just to avoid this.

The irony is there are certain family members that only host at a certain time no matter the event and it’s not the most convenient always and it’s been gently brought up and the response is always “when I host, I get to decide the time, come or don’t come!”

Go to Costco - get some pre-made salad, rotisserie chicken, ready to bake mac and cheese and other sides, cake and done.

Why? Why would she do her party any way other than the way she wants to host it? Why are you giving her your party menu? It's not your party.

[Anonymous]

I have a sister like this.

She has diagnosed bipolar and is terrible at hosting or doing anything like that. But she constantly criticizes how everyone else hosts. It's total insecurity and projection.

OP, I'm sorry. Sometimes that's just how families are. But don't host again. Why put yourself through it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

What is "heavy apps??" Never heard of that. Just make a big turkey next year, and ask others to bring sides. You put out few bowls chips, dips, nuts to snack on and make gravey. Put their sides in oven to reheat after pull turkey out.

No don't host. That was rude and it's not worth the stress