SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

But I wonder if OP could share the language of the email from SIL.

"Here's Larla's address at camp this summer in case anyone is interested"

is way different than:

"Please send Larla mail once a week so she doesn't get homesick"

OP here. It was:

“Lucy and Lilly will be at camp X date to Y date. Please be sure to make camp extra special for them by writing them at this ADDRESS.”

It was not phrased as a request or “if you want to.”

I can see I’m in the minority but I’m okay with that. My relationship with them is fine, I don’t need to be their BFF. We all live locally and see each other plenty.

That phrasing was not a command, and it’s somewhat petty of you not to mail a postcard.

I completely agree. If you're offended by that, OP, then you must be a very unhappy person.

Never said I was offended. Just a busy tired mom like everyone else and was irritated that I know SIL presumes I will do this for her brother. She KNOWS he isn’t going to. Why do women create more work for other women? That’s all. On principle I’m not going to. I think my nieces will be just fine with it.

Projecting a lot. Kids just want mail at camp. It’s not rocket science.

No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do, but don’t tell yourself you are taking some sort of principled stand here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

But I wonder if OP could share the language of the email from SIL.

"Here's Larla's address at camp this summer in case anyone is interested"

is way different than:

"Please send Larla mail once a week so she doesn't get homesick"

OP here. It was:

“Lucy and Lilly will be at camp X date to Y date. Please be sure to make camp extra special for them by writing them at this ADDRESS.”

It was not phrased as a request or “if you want to.”

I can see I’m in the minority but I’m okay with that. My relationship with them is fine, I don’t need to be their BFF. We all live locally and see each other plenty.

That phrasing was not a command, and it’s somewhat petty of you not to mail a postcard.

I completely agree. If you're offended by that, OP, then you must be a very unhappy person.

Never said I was offended. Just a busy tired mom like everyone else and was irritated that I know SIL presumes I will do this for her brother. She KNOWS he isn’t going to. Why do women create more work for other women? That’s all. On principle I’m not going to. I think my nieces will be just fine with it.

Yikes. Your SIL isn't making more work for you, she is giving you a way to make a child happy but you're too stuck in your "they're not MY family" to see that. I feel very sad for you and your short-sightedness. You say that you're a tired "MOM." You're a very sorry example of mom-hood imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez I’m so glad we don’t have any nieces or nephews lol

I know 2 minutes of effort is SUCH A BOTHER.

It’s not though. First, you gave up go buy some stationary or postcards. Stamps. Track down the address for camp. Think if something to say that doesn’t sound completely inane.

I’d have a different opinion if OP’s SIL was asking for email.

SHE ALREADY GAVE THEM THE ADDRESS FOR CAMP. You don’t already own a single stamp? If you’re that lazy, don’t “go buy some stationary or postcards.” Use a blank card you already have (you do already have those, right? Because you’re a adult with manners) or, failing that, use a damn piece of printer paper.

Excuses, excuses.

I don’t own a stamp. Who are you people you don’t handle everything electronically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez I’m so glad we don’t have any nieces or nephews lol

I know 2 minutes of effort is SUCH A BOTHER.

It’s not though. First, you gave up go buy some stationary or postcards. Stamps. Track down the address for camp. Think if something to say that doesn’t sound completely inane.

I’d have a different opinion if OP’s SIL was asking for email.

A letter you write in 2 minutes is pathetic. look at all these ladies acting like they are saints, holding the relationship together with their letter that took seconds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't wait until it's Mother's Day and we have to hear all the posts about the difficulty of ordering flowers (less than 5 minutes) for your husband's mother, the woman your children call grandma.

And yet it is every bit as difficult (hint: not at all) for her son to take five minutes to order flowers for his mother, since this activity is in no way inhibited by having a penis.

Good yes. Same goes for niece. Uncle DH can handle that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sheesh, you could have scrawled a few lines and handed it to your husband to do the same and post in the amount of time it took you to write this.

Time equivalents aren't the issue.

NP. Why, then?

Exactly, this doesn’t make sense.

Really? You determine what you do by how much time it will take you to do it? I wouldn't do this because it strengthens the perception that I, a woman, am responsible for managing my DH's relationships with his family. It would send the message that I accept that this is a woman's responsibility - that I could be guilted into doing something. If I do this once, I'll be expected to do it again the next time this kid or other nieces/nephews go to camp. If it was something that I wanted to do, that would be different. OP doesn't want to do it and she shouldn't be judged for not doing it.

What? Quickly dashing off a line then handing it over to DH to complete and mail is assuming all the emotional labor for his family? lmao.

