Low energy parents - have a second kid?

[Anonymous]

Our kids have a 3.5 year gap, which works in terms of them still being able to play together. I would say if you’re thinking of a second, don’t wait. My sister was on the fence like you and nearly gave up before having a 2nd at 40. It doesn’t get easier.

[Anonymous]

I’m really surprised anyone is actually saying or suggesting that two kids is somehow easier than one. That... doesn’t track with reality. For all of the time your kids spend playing together nicely, literally everything else about parenting is harder. Having one kid is simply easier than having two. That’s just sort of common knowledge...

Two kids are wonderful, but so is knowing your limits. Have a second if you want one, but be prepared that it will be more than double the work and the second kid is truly when your lives start “revolving” (for lack of a better word) around the kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm definitely waiting until I've been vaccinated to have a second. CoVID has made everything harder.

[Anonymous]

On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

[Anonymous]

I'd stay with one. I definitely know people who are very bitter about having a second (or third because twins or triplets). They've totally checked out and just hire someone, all day every day.

Seriously consider just enjoying your trio and don't make life harder than it needs to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m really surprised anyone is actually saying or suggesting that two kids is somehow easier than one. That... doesn’t track with reality. For all of the time your kids spend playing together nicely, literally everything else about parenting is harder. Having one kid is simply easier than having two. That’s just sort of common knowledge...

Two kids are wonderful, but so is knowing your limits. Have a second if you want one, but be prepared that it will be more than double the work and the second kid is truly when your lives start “revolving” (for lack of a better word) around the kids.

I think this is how people tend to justify their choices, or in most cases, circumstances. Of course having two kids is harder than one!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a 5 year old only child and she’s so self sufficient and we have tons of free time. A big part is that there are two parents, so even if one child needs more attention, there’s a 2:1 ratio and one parent can relax. I think PPs are projecting what they think only children are like based on their experiences of kids with siblings, but my only child mom friends and I text about being bored and having hobbies. Don’t think you’ll be doing that in another 3 years if you have a second.

Not to be contrary but the moms with only children I know are desperate to find things for their kid to do during Covid. There’s no playmate at home and the parents are stuck playing games, entertaining. Even in the beforetimes, those parents were always reaching out for okay dates while those of us with 2-4 kids had jam packed weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 5 year old only child and she’s so self sufficient and we have tons of free time. A big part is that there are two parents, so even if one child needs more attention, there’s a 2:1 ratio and one parent can relax. I think PPs are projecting what they think only children are like based on their experiences of kids with siblings, but my only child mom friends and I text about being bored and having hobbies. Don’t think you’ll be doing that in another 3 years if you have a second.

Not to be contrary but the moms with only children I know are desperate to find things for their kid to do during Covid. There’s no playmate at home and the parents are stuck playing games, entertaining. Even in the beforetimes, those parents were always reaching out for okay dates while those of us with 2-4 kids had jam packed weekends.

I am a mom of an only and these are both true. I have to work harder to get my kid socialized because she doesn't have siblings, but also my DH and I are able to tag-team with her and it's glorious. And yes, Covid has been hard on families with only children. But Covid has been hard on lots of people in a variety of ways. At no point during Covid have I though, "Oh, if only we had a second child, this would be so much easier!" I do occasionally wish my child had someone other than me or my husband to bug when she wants attention.

I don't think anyone should make a choice about what kind of family to have based on what Covid has been like. It hasn't even been consistent during the pandemic! Sometimes I worry my child is getting lonely, but other times I know I've had it much easier because I only have to worry about one. The most obvious place where this is true is childcare for an elementary age child while schools are closed. Having to pay for one kid's childcare was already an unpleasant surprise. If we'd had two it would have been a real financial problem.

The point is, there are always pluses and minuses. There is no set-up with kids where it's easy. Have the number of kids you want and then figure out how to deal with the downsides, whether it's getting your only child socialization or dealing with sibling rivalry. No one "wins" at parenting. You just do it.

[Anonymous]

Low energy with two, 6 months and 3. It’s hard but worth it. If you sleep train you will be ok. Both in bed by 7 then I have iPad and Netflix time.

[Anonymous]

I had my 2nd when I was 41. Best decision ever. Yes, it is hard because we are also low energy but we had two things - I work part time from home, my mom lived with us during that time and she was 60 and very active, and we outsourced like crazy. Now they are 16 and 14 and love and support each other. We are a very chilled household and my kids are amazing. Best decision ever. Having a second made things easier (with support). When my mom moved with my brother, I quit my job and became a full time SAHM. Bliss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider in the lower energy side, is that you will need to more intensively parent your DD if she is an only than if she has a sibling who can socialize and play with her. Thinking more weekend activities, play dates, etc.

—mother of a 5mo, unsure about a second, who wants to be reading a book in bed right now.

This.

[Anonymous]

The low energy spouse on my relationship really didn't want to add another child. So we have an only. Somethings are harder, especially no playmate during covid lockdown, but we're so much less exhausted in general than friends who juggle more then one.

In normal times, travel is easier, only one parent teacher conference to attend, one set of activities to juggle, one set of clothes to buy and launder.... Today one of us relaxed while the other went out with the kid and then we switched. Then dinner all together, and no one was over tired.

It was the right decision for us as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really surprised anyone is actually saying or suggesting that two kids is somehow easier than one. That... doesn’t track with reality. For all of the time your kids spend playing together nicely, literally everything else about parenting is harder. Having one kid is simply easier than having two. That’s just sort of common knowledge...

Two kids are wonderful, but so is knowing your limits. Have a second if you want one, but be prepared that it will be more than double the work and the second kid is truly when your lives start “revolving” (for lack of a better word) around the kids.

I think this is how people tend to justify their choices, or in most cases, circumstances. Of course having two kids is harder than one!!!

My older kid is extremely extroverted. I am not. I assure you that having a second is much easier and more pleasant than if he was an only. The days drag when his sister is away. When she’s home they play and I can do chores. Otherwise he wants me to play with him constantly.