When you didn’t “do enough” as a host

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

Mainly American Anglo culture. This would never happen in other cultures (Hispanic, Arab, S Asian, most African, etc.), and something that my DH has a hard time with in the US. When he first moved here, he thought people would take offense at the poor hospitality. It can be shocking for those not used to it. I had to tell him that it really is just an anglo thing to not be super hospitable and offer food so not to worry. The hosts thought they were being gracious but the definition of gracious is defined differently in various cultures. Americans do other things very well - better than others - but hospitality is just not one of those strong traits. And no, not even the South.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

What is "heavy apps??" Never heard of that. Just make a big turkey next year, and ask others to bring sides. You put out few bowls chips, dips, nuts to snack on and make gravey. Put their sides in oven to reheat after pull turkey out.

No don't host. That was rude and it's not worth the stress

Op here, exactly. Also no one in our family wants a turkey dinner for Christmas…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

Mainly American Anglo culture. This would never happen in other cultures (Hispanic, Arab, S Asian, most African, etc.), and something that my DH has a hard time with in the US. When he first moved here, he thought people would take offense at the poor hospitality. It can be shocking for those not used to it. I had to tell him that it really is just an anglo thing to not be super hospitable and offer food so not to worry. The hosts thought they were being gracious but the definition of gracious is defined differently in various cultures. Americans do other things very well - better than others - but hospitality is just not one of those strong traits. And no, not even the South.

Lol, I can assure you PLENTY of food was offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Word for word? No lol. But they let themselves into the house (totally fine, we leave the door unlocked for family) and showed up early. As soon we heard them come in, I helped grab food, rearranged the freezer for some to fit their dishes in, DH helped my dad bring gifts in from the car. Dinner was heavy apps, just as we did last year at another family members house. Apparently our arrival time was too late, we should’ve had people over at lunch but we have kids and so do others, so we wanted a leisurely morning vs rush rush

Wait, you Christmas dinner was appetizers???!!!

[Anonymous]

I feel like people just stopped making an effort.

It started with stopping to dressing up for holidays following by stopping to clean the house before hosting followed by using paper plates and plastic utensils followed by stopping to cook dinner itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

Expecting people to eat dinner before dinner time because you don't want to serve dinner is bizarre. You serve a meal, not appetizers or you host from 2-4 and serve snacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

What is "heavy apps??" Never heard of that. Just make a big turkey next year, and ask others to bring sides. You put out few bowls chips, dips, nuts to snack on and make gravey. Put their sides in oven to reheat after pull turkey out.

You’ve “never heard of” heavy apps? Really? Use your contact clues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

What is "heavy apps??" Never heard of that. Just make a big turkey next year, and ask others to bring sides. You put out few bowls chips, dips, nuts to snack on and make gravey. Put their sides in oven to reheat after pull turkey out.

You’ve “never heard of” heavy apps? Really? Use your contact clues.

*context

[Anonymous]

1. I need to know OP’s menu because now my mouth is watering at the thought of a heavy apps meal

2. Dessert forks are not appropriate for… dessert?

3. Is your sister the only one who expressed anger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

Expecting people to eat dinner before dinner time because you don't want to serve dinner is bizarre. You serve a meal, not appetizers or you host from 2-4 and serve snacks.

Our friends and family enjoy this format for certain holidays and several of us have done it. We all love the appetizers so much that people would rather enjoy the apps than eat dinner. There are a variety of hot and cold things from different food groups. I would be mindful of other cultures if hosting new friends given the upthread discussion, but this is still how I would host certain parties and if people didn’t like the food that was offered, I stand by my comment that they could always eat beforehand. Just like I would do if I was invited to something where I don’t eat the food (like a seafood boil), for example, but where I still wanted to attend and enjoy the company.

Thank you for taking the time to explain your thoughts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

What is "heavy apps??" Never heard of that. Just make a big turkey next year, and ask others to bring sides. You put out few bowls chips, dips, nuts to snack on and make gravey. Put their sides in oven to reheat after pull turkey out.

You’ve “never heard of” heavy apps? Really? Use your contact clues.

Heavy apps are meant to be a substitute for dinner. You are supposed to serve a larger variety and quantity of apps than one would expect for a pre-dinner app service. There must be hot options. It’s great for open houses or events where you don’t have table seating for all guests. Or at Christmas when some people don’t want a turkey again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

Expecting people to eat dinner before dinner time because you don't want to serve dinner is bizarre. You serve a meal, not appetizers or you host from 2-4 and serve snacks.

+1. It’s just cheap and lazy, and the sign of a terrible host. OP states that the heavy apps were “plenty” of food. But it’s not real food. I can buy 75 bags of Doritos, pretzels, and assorted party mix. That’s “plenty” of food but it’s not a real meal, and you won’t feel good filling up on bags of chips for dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

Expecting people to eat dinner before dinner time because you don't want to serve dinner is bizarre. You serve a meal, not appetizers or you host from 2-4 and serve snacks.

+1. It’s just cheap and lazy, and the sign of a terrible host. OP states that the heavy apps were “plenty” of food. But it’s not real food. I can buy 75 bags of Doritos, pretzels, and assorted party mix. That’s “plenty” of food but it’s not a real meal, and you won’t feel good filling up on bags of chips for dinner

OP says "food was cooking" and somehow you decided that means she only served chips? Do you often cook chips? The food and menu was clearly not the issue with OPs sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

Expecting people to eat dinner before dinner time because you don't want to serve dinner is bizarre. You serve a meal, not appetizers or you host from 2-4 and serve snacks.

+1. It’s just cheap and lazy, and the sign of a terrible host. OP states that the heavy apps were “plenty” of food. But it’s not real food. I can buy 75 bags of Doritos, pretzels, and assorted party mix. That’s “plenty” of food but it’s not a real meal, and you won’t feel good filling up on bags of chips for dinner

OP posted what she served and it was far from pretzels and Doritos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

Expecting people to eat dinner before dinner time because you don't want to serve dinner is bizarre. You serve a meal, not appetizers or you host from 2-4 and serve snacks.

+1. It’s just cheap and lazy, and the sign of a terrible host. OP states that the heavy apps were “plenty” of food. But it’s not real food. I can buy 75 bags of Doritos, pretzels, and assorted party mix. That’s “plenty” of food but it’s not a real meal, and you won’t feel good filling up on bags of chips for dinner

If you did that, you wouldn’t be serving heavy apps. Heavy apps are things like meatballs, a cheese and charcuterie tray, crudités, chicken skewers, mini sandwiches, etc. When I do heavy apps, it’s typically more time consuming and definitely more expensive than my thanksgiving turkey dinner. Could it be that posters don’t understand what “heavy apps” entails? I’ve never seen Doritos at a heavy apps party.