Letters to camp are mostly electronic now. I doubt there is a physical card to mail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

But I wonder if OP could share the language of the email from SIL.

"Here's Larla's address at camp this summer in case anyone is interested"

is way different than:

"Please send Larla mail once a week so she doesn't get homesick"

OP here. It was:

“Lucy and Lilly will be at camp X date to Y date. Please be sure to make camp extra special for them by writing them at this ADDRESS.”

It was not phrased as a request or “if you want to.”

I can see I’m in the minority but I’m okay with that. My relationship with them is fine, I don’t need to be their BFF. We all live locally and see each other plenty.

That phrasing was not a command, and it’s somewhat petty of you not to mail a postcard.

DH was on the same email. I guess he's petty too.

You're both awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez I’m so glad we don’t have any nieces or nephews lol

I know 2 minutes of effort is SUCH A BOTHER.

It’s not though. First, you gave up go buy some stationary or postcards. Stamps. Track down the address for camp. Think if something to say that doesn’t sound completely inane.

I’d have a different opinion if OP’s SIL was asking for email.

SHE ALREADY GAVE THEM THE ADDRESS FOR CAMP. You don’t already own a single stamp? If you’re that lazy, don’t “go buy some stationary or postcards.” Use a blank card you already have (you do already have those, right? Because you’re a adult with manners) or, failing that, use a damn piece of printer paper.

Excuses, excuses.

I don’t own a stamp. Who are you people you don’t handle everything electronically.

Good news! They sell them at the grocery store. You can get them when you buy the food you’re already buying, or add them to your grocery order if you’re one of those people too lazy to even do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

But I wonder if OP could share the language of the email from SIL.

"Here's Larla's address at camp this summer in case anyone is interested"

is way different than:

"Please send Larla mail once a week so she doesn't get homesick"

OP here. It was:

“Lucy and Lilly will be at camp X date to Y date. Please be sure to make camp extra special for them by writing them at this ADDRESS.”

It was not phrased as a request or “if you want to.”

I can see I’m in the minority but I’m okay with that. My relationship with them is fine, I don’t need to be their BFF. We all live locally and see each other plenty.

That phrasing was not a command, and it’s somewhat petty of you not to mail a postcard.

I completely agree. If you're offended by that, OP, then you must be a very unhappy person.

Never said I was offended. Just a busy tired mom like everyone else and was irritated that I know SIL presumes I will do this for her brother. She KNOWS he isn’t going to. Why do women create more work for other women? That’s all. On principle I’m not going to. I think my nieces will be just fine with it.

Projecting a lot. Kids just want mail at camp. It’s not rocket science.

No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do, but don’t tell yourself you are taking some sort of principled stand here.

DP Why are you presuming the PP doesn't know her SIL? I know how my SIL thinks because she's made it clear when something doesn't happen, she blames me rather than her brother for not making it happen. I have no doubt the PP has experienced the same.

I agree with the PP that women should stop expecting other women to be responsible for things that are not their responsibility. You may appreciate someone putting forth effort but when you start expecting it, you're part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

NP

It's not OP's niece. It's her husband's niece. Not her responsibility.

I find this attitude sad really. When you marry you don't just marry the one person but, you are supposed to join two families. What if you celebrated Christmas together and this same niece didn't get you a present because op isn't blood family. I bet everyone here would be up in arms!

If you only care about your 'blood' relatives feel free to ignore but, when a simple act would bring joy and love I don't know why you wouldn't.

My marriage vows indicated my DH and I would be the ones joining, not our families. If it were the joining of our two families, I wouldn't have gotten married.

Your marriage is doomed.

LOL! Sure it is! I've been married over 25 years - much longer than you, I'm sure. If you had more life experience, you'd understand that not everyone does things the way you do and that they are not wrong. Your expectations are yours to manage.

20 years, but you're right: you've be married longer. And I imagine 25 years of a hostile relationship with DH's family has felt like an eternity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't wait until it's Mother's Day and we have to hear all the posts about the difficulty of ordering flowers (less than 5 minutes) for your husband's mother, the woman your children call grandma.

And yet it is every bit as difficult (hint: not at all) for her son to take five minutes to order flowers for his mother, since this activity is in no way inhibited by having a penis.

Good yes. Same goes for niece. Uncle DH can handle that too.

You're missing the point.

Yes, DH can handle his postcard to the niece.

But OP should handle HER postcard to the niece. If she really wants to make a point, she can send a card with JUST her name on it. And make it clear that DH had nothing to do with.

But she's acting like she has to do all the work to maintain a relationship between DH and the niece. Of course she doesn't. But she DOES have to do work to maintain a relationship between OP and her niece.

You guys put so much emphasis on the relationships that are via blood and which ones are via marriage. But that's ridiculous. OP is the girl's aunt, and that comes with some responsibility. She is family, whether or not there is a blood relationship or not. And don't let DH's cavalier attitude towards family relationships impact your relationships with family.

So by all means, let DH look like a putz when he doesn't send anything. But don't cut of your nose to spite your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't wait until it's Mother's Day and we have to hear all the posts about the difficulty of ordering flowers (less than 5 minutes) for your husband's mother, the woman your children call grandma.

And yet it is every bit as difficult (hint: not at all) for her son to take five minutes to order flowers for his mother, since this activity is in no way inhibited by having a penis.

Good yes. Same goes for niece. Uncle DH can handle that too.

You're missing the point.

Yes, DH can handle his postcard to the niece.

But OP should handle HER postcard to the niece. If she really wants to make a point, she can send a card with JUST her name on it. And make it clear that DH had nothing to do with.

But she's acting like she has to do all the work to maintain a relationship between DH and the niece. Of course she doesn't. But she DOES have to do work to maintain a relationship between OP and her niece.

You guys put so much emphasis on the relationships that are via blood and which ones are via marriage. But that's ridiculous. OP is the girl's aunt, and that comes with some responsibility. She is family, whether or not there is a blood relationship or not. And don't let DH's cavalier attitude towards family relationships impact your relationships with family.

So by all means, let DH look like a putz when he doesn't send anything. But don't cut of your nose to spite your face.

Perfectly said, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't wait until it's Mother's Day and we have to hear all the posts about the difficulty of ordering flowers (less than 5 minutes) for your husband's mother, the woman your children call grandma.

And yet it is every bit as difficult (hint: not at all) for her son to take five minutes to order flowers for his mother, since this activity is in no way inhibited by having a penis.

Good yes. Same goes for niece. Uncle DH can handle that too.

You're missing the point.

Yes, DH can handle his postcard to the niece.

But OP should handle HER postcard to the niece. If she really wants to make a point, she can send a card with JUST her name on it. And make it clear that DH had nothing to do with.

But she's acting like she has to do all the work to maintain a relationship between DH and the niece. Of course she doesn't. But she DOES have to do work to maintain a relationship between OP and her niece.

You guys put so much emphasis on the relationships that are via blood and which ones are via marriage. But that's ridiculous. OP is the girl's aunt, and that comes with some responsibility. She is family, whether or not there is a blood relationship or not. And don't let DH's cavalier attitude towards family relationships impact your relationships with family.

So by all means, let DH look like a putz when he doesn't send anything. But don't cut of your nose to spite your face.

Perfectly said, PP!

Agree! 13 pages dedicated to debating whether a woman can write a simple note to her niece. How sad that the OP makes so little effort. And for those debating whether a quick note is that meaningful - have you ever been a kid at camp? Those cards mean everything. Why not make a tiny bit of effort and send a card?

Life is about showing up even when it takes a little effort.

[Anonymous]

Send the card and ask SIL to send one to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

But I wonder if OP could share the language of the email from SIL.

"Here's Larla's address at camp this summer in case anyone is interested"

is way different than:

"Please send Larla mail once a week so she doesn't get homesick"

OP here. It was:

“Lucy and Lilly will be at camp X date to Y date. Please be sure to make camp extra special for them by writing them at this ADDRESS.”

It was not phrased as a request or “if you want to.”

I can see I’m in the minority but I’m okay with that. My relationship with them is fine, I don’t need to be their BFF. We all live locally and see each other plenty.

That phrasing was not a command, and it’s somewhat petty of you not to mail a postcard.

I completely agree. If you're offended by that, OP, then you must be a very unhappy person.

Never said I was offended. Just a busy tired mom like everyone else and was irritated that I know SIL presumes I will do this for her brother. She KNOWS he isn’t going to. Why do women create more work for other women? That’s all. On principle I’m not going to. I think my nieces will be just fine with it.

Projecting a lot. Kids just want mail at camp. It’s not rocket science.

No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do, but don’t tell yourself you are taking some sort of principled stand here.

DP Why are you presuming the PP doesn't know her SIL? I know how my SIL thinks because she's made it clear when something doesn't happen, she blames me rather than her brother for not making it happen. I have no doubt the PP has experienced the same.

I agree with the PP that women should stop expecting other women to be responsible for things that are not their responsibility. You may appreciate someone putting forth effort but when you start expecting it, you're part of the problem.

Frankly, because of the way she reacted to an innocuous note from the SIL requesting letters.