SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp

[Anonymous]

The issue here is with your husband, not SIL or nieces.

[Anonymous]

Is this really a thing? My husband and I both come from large families and none of their aunts or uncles has ever written to them at camp. My aunts and uncles never wrote me at camp. I don't think this is an expectation in most families.

[Anonymous]

You’ve already invested 100x the mental energy in this than your husband will.

My in-laws send these kinds of messages by group text rather than email. I respond to the group text “DH, make sure you do this!” And then I drop the rope, having publicly announced that it’s his task to do or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure. My SIL dropped the rope and now my kids never get presents or cards for birthdays and Christmas from my brother and his family. You too can drop the rope, just so long as you're fine not having relationships with your nieces and nephews.

Your brother is pretty awful. Nature, nurture or both? Good for his wife for not trying to “fix” his relationships with his family: that’s his choice.

FWIW, it means she is also choosing not to have a good relationship with the kids who call her "aunt." They're not as hung up on the fact that she is their aunt "by marriage." In their minds, she's just their aunt, and in that family, neither the uncle nor the aunt seem to care to get to know the kids.

Not everyone is as invested as you are in having strong relationships with anyone other outside their nuclear families. There's nothing wrong with that and if you don't make a big deal of it neither will your kids.

FWIW - in my family, we're not big on sending presents or cards. Yet, my kids (older teens) love my brother and sister who live in 2 different states. They text frequently and that's fine. They've probably seen them in person about a handful of times in their entire lives. That's just the way it is and no one is lamenting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure. My SIL dropped the rope and now my kids never get presents or cards for birthdays and Christmas from my brother and his family. You too can drop the rope, just so long as you're fine not having relationships with your nieces and nephews.

Your brother is pretty awful. Nature, nurture or both? Good for his wife for not trying to “fix” his relationships with his family: that’s his choice.

FWIW, it means she is also choosing not to have a good relationship with the kids who call her "aunt." They're not as hung up on the fact that she is their aunt "by marriage." In their minds, she's just their aunt, and in that family, neither the uncle nor the aunt seem to care to get to know the kids.

+1. I would write something nice to your nieces, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this really a thing? My husband and I both come from large families and none of their aunts or uncles has ever written to them at camp. My aunts and uncles never wrote me at camp. I don't think this is an expectation in most families.

Let me break this down for you. Just because it didn't or doesn't happen in YOUR families doesn't mean it isn't an "expectation in most families." And even if it ISN'T an "expectation in most families," that doesn't matter either. What matters is that in THIS family a family member has asked for this.

Are you saying that if someone in your or your husband's families asked you to write a letter to a 7 year old niece at camp, you'd refuse to do it on principle because it isn't "an expectation in most families?"

[Anonymous]

The time it took to write this post, you could’ve written a few lines and stuffed into an envelope to your niece.

If you could post the info here… I’m sure lots of us DCUM moms would - and we don’t even know her. (Yeah that’s prob creepy lol )

You’d be doing this for the kid not for your SIL, DH, etc. why penalize a kid for any beef you have with another adult.

My kid went to camp and my SIL asked for her mailing info. I actually felt bad because her kids had gone summers before and I wasn’t considerate enough to even think that I should ask.

[Anonymous]

Dollar Tree. Cards are 2 for a buck. Pick one with a cute puppy on it and sign your names. Easy and will make a kid smile.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to write.

Were you also emailed or was it just your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this really a thing? My husband and I both come from large families and none of their aunts or uncles has ever written to them at camp. My aunts and uncles never wrote me at camp. I don't think this is an expectation in most families.

Let me break this down for you. Just because it didn't or doesn't happen in YOUR families doesn't mean it isn't an "expectation in most families." And even if it ISN'T an "expectation in most families," that doesn't matter either. What matters is that in THIS family a family member has asked for this.

Are you saying that if someone in your or your husband's families asked you to write a letter to a 7 year old niece at camp, you'd refuse to do it on principle because it isn't "an expectation in most families?"

Yes, I am saying I would not do it. I don't have the bandwidth for this and don't expect other people in my family to do it.

[Anonymous]

Well, I forgot to write my OWN kids notes -- nor did I think to ask anyone to write to them.

But if you wanted to do it, I think a lot of kids like getting something like a cartoon or joke in the mail. So you could just print out a Far Side or Calvin and Hobbes, write "Hope this gives you a smile! Love Aunt Larla" and stick it in the mail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this really a thing? My husband and I both come from large families and none of their aunts or uncles has ever written to them at camp. My aunts and uncles never wrote me at camp. I don't think this is an expectation in most families.

We have the only grandkids/nieces/nephews in the family. The family all wrote to our kids at camp and made them feel very special- and it took them 5 minutes and a stamp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this really a thing? My husband and I both come from large families and none of their aunts or uncles has ever written to them at camp. My aunts and uncles never wrote me at camp. I don't think this is an expectation in most families.

Let me break this down for you. Just because it didn't or doesn't happen in YOUR families doesn't mean it isn't an "expectation in most families." And even if it ISN'T an "expectation in most families," that doesn't matter either. What matters is that in THIS family a family member has asked for this.

Are you saying that if someone in your or your husband's families asked you to write a letter to a 7 year old niece at camp, you'd refuse to do it on principle because it isn't "an expectation in most families?"

Yes, I am saying I would not do it. I don't have the bandwidth for this and don't expect other people in my family to do it.

You need to take a look at your time mgt skills and evaluate your priorities. You probably spend an hour on DCUM a day but can’t be bothered to write a short post card to a niece. Hmmm.

[Anonymous]

Your kids will be the ones writing a post similar to the recent one about their mom being the aunt upset about not being invited to the niece’s wedding.

In all seriousness, in less time and energy than you have spent on here you could have sent something. I even had my toddler’s scribble drawings when they were young. It takes 5 mins and could brighten the day of a homesick relative or give her an ice breaker with her cabin mates or something to hang up 8n her cabin. You don’t actually even need a specific reason but it’s nice to be nice and clearly you haven’t realized that. It’s also weird you’re so hung up on the divide bt family sides. You are family now. I can also bet your husbands family can see right through you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this really a thing? My husband and I both come from large families and none of their aunts or uncles has ever written to them at camp. My aunts and uncles never wrote me at camp. I don't think this is an expectation in most families.

Let me break this down for you. Just because it didn't or doesn't happen in YOUR families doesn't mean it isn't an "expectation in most families." And even if it ISN'T an "expectation in most families," that doesn't matter either. What matters is that in THIS family a family member has asked for this.

Are you saying that if someone in your or your husband's families asked you to write a letter to a 7 year old niece at camp, you'd refuse to do it on principle because it isn't "an expectation in most families?"

Yes, I am saying I would not do it. I don't have the bandwidth for this and don't expect other people in my family to do it.

Yet you have the bandwidth to banter pointlessly with anonymous strangers over the internet. Got it.