SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp

[Anonymous]

It took more time to write this post than the letter to camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It took more time to write this post than the letter to camp.

Writing time, sure. Finding an envelope, finding a stamp, addressing the envelope, taking it to the mailbox took longer. And, it's not as if OP has done much writing after the OP. Oh, you also forgot the resentment toll as well. But, since you can't possibly imagine resentment toll, keep on enjoying your perfect little life.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:NP here.

But I wonder if OP could share the language of the email from SIL.

"Here's Larla's address at camp this summer in case anyone is interested"

is way different than:

"Please send Larla mail once a week so she doesn't get homesick"

OP here. It was:

“Lucy and Lilly will be at camp X date to Y date. Please be sure to make camp extra special for them by writing them at this ADDRESS.”

It was not phrased as a request or “if you want to.”

I can see I’m in the minority but I’m okay with that. My relationship with them is fine, I don’t need to be their BFF. We all live locally and see each other plenty.

That phrasing was not a command, and it’s somewhat petty of you not to mail a postcard.

I completely agree. If you're offended by that, OP, then you must be a very unhappy person.

Never said I was offended. Just a busy tired mom like everyone else and was irritated that I know SIL presumes I will do this for her brother. She KNOWS he isn’t going to. Why do women create more work for other women? That’s all. On principle I’m not going to. I think my nieces will be just fine with it.

Projecting a lot. Kids just want mail at camp. It’s not rocket science.

No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do, but don’t tell yourself you are taking some sort of principled stand here.

DP Why are you presuming the PP doesn't know her SIL? I know how my SIL thinks because she's made it clear when something doesn't happen, she blames me rather than her brother for not making it happen. I have no doubt the PP has experienced the same.

I agree with the PP that women should stop expecting other women to be responsible for things that are not their responsibility. You may appreciate someone putting forth effort but when you start expecting it, you're part of the problem.

The point many are making here is that the relationship in question is between aunt and niece/nephew, which yes, falls under her responsibility as the adult. It is an independent relationship from that of uncle to niece/nephew. Whether she wants to develop that relationship is up to her; this certainly seems an easy way to do it.

Right!

That's the troubling part of this whole thread. If she wants to let DH sour a relationship with the niece, then so be it.

But OP acts like she's not also family. She absolutely does have responsibility in this situation to foster a good relationship. Its really a shame that the poor girl is caught up in OP's mission to "drop the rope".

As if the niece has any idea of whats going on. She just sees that she's not going to get mail from her aunt or uncle.

You actually aren't agreeing with the PP. OP is not responsible for her DH's relationship with his niece. She is only responsible for her relationship with the niece.

This is only a big deal if the adults make it a big deal. The niece wouldn't expect letters from her aunt/uncle unless someone encouraged that expectation.

It’s standard camp culture for kids to get letters/postcards/email from extended family. The niece will see her bunk mates getting letters - that’s where the expectation will come in. Not from adults.

Is that what you did at camp - compare with other campers who sent you letters and who didn't? I didn't nor did I ever see anyone else doing it.

Yes - mail for my kids comes in the morning and the kids get excited and share the pens/pencils or madlibs or bracelet packs that some families send in care packages, or discuss who wrote them, or what the latest news is from home with each other. All totally normal. One camp did email only but it was printed out the night before and shared before morning chores.

Sounds like your kids need to learn that comparison is the thief of joy.

Not at all, they have loving family members on both sides that send postcards, and my kids share the gifts that arrive to them with the other kids at camp. Win win. I can’t imagine not taking the time to do the same for my nieces/nephews just because they are on my husband’s side of the family!

Limited life experience is known to also limit the imagination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

But I wonder if OP could share the language of the email from SIL.

"Here's Larla's address at camp this summer in case anyone is interested"

is way different than:

"Please send Larla mail once a week so she doesn't get homesick"

OP here. It was:

“Lucy and Lilly will be at camp X date to Y date. Please be sure to make camp extra special for them by writing them at this ADDRESS.”

It was not phrased as a request or “if you want to.”

I can see I’m in the minority but I’m okay with that. My relationship with them is fine, I don’t need to be their BFF. We all live locally and see each other plenty.

That phrasing was not a command, and it’s somewhat petty of you not to mail a postcard.

I completely agree. If you're offended by that, OP, then you must be a very unhappy person.

Never said I was offended. Just a busy tired mom like everyone else and was irritated that I know SIL presumes I will do this for her brother. She KNOWS he isn’t going to. Why do women create more work for other women? That’s all. On principle I’m not going to. I think my nieces will be just fine with it.

Projecting a lot. Kids just want mail at camp. It’s not rocket science.

No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do, but don’t tell yourself you are taking some sort of principled stand here.

DP Why are you presuming the PP doesn't know her SIL? I know how my SIL thinks because she's made it clear when something doesn't happen, she blames me rather than her brother for not making it happen. I have no doubt the PP has experienced the same.

I agree with the PP that women should stop expecting other women to be responsible for things that are not their responsibility. You may appreciate someone putting forth effort but when you start expecting it, you're part of the problem.

The point many are making here is that the relationship in question is between aunt and niece/nephew, which yes, falls under her responsibility as the adult. It is an independent relationship from that of uncle to niece/nephew. Whether she wants to develop that relationship is up to her; this certainly seems an easy way to do it.

Right!

That's the troubling part of this whole thread. If she wants to let DH sour a relationship with the niece, then so be it.

But OP acts like she's not also family. She absolutely does have responsibility in this situation to foster a good relationship. Its really a shame that the poor girl is caught up in OP's mission to "drop the rope".

As if the niece has any idea of whats going on. She just sees that she's not going to get mail from her aunt or uncle.

You actually aren't agreeing with the PP. OP is not responsible for her DH's relationship with his niece. She is only responsible for her relationship with the niece.

This is only a big deal if the adults make it a big deal. The niece wouldn't expect letters from her aunt/uncle unless someone encouraged that expectation.

It’s standard camp culture for kids to get letters/postcards/email from extended family. The niece will see her bunk mates getting letters - that’s where the expectation will come in. Not from adults.

Is that what you did at camp - compare with other campers who sent you letters and who didn't? I didn't nor did I ever see anyone else doing it.

Yes - mail for my kids comes in the morning and the kids get excited and share the pens/pencils or madlibs or bracelet packs that some families send in care packages, or discuss who wrote them, or what the latest news is from home with each other. All totally normal. One camp did email only but it was printed out the night before and shared before morning chores.

Sounds like your kids need to learn that comparison is the thief of joy.

Not at all, they have loving family members on both sides that send postcards, and my kids share the gifts that arrive to them with the other kids at camp. Win win. I can’t imagine not taking the time to do the same for my nieces/nephews just because they are on my husband’s side of the family!

Limited life experience is known to also limit the imagination.

Give me a break. You know it’s a phrase. Write the postcard and move on.