DD’s friend inappropriate TikTok dances…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets about deleting tiktok from my 14 year olds phone.

I wouldn't bother saying anything, the behavior will just continue to manifest in other ways. And maybe the mom thinks it's fine.

I would be a firm no on tiktok altogether. There is a lot worse than just this. It is not an innocent app. It may start that way, but it isn't.

Psst... your 14 year old is still on tiktok.

Her account is deleted, the app is fully blocked on her phone, and her phone is set that she can't erase her internet history. Not sure how you enforce boundaries, are you unaware of the type of software available or the whereabouts and behaviors of your teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does your 11 year old have a smart phone? No phone. No app. No problem.

We did not let ours have one until 13 although most kids don’t n her grade had one earlier. They find ways to start social
Media accounts on their school Computers that even get around the school Monitoring software and on iPads which the School earlier requested we get for daily IXL … I still regret following school advice about that.

I don’t think not allowing a phone is a long term solution to helping teens to navigate social Media wisely …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We monitor our 11 year old’s DD’s TikTok account - yes, I’m that mom but started after she was watching insane diet tips… and for others who may point out, yes the recommended age is 13 for TikTok - but nearly all the kids have it.

Anyway, many of the dances the kids do and the music is mildly inappropriate - but 11 year olds wiggling their butts and knowing some curse words. It’s disturbing to watch at some level but mostly whatever and kids just dancing around. And the kids accounts are nearly all private so visible only among their friend groups.

But one of the latest trends seems to be lowering yourself down to a deep squat and the opening and closing your legs … And one of the girls has posted this. And it is just so inappropriate and soft porn looking. Do I tell the mom?

Yes you’re that mom who allowed her 11 yo old to have Tik Tok and then pats herself on the back for checking the account. And then clutches her pearls about ANOTHER child’s video?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and your daughter shouldn’t have it regardless of who else does.

This is the correct answer.

Correct. Get your 11 yo off Tik Tok and off social media.

People who think their 11 year olds don’t have accounts is fooling themselves. They all have them.

And even if they don't have it, they are still seeing their friends' accounts at school, birthday parties, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We monitor our 11 year old’s DD’s TikTok account - yes, I’m that mom but started after she was watching insane diet tips… and for others who may point out, yes the recommended age is 13 for TikTok - but nearly all the kids have it.

Anyway, many of the dances the kids do and the music is mildly inappropriate - but 11 year olds wiggling their butts and knowing some curse words. It’s disturbing to watch at some level but mostly whatever and kids just dancing around. And the kids accounts are nearly all private so visible only among their friend groups.

But one of the latest trends seems to be lowering yourself down to a deep squat and the opening and closing your legs … And one of the girls has posted this. And it is just so inappropriate and soft porn looking. Do I tell the mom?

Yes you’re that mom who allowed her 11 yo old to have Tik Tok and then pats herself on the back for checking the account. And then clutches her pearls about ANOTHER child’s video?

+1

-1. Mine didn't have it at 11. She still saw the latest crazes and what other people were posting. They have devices at school (saw them there); went to birthday parties (saw them there); sleepovers (saw them there).

Only a fool thinks you don't see it just b/c you don't allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets about deleting tiktok from my 14 year olds phone.

I wouldn't bother saying anything, the behavior will just continue to manifest in other ways. And maybe the mom thinks it's fine.

I would be a firm no on tiktok altogether. There is a lot worse than just this. It is not an innocent app. It may start that way, but it isn't.

Psst... your 14 year old is still on tiktok.

Her account is deleted, the app is fully blocked on her phone, and her phone is set that she can't erase her internet history. Not sure how you enforce boundaries, are you unaware of the type of software available or the whereabouts and behaviors of your teen?

The best workarounds for this -and all other forbidden things- will always be their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does your 11 year old have a smart phone? No phone. No app. No problem.

We did not let ours have one until 13 although most kids don’t n her grade had one earlier. They find ways to start social
Media accounts on their school Computers that even get around the school Monitoring software and on iPads which the School earlier requested we get for daily IXL … I still regret following school advice about that.

I don’t think not allowing a phone is a long term solution to helping teens to navigate social Media wisely …

Throwing your hands up in the air isn’t the answer. Not having a phone isn’t a long term solution to navigating social media wisely BUT it is the best way to prevent your young kids from seeing hardcore porn and getting involved in proana stuff and other super harmful things. You can both not give your child a handheld computer with total access to the internet AND have lots of talks with them about social media and the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does your 11 year old have a smart phone? No phone. No app. No problem.

We did not let ours have one until 13 although most kids don’t n her grade had one earlier. They find ways to start social
Media accounts on their school Computers that even get around the school Monitoring software and on iPads which the School earlier requested we get for daily IXL … I still regret following school advice about that.

I don’t think not allowing a phone is a long term solution to helping teens to navigate social Media wisely …

Throwing your hands up in the air isn’t the answer. Not having a phone isn’t a long term solution to navigating social media wisely BUT it is the best way to prevent your young kids from seeing hardcore porn and getting involved in proana stuff and other super harmful things. You can both not give your child a handheld computer with total access to the internet AND have lots of talks with them about social media and the internet.

Why do you assume I threw my hands up in the air? I did not. I held off 2-3 years after many of her friends had phones. I have monitoring software a d set many limits and have endless conversations with her about online safety and appropriate posts.

But I agree with others that even if you withhold phones as we did, they find ways around it on their school computers and friends phones.

I don’t think there is one way to handle things that fixes everything but multiple strategies are needed.

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old doesn’t have tik tok. I know she watches it on her friends phones, and even through Pinterest, but it’s not full access.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old doesn’t have tik tok. I know she watches it on her friends phones, and even through Pinterest, but it’s not full access.

If she watches it on her friends phone why do you think she didn’t also create an account using the friend’s phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No and your daughter shouldn’t have it regardless of who else does.

This is the correct answer.

Correct. Get your 11 yo off Tik Tok and off social media.

People who think their 11 year olds don’t have accounts is fooling themselves. They all have them.

You’re deluding yourself. Not all parents allow their children to access inappropriate content and violate terms of service agreements.

DD 12 doesn't have an account (or a phone) and some of her friends do and some of her friends don't. Having gone through this with my teens, I think waiting until 13 is totally fine. It doesn't kill their social life--there are always a few kids around who don't and the ones who do enjoy showing whatever their watching to DD (I'm fine with this kind of peripheral participation below 13--her older siblings show her things too). When she turns 13 we'll have a talk about how she participates, what would "trigger" my monitoring and/or cutting off access.
(I do understand why some parents give kids phones earlier for safety/convenience, but DD's school is 2 blocks away so we don't have the tension around needing a phone for after-school activities etc--if she needs a phone she takes our "home cell phone" -- which is a phone/line that is sort of up for grabs and is just for texting/calling). I have found it useful to have just established guidelines for the age at which different things are allowed--and the older siblings help bc if they had to wait until 13, no way the "baby" is going to get a phone with internet access before 13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I monitor my 11year old’s account. I wouldn’t tell the other mom about what you saw. It’s not your business.

You monitor the account you know about, you mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets about deleting tiktok from my 14 year olds phone.

I wouldn't bother saying anything, the behavior will just continue to manifest in other ways. And maybe the mom thinks it's fine.

I would be a firm no on tiktok altogether. There is a lot worse than just this. It is not an innocent app. It may start that way, but it isn't.

Psst... your 14 year old is still on tiktok.

Her account is deleted, the app is fully blocked on her phone, and her phone is set that she can't erase her internet history. Not sure how you enforce boundaries, are you unaware of the type of software available or the whereabouts and behaviors of your teen?

I say good for you mom! Even if the kid has managed a work-around, you’re doing what you can and at some point that’s all you can do. I don’t understand the throw-their-hands-up “they’re gonna do it anyway, so may as well give then my blessing!” posters, TBH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does your 11 year old have a smart phone? No phone. No app. No problem.

We did not let ours have one until 13 although most kids don’t n her grade had one earlier. They find ways to start social
Media accounts on their school Computers that even get around the school Monitoring software and on iPads which the School earlier requested we get for daily IXL … I still regret following school advice about that.

I don’t think not allowing a phone is a long term solution to helping teens to navigate social Media wisely …

This is just a parenting fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does your 11 year old have a smart phone? No phone. No app. No problem.

We did not let ours have one until 13 although most kids don’t n her grade had one earlier. They find ways to start social
Media accounts on their school Computers that even get around the school Monitoring software and on iPads which the School earlier requested we get for daily IXL … I still regret following school advice about that.

I don’t think not allowing a phone is a long term solution to helping teens to navigate social Media wisely …

This is just a parenting fail.

Hmm let’s see. Some of the most smug parents I know about how wonderful their parenting and kids are have no idea what their kids get up to online. Their kids tend to be the mean judgmental ones who alienate everyone by their self righteous know it all blanket negative judgments about people. This escalates online into nasty spats and name calling.

We held off with a phone as long as we could. We set limits and our daughter shows me everything she posts for prior approval. I also have seen what other girls in her year are posting and sometimes it is fine but often it is not.

My daughter and I trust each other. That is not a parenting fail.