SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

Because this sort of thing is a female thing. So is (in general), remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And women create these situations, and then get mad when their men forget to do it or don't do it the way the woman wanted it done.

I'm a wife of 20+ years, and believe that once you see it the way I've outlined above, it can only benefit you, and save you from being angry in these situations.

It’s 1950s outdated sexist trash and “benefits” no one.

+100 I blame a lot of this on the rwnjs who are trying to put women in their place back in 1950.

Wow. some of you guys are just ADAMENT about not having a relationship with your DH's side of the family. Which, to be honest, feels like you're just setting yourselves up for failure

DP. Failure? What failure? Not writing postcards doesn't mean I don't have or don't want a relationship with my DH's side of the family. What I DO want is to be able to have relationships on my terms, not what is dictated by someone else, especially people who hold outdated, patriarchal attitudes about the role of women - that includes women with those attitudes. If my DH's family don't like what I bring to a relationship and how I bring it, fine. Choices should be respected.

Relationships are give and take, never solely on one side’s terms. And the relationship here in question is between OP and her niece/nephews.

Sure, but it's OP's SIL that's directing people to write. If writing a letter/postcard isn't OP's love language, she can easily find another way to foster the relationship - if she chooses. It's not like this is a one time opportunity. And, we all get to decide what we want to invest/do in a relationship. If the other person doesn't find that agreeable, they can choose to disengage. Each person has choices.

SIL isn’t directing people, please. This is pretty standard - the camp lets the parents know the address for camp care packages and letters, then the parent shares that information with the extended family and encourages them to write. OP’s SIL is acting like pretty much every other camp parent on earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

NP

It's not OP's niece. It's her husband's niece. Not her responsibility.

Minus a million.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

NP

It's not OP's niece. It's her husband's niece. Not her responsibility.

So what does the child call her? Larla? Or Aunt Larla?

[Anonymous]

I can't wait until it's Mother's Day and we have to hear all the posts about the difficulty of ordering flowers (less than 5 minutes) for your husband's mother, the woman your children call grandma.

[Anonymous]

Jeez I’m so glad we don’t have any nieces or nephews lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez I’m so glad we don’t have any nieces or nephews lol

I know 2 minutes of effort is SUCH A BOTHER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sheesh, you could have scrawled a few lines and handed it to your husband to do the same and post in the amount of time it took you to write this.

Time equivalents aren't the issue.

NP. Why, then?

Exactly, this doesn’t make sense.

Really? You determine what you do by how much time it will take you to do it? I wouldn't do this because it strengthens the perception that I, a woman, am responsible for managing my DH's relationships with his family. It would send the message that I accept that this is a woman's responsibility - that I could be guilted into doing something. If I do this once, I'll be expected to do it again the next time this kid or other nieces/nephews go to camp. If it was something that I wanted to do, that would be different. OP doesn't want to do it and she shouldn't be judged for not doing it.

What? Quickly dashing off a line then handing it over to DH to complete and mail is assuming all the emotional labor for his family? lmao.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sheesh, you could have scrawled a few lines and handed it to your husband to do the same and post in the amount of time it took you to write this.

Time equivalents aren't the issue.

NP. Why, then?

Exactly, this doesn’t make sense.

Really? You determine what you do by how much time it will take you to do it? I wouldn't do this because it strengthens the perception that I, a woman, am responsible for managing my DH's relationships with his family. It would send the message that I accept that this is a woman's responsibility - that I could be guilted into doing something. If I do this once, I'll be expected to do it again the next time this kid or other nieces/nephews go to camp. If it was something that I wanted to do, that would be different. OP doesn't want to do it and she shouldn't be judged for not doing it.

What? Quickly dashing off a line then handing it over to DH to complete and mail is assuming all the emotional labor for his family? lmao.

Bless your heart. What makes you think OP's DH would complete the card and mail it? If he can be counted on to do that, OP wouldn't have to do anything at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

Because this sort of thing is a female thing. So is (in general), remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And women create these situations, and then get mad when their men forget to do it or don't do it the way the woman wanted it done.

I'm a wife of 20+ years, and believe that once you see it the way I've outlined above, it can only benefit you, and save you from being angry in these situations.

It’s 1950s outdated sexist trash and “benefits” no one.

+100 I blame a lot of this on the rwnjs who are trying to put women in their place back in 1950.

Wow. some of you guys are just ADAMENT about not having a relationship with your DH's side of the family. Which, to be honest, feels like you're just setting yourselves up for failure

DP. Failure? What failure? Not writing postcards doesn't mean I don't have or don't want a relationship with my DH's side of the family. What I DO want is to be able to have relationships on my terms, not what is dictated by someone else, especially people who hold outdated, patriarchal attitudes about the role of women - that includes women with those attitudes. If my DH's family don't like what I bring to a relationship and how I bring it, fine. Choices should be respected.

Relationships are give and take, never solely on one side’s terms. And the relationship here in question is between OP and her niece/nephews.

Sure, but it's OP's SIL that's directing people to write. If writing a letter/postcard isn't OP's love language, she can easily find another way to foster the relationship - if she chooses. It's not like this is a one time opportunity. And, we all get to decide what we want to invest/do in a relationship. If the other person doesn't find that agreeable, they can choose to disengage. Each person has choices.

SIL isn’t directing people, please. This is pretty standard - the camp lets the parents know the address for camp care packages and letters, then the parent shares that information with the extended family and encourages them to write. OP’s SIL is acting like pretty much every other camp parent on earth.

Except that's not how OP feels about it. She understands it as a direction to write, not an invitation. Not everyone has the same family dynamics that you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

NP

It's not OP's niece. It's her husband's niece. Not her responsibility.

I find this attitude sad really. When you marry you don't just marry the one person but, you are supposed to join two families. What if you celebrated Christmas together and this same niece didn't get you a present because op isn't blood family. I bet everyone here would be up in arms!

If you only care about your 'blood' relatives feel free to ignore but, when a simple act would bring joy and love I don't know why you wouldn't.

My marriage vows indicated my DH and I would be the ones joining, not our families. If it were the joining of our two families, I wouldn't have gotten married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

NP

It's not OP's niece. It's her husband's niece. Not her responsibility.

I find this attitude sad really. When you marry you don't just marry the one person but, you are supposed to join two families. What if you celebrated Christmas together and this same niece didn't get you a present because op isn't blood family. I bet everyone here would be up in arms!

If you only care about your 'blood' relatives feel free to ignore but, when a simple act would bring joy and love I don't know why you wouldn't.

My marriage vows indicated my DH and I would be the ones joining, not our families. If it were the joining of our two families, I wouldn't have gotten married.

Your marriage is doomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

Because this sort of thing is a female thing. So is (in general), remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And women create these situations, and then get mad when their men forget to do it or don't do it the way the woman wanted it done.

I'm a wife of 20+ years, and believe that once you see it the way I've outlined above, it can only benefit you, and save you from being angry in these situations.

It’s 1950s outdated sexist trash and “benefits” no one.

+100 I blame a lot of this on the rwnjs who are trying to put women in their place back in 1950.

Wow. some of you guys are just ADAMENT about not having a relationship with your DH's side of the family. Which, to be honest, feels like you're just setting yourselves up for failure

DP. Failure? What failure? Not writing postcards doesn't mean I don't have or don't want a relationship with my DH's side of the family. What I DO want is to be able to have relationships on my terms, not what is dictated by someone else, especially people who hold outdated, patriarchal attitudes about the role of women - that includes women with those attitudes. If my DH's family don't like what I bring to a relationship and how I bring it, fine. Choices should be respected.

Relationships are give and take, never solely on one side’s terms. And the relationship here in question is between OP and her niece/nephews.

Sure, but it's OP's SIL that's directing people to write. If writing a letter/postcard isn't OP's love language, she can easily find another way to foster the relationship - if she chooses. It's not like this is a one time opportunity. And, we all get to decide what we want to invest/do in a relationship. If the other person doesn't find that agreeable, they can choose to disengage. Each person has choices.

SIL isn’t directing people, please. This is pretty standard - the camp lets the parents know the address for camp care packages and letters, then the parent shares that information with the extended family and encourages them to write. OP’s SIL is acting like pretty much every other camp parent on earth.

Except that's not how OP feels about it. She understands it as a direction to write, not an invitation. Not everyone has the same family dynamics that you do

I see that more of a reflection on OP than SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

NP

It's not OP's niece. It's her husband's niece. Not her responsibility.

I find this attitude sad really. When you marry you don't just marry the one person but, you are supposed to join two families. What if you celebrated Christmas together and this same niece didn't get you a present because op isn't blood family. I bet everyone here would be up in arms!

If you only care about your 'blood' relatives feel free to ignore but, when a simple act would bring joy and love I don't know why you wouldn't.

My marriage vows indicated my DH and I would be the ones joining, not our families. If it were the joining of our two families, I wouldn't have gotten married.

Your marriage is doomed.

LOL! Sure it is! I've been married over 25 years - much longer than you, I'm sure. If you had more life experience, you'd understand that not everyone does things the way you do and that they are not wrong. Your expectations are yours to manage.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of whether OP is right or wrong, she will not be making “the child suffer” nor will niece be the “poor girl” to be pitied as some have stated.

Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sheesh, you could have scrawled a few lines and handed it to your husband to do the same and post in the amount of time it took you to write this.

Time equivalents aren't the issue.

NP. Why, then?

Exactly, this doesn’t make sense.

Really? You determine what you do by how much time it will take you to do it? I wouldn't do this because it strengthens the perception that I, a woman, am responsible for managing my DH's relationships with his family. It would send the message that I accept that this is a woman's responsibility - that I could be guilted into doing something. If I do this once, I'll be expected to do it again the next time this kid or other nieces/nephews go to camp. If it was something that I wanted to do, that would be different. OP doesn't want to do it and she shouldn't be judged for not doing it.

What? Quickly dashing off a line then handing it over to DH to complete and mail is assuming all the emotional labor for his family? lmao.

Bless your heart. What makes you think OP's DH would complete the card and mail it? If he can be counted on to do that, OP wouldn't have to do anything at all.

At that point, it's not her problem anymore. But she would have done her part, in less time than the original post took.