Low energy parents - have a second kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider in the lower energy side, is that you will need to more intensively parent your DD if she is an only than if she has a sibling who can socialize and play with her. Thinking more weekend activities, play dates, etc.

—mother of a 5mo, unsure about a second, who wants to be reading a book in bed right now.

Kindly, what does a FTM with a 5mo know about weekends and playdates? You’re speaking from articles you’ve read, not experience. Nobody 5 months into parenthood has any idea what the kid years will look like.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both high-energy and we have an amazing nanny but a toddler (2.5) and infant are kicking our butts big time. It’s so hard! There’s is virtually no downtime. I love both my kids and never wish we hadn’t had our baby but be prepared for how hard it is.

[Anonymous]

I’m low energy and I have 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 5 year old only child and she’s so self sufficient and we have tons of free time. A big part is that there are two parents, so even if one child needs more attention, there’s a 2:1 ratio and one parent can relax. I think PPs are projecting what they think only children are like based on their experiences of kids with siblings, but my only child mom friends and I text about being bored and having hobbies. Don’t think you’ll be doing that in another 3 years if you have a second.

Not to be contrary but the moms with only children I know are desperate to find things for their kid to do during Covid. There’s no playmate at home and the parents are stuck playing games, entertaining. Even in the beforetimes, those parents were always reaching out for okay dates while those of us with 2-4 kids had jam packed weekends.

My boys, 18 months apart, have never done anything but fight with each other. So I basically have two children I have to play with. Don’t have a second to play with the first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

Me again. I actually just re-read OP's post. I was focusing on the "netflix and takeout" part and less on the "my husband is going to be away all week part." Yea, OP, having to be a solo parent to an infant and toddler the entire week IS hard, "low energy" or not. If that's your situation, and there's nothing changing it, then yes I would definitely consider not having a second child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

Me again. I actually just re-read OP's post. I was focusing on the "netflix and takeout" part and less on the "my husband is going to be away all week part." Yea, OP, having to be a solo parent to an infant and toddler the entire week IS hard, "low energy" or not. If that's your situation, and there's nothing changing it, then yes I would definitely consider not having a second child.

Pro tip: if you call a person "lazy" you are being rude. I know, anonymous online comments feel harmless but there are real people reading this and looking for advice. And yes, you still sound insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

Me again. I actually just re-read OP's post. I was focusing on the "netflix and takeout" part and less on the "my husband is going to be away all week part." Yea, OP, having to be a solo parent to an infant and toddler the entire week IS hard, "low energy" or not. If that's your situation, and there's nothing changing it, then yes I would definitely consider not having a second child.

Pro tip: if you call a person "lazy" you are being rude. I know, anonymous online comments feel harmless but there are real people reading this and looking for advice. And yes, you still sound insecure.

Ugh, I shouldn't follow up on this, but I'm bored. What about my post sounds insecure...? Some things are hard but worth it. Forgoing some netflix and takeout for a few years? I think that's worth it. That's my advice. Having to solo parent two children indefinitely? Probably not worth it, to me, but others could disagree and think that effort is also worth it. I think maybe you're insecure if you're that upset about it? And I dunno, I'm sorry, I don't find "lazy" that bad of a word. I call myself lazy all the time. Especially while watching netflix and eating takeout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

Me again. I actually just re-read OP's post. I was focusing on the "netflix and takeout" part and less on the "my husband is going to be away all week part." Yea, OP, having to be a solo parent to an infant and toddler the entire week IS hard, "low energy" or not. If that's your situation, and there's nothing changing it, then yes I would definitely consider not having a second child.

Pro tip: if you call a person "lazy" you are being rude. I know, anonymous online comments feel harmless but there are real people reading this and looking for advice. And yes, you still sound insecure.

Ugh, I shouldn't follow up on this, but I'm bored. What about my post sounds insecure...? Some things are hard but worth it. Forgoing some netflix and takeout for a few years? I think that's worth it. That's my advice. Having to solo parent two children indefinitely? Probably not worth it, to me, but others could disagree and think that effort is also worth it. I think maybe you're insecure if you're that upset about it? And I dunno, I'm sorry, I don't find "lazy" that bad of a word. I call myself lazy all the time. Especially while watching netflix and eating takeout.

I can't even lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

Me again. I actually just re-read OP's post. I was focusing on the "netflix and takeout" part and less on the "my husband is going to be away all week part." Yea, OP, having to be a solo parent to an infant and toddler the entire week IS hard, "low energy" or not. If that's your situation, and there's nothing changing it, then yes I would definitely consider not having a second child.

Pro tip: if you call a person "lazy" you are being rude. I know, anonymous online comments feel harmless but there are real people reading this and looking for advice. And yes, you still sound insecure.

Ugh, I shouldn't follow up on this, but I'm bored. What about my post sounds insecure...? Some things are hard but worth it. Forgoing some netflix and takeout for a few years? I think that's worth it. That's my advice. Having to solo parent two children indefinitely? Probably not worth it, to me, but others could disagree and think that effort is also worth it. I think maybe you're insecure if you're that upset about it? And I dunno, I