DD’s friend inappropriate TikTok dances…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets about deleting tiktok from my 14 year olds phone.

I wouldn't bother saying anything, the behavior will just continue to manifest in other ways. And maybe the mom thinks it's fine.

I would be a firm no on tiktok altogether. There is a lot worse than just this. It is not an innocent app. It may start that way, but it isn't.

Psst... your 14 year old is still on tiktok.

+ 1. They all figure out how or just look at on their friends’ devices. Or create accounts on their friends’ devices. Having a mirror account on your phone and monitor and talk about with your kid is more realistic. Even at age 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and your daughter shouldn’t have it regardless of who else does.

This is the correct answer.

Correct. Get your 11 yo off Tik Tok and off social media.

People who think their 11 year olds don’t have accounts is fooling themselves. They all have them.

You’re deluding yourself. Not all parents allow their children to access inappropriate content and violate terms of service agreements.

Not PP but you're deluding yourself. The kids do not have permission from their parents. They know how to set these things up and use fake name's

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We monitor our 11 year old’s DD’s TikTok account - yes, I’m that momd but started after she was watching insane diet tips… and for others who may point out, yes the recommended age is 13 for TikTok - but nearly all the kids have it.

Anyway, many of the dances the kids do and the music is mildly inappropriate - but 11 year olds wiggling their butts and knowing some curse words. It’s disturbing to watch at some level but mostly whatever and kids just dancing around. And the kids accounts are nearly all private so visible only among their friend groups.

But one of the latest trends seems to be lowering yourself down to a deep squat and the opening and closing your legs … And one of the girls has posted this. And it is just so inappropriate and soft porn looking. Do I tell the mom?

Yes you are that mom. The one who thinks parenting is keeping up with what you think every other kid or family has or does, instead of just parenting your own kid correctly. And now you want to tell another parent that the dance their DD is doing is inappropriate. If you have a problem, talk to your child or better yet, get her off the social media that isn’t appropriate for her and for which you already indicate you’re having problems(ala dieting tips and inappropriate dancing).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and your daughter shouldn’t have it regardless of who else does.

This is the correct answer.

Correct. Get your 11 yo off Tik Tok and off social media.

People who think their 11 year olds don’t have accounts is fooling themselves. They all have them.

LOL. You are so naive and stupid. You’ve bought in whole hog to this notion that parents can’t parent, can’t impose limits, etc because of society. You’re a joke. Obviously lazy and you very likely care about being “cool” for tweens and teenagers. You’re powerless against the whims of an 11 year old? Grow up.

We eat dinner as a family almost every night. Our kids are not allowed to use a screen in a non-public place. In their rooms, doors must be open. Both parents are in IT related fields, I’m not getting scammed by a kid. We have complete oversight of their apps, time spent on them, and their activity. Don’t excuse yourself like this is some monumental task, just admit the kind of parent you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We monitor our 11 year old’s DD’s TikTok account - yes, I’m that momd but started after she was watching insane diet tips… and for others who may point out, yes the recommended age is 13 for TikTok - but nearly all the kids have it.

Anyway, many of the dances the kids do and the music is mildly inappropriate - but 11 year olds wiggling their butts and knowing some curse words. It’s disturbing to watch at some level but mostly whatever and kids just dancing around. And the kids accounts are nearly all private so visible only among their friend groups.

But one of the latest trends seems to be lowering yourself down to a deep squat and the opening and closing your legs … And one of the girls has posted this. And it is just so inappropriate and soft porn looking. Do I tell the mom?

Yes you are that mom. The one who thinks parenting is keeping up with what you think every other kid or family has or does, instead of just parenting your own kid correctly. And now you want to tell another parent that the dance their DD is doing is inappropriate. If you have a problem, talk to your child or better yet, get her off the social media that isn’t appropriate for her and for which you already indicate you’re having problems(ala dieting tips and inappropriate dancing).

Why so judgey? Not OP but it was a valid question. None of us had social media when we were young and don’t really know what we are doing. I sure don’t and am figuring stuff out on the fly. There are no rule books for how to navigate this stuff “correctly”. Since the pandemic, social media has exploded and a lot of old limits went out the window as their entire social lives were experienced online.

Why shut down other moms who are trying to talk honestly about how to deal with the weird and uncomfortable issues that come up in social media?

As some have already pointed out, the kids know how to create new accounts even when you shut down their old ones. I did that when my kid was 10 and 11 and found out later she had created several new ones. It has taken several years, experimenting with different forms of discipline, and many many conversations (often more like shouting matches) to get her to understand how scared we were for her online safety. I see all her Tik Toks now before she posts them. I am actually often alarmed for her peers’ online safety (some of what they get up to is horrifying) but I don’t know the parents well enough to discuss with them..

I actually think this is a great ethical discussion .. how much do we owe to our kids’ friends’ parents? What are the risks of letting them know that their little angels are not behaving well online? What are the risks of not telling them?

Thanks for asking this tricky Q, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and your daughter shouldn’t have it regardless of who else does.

This is the correct answer.

Correct. Get your 11 yo off Tik Tok and off social media.

People who think their 11 year olds don’t have accounts is fooling themselves. They all have them.

LOL. You are so naive and stupid. You’ve bought in whole hog to this notion that parents can’t parent, can’t impose limits, etc because of society. You’re a joke. Obviously lazy and you very likely care about being “cool” for tweens and teenagers. You’re powerless against the whims of an 11 year old? Grow up.

We eat dinner as a family almost every night. Our kids are not allowed to use a screen in a non-public place. In their rooms, doors must be open. Both parents are in IT related fields, I’m not getting scammed by a kid. We have complete oversight of their apps, time spent on them, and their activity. Don’t excuse yourself like this is some monumental task, just admit the kind of parent you are.

We eat dinner as a family every night as a family as well (same time every night at a formal dining table) . That is a great gift to give your children. We also set all kinds of limits. But this confers no moral superiority, and is no excuse to be so rude to other parents who are trying to talk honestly about common modern dilemmas …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and your daughter shouldn’t have it regardless of who else does.

This is the correct answer.

Seriously. You’re not winning any parenting awards, either, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and your daughter shouldn’t have it regardless of who else does.

This is the correct answer.

Correct. Get your 11 yo off Tik Tok and off social media.

People who think their 11 year olds don’t have accounts is fooling themselves. They all have them.

LOL. You are so naive and stupid. You’ve bought in whole hog to this notion that parents can’t parent, can’t impose limits, etc because of society. You’re a joke. Obviously lazy and you very likely care about being “cool” for tweens and teenagers. You’re powerless against the whims of an 11 year old? Grow up.

We eat dinner as a family almost every night. Our kids are not allowed to use a screen in a non-public place. In their rooms, doors must be open. Both parents are in IT related fields, I’m not getting scammed by a kid. We have complete oversight of their apps, time spent on them, and their activity. Don’t excuse yourself like this is some monumental task, just admit the kind of parent you are.

+1 THIS

[Anonymous]

Middle school teacher here. Get your kids off TikTok and all social media. They don’t need it and it only contributes to middle school drama. The best students academically and with the healthiest sense of self are the ones who aren’t on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We monitor our 11 year old’s DD’s TikTok account - yes, I’m that momd but started after she was watching insane diet tips… and for others who may point out, yes the recommended age is 13 for TikTok - but nearly all the kids have it.

Anyway, many of the dances the kids do and the music is mildly inappropriate - but 11 year olds wiggling their butts and knowing some curse words. It’s disturbing to watch at some level but mostly whatever and kids just dancing around. And the kids accounts are nearly all private so visible only among their friend groups.

But one of the latest trends seems to be lowering yourself down to a deep squat and the opening and closing your legs … And one of the girls has posted this. And it is just so inappropriate and soft porn looking. Do I tell the mom?

Yes you are that mom. The one who thinks parenting is keeping up with what you think every other kid or family has or does, instead of just parenting your own kid correctly. And now you want to tell another parent that the dance their DD is doing is inappropriate. If you have a problem, talk to your child or better yet, get her off the social media that isn’t appropriate for her and for which you already indicate you’re having problems(ala dieting tips and inappropriate dancing).

Why so judgey? Not OP but it was a valid question. None of us had social media when we were young and don’t really know what we are doing. I sure don’t and am figuring stuff out on the fly. There are no rule books for how to navigate this stuff “correctly”. Since the pandemic, social media has exploded and a lot of old limits went out the window as their entire social lives were experienced online.

Why shut down other moms who are trying to talk honestly about how to deal with the weird and uncomfortable issues that come up in social media?

As some have already pointed out, the kids know how to create new accounts even when you shut down their old ones. I did that when my kid was 10 and 11 and found out later she had created several new ones. It has taken several years, experimenting with different forms of discipline, and many many conversations (often more like shouting matches) to get her to understand how scared we were for her online safety. I see all her Tik Toks now before she posts them. I am actually often alarmed for her peers’ online safety (some of what they get up to is horrifying) but I don’t know the parents well enough to discuss with them..

I actually think this is a great ethical discussion .. how much do we owe to our kids’ friends’ parents? What are the risks of letting them know that their little angels are not behaving well online? What are the risks of not telling them?

Thanks for asking this tricky Q, OP!

Nah, THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school teacher here. Get your kids off TikTok and all social media. They don’t need it and it only contributes to middle school drama. The best students academically and with the healthiest sense of self are the ones who aren’t on social media.

We kept our kid off it until their private school insisted they needed an iPad for IXL. I really wish the schools did not emphasize IT at young ages. Then the pandemic happened and most students were online for school all day.

The ship has sailed and social media is a part of growing up now. I don’t like it but it is Reality now. Many of us are trying to be realistic, keep communication channels open and help our kids to behave safely and well online - rather than act like self appointed arbiters of correct child rearing.

The kids with healthiest self esteem are the ones who have strong loving relationships with their parents.

[Anonymous]

Why does your 11 year old have a smart phone? No phone. No app. No problem.

[Anonymous]

I think it'd be okay to say some general comments like "anyone else disturbed about what the kids are doing on tiktok?" Rather than "your daughter is a skank."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and your daughter shouldn’t have it regardless of who else does.

This is the correct answer.

Correct. Get your 11 yo off Tik Tok and off social media.

People who think their 11 year olds don’t have accounts is fooling themselves. They all have them.

Not if they can’t download apps on their devices without permission.

We did this too. And I’m asking honestly, is this enough or can they create an account from a computer?

I feel that kids know all the workarounds to get on social media if they really want to. Just set your rules and penalty for violating the rules upfront; keep emphasizing online safety and the repercussions for posting inappropriate content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does your 11 year old have a smart phone? No phone. No app. No problem.

You might not give your child a smartphone but someone in their friend group might have one.