MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Team OP. But now that the husband has handled it, let it go. And don't let it happen again - no more visits with the little one for some time and when you do, stay in a hotel. Easy. MIL will be upset with this, and it will take some getting used to, but she will get over it.

MIL sounds like a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand what a crisis it is to OP that MIL was in the hall, and inquiring if they needed help. Maybe she is trying to keep FIL from being woken up as well? Maybe she was also waiting to use the restroom? Maybe as she was up, she was going to get a tea or something? Maybe she couldn’t go back to sleep and was walking around her home? Why does it have to be awful and meddling, can’t it just be that she is up as well? It doesn’t sound like she complained, she just checked in. This was prowling and being annoying, apparently. MILs can’t do anything right.. next post will be “MIL never helps!”

[Anonymous]

Meh, it does sound mildly irritating, but I would not have made a major issue of it, especially when I was a guest in someone else's home. This is the type of thing you snark to your friends about later rather than having a reaction to at the time.

[Anonymous]

So glad I have daughters. I feel really badly for the mothers of sons - it seems like everyone thinks it’s okay for your DIL to dislike you for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what a crisis it is to OP that MIL was in the hall, and inquiring if they needed help. Maybe she is trying to keep FIL from being woken up as well? Maybe she was also waiting to use the restroom? Maybe as she was up, she was going to get a tea or something? Maybe she couldn’t go back to sleep and was walking around her home? Why does it have to be awful and meddling, can’t it just be that she is up as well? It doesn’t sound like she complained, she just checked in. This was prowling and being annoying, apparently. MILs can’t do anything right.. next post will be “MIL never helps!”

If MIL were making tea, she'd go to the kitchen without stopping to loudly ask what was wrong. She knew what was "wrong," baby was crying and needed a night feed. She wasn't "helping," as she had been told multiple times--even before the visit, in fact--that the parents did not want her involvement for the night feeds.

"Trying to keep FIL from being woken up"...how? By loudly asking in a non-whisper "what was wrong" when she already knew the answer? When offering to "help," again, when she had already been told several nights in a row no?

If MIL cared so much about FIL not being woken up, she should have said yes to OP/DH's offer to stay in a hotel.

"Checking in" *one time* is fine. But when you're on the fourth or fifth night of being told they don't want your involvement, and being asked *again* to whisper instead of talking at full volume...that's obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So glad I have daughters. I feel really badly for the mothers of sons - it seems like everyone thinks it’s okay for your DIL to dislike you for no reason.

That's what my MIL said...until one of her daughters married another woman. Check your heteronormativity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what a crisis it is to OP that MIL was in the hall, and inquiring if they needed help. Maybe she is trying to keep FIL from being woken up as well? Maybe she was also waiting to use the restroom? Maybe as she was up, she was going to get a tea or something? Maybe she couldn’t go back to sleep and was walking around her home? Why does it have to be awful and meddling, can’t it just be that she is up as well? It doesn’t sound like she complained, she just checked in. This was prowling and being annoying, apparently. MILs can’t do anything right.. next post will be “MIL never helps!”

If MIL were making tea, she'd go to the kitchen without stopping to loudly ask what was wrong. She knew what was "wrong," baby was crying and needed a night feed. She wasn't "helping," as she had been told multiple times--even before the visit, in fact--that the parents did not want her involvement for the night feeds.

"Trying to keep FIL from being woken up"...how? By loudly asking in a non-whisper "what was wrong" when she already knew the answer? When offering to "help," again, when she had already been told several nights in a row no?

If MIL cared so much about FIL not being woken up, she should have said yes to OP/DH's offer to stay in a hotel.

"Checking in" *one time* is fine. But when you're on the fourth or fifth night of being told they don't want your involvement, and being asked *again* to whisper instead of talking at full volume...that's obnoxious.

She's old! She might not realize how loud she is! Maybe she has cognitive decline or hearing loss. Just because you think she's perfectly healthy doesn't mean she is. Jesus, some people just WANT to be offended and angry. This is your husband's mom, your baby's grandmother, and you are acting like she is some carnival performer who is busking in the hallway and harassing you for tips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So glad I have daughters. I feel really badly for the mothers of sons - it seems like everyone thinks it’s okay for your DIL to dislike you for no reason.

Yep. Though I have one son and two daughters. Definitely not ready for a daughter in law like this. Op, you also probably have some mild PPD or PPA. This really isn’t a big deal. You are over sensitive.

[Anonymous]

She is now pissed at me, and I'm just as pissed at her. DH is sticking up for me, saying "Mom, we kept telling you it was fine, we asked that you close your door and even offered you a white noise machine." He then added (without asking me) that we won't be visiting again until baby is solidly STTN, that they can visit us if they want because they'll be in our finished basement guest suite and won't hear us upstairs if there is noise in the night.

Yes, when an elderly relative that lives 5 hours away is mildly annoying, the best solution is to ratchet up the drama by issuing ultimatums.

[Anonymous]

Can we come back to the “brushed past her”— did you just body check you MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we come back to the “brushed past her”— did you just body check you MIL?

Read the thread or don't comment 15 pages in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it blow over. She probably wanted to help. You were annoyed and sleep deprived, and everyone struggled with the change of routine related to overnight travel/hosting.

+1


I think she's upset you didn't let her help.

[Anonymous]

Her house, she can be concerned. Weird to offer her a white noise machine and its not going to drown out the crying. Let her nurture baby.

[Anonymous]

Hotel

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read all through thread but my assumption would be MIL was trying to make sure you had everything, maybe wanted to see if she could help, etc.
When DH and I stayed with ILs they would often take the baby at night so I can get some more sleep. It was awesome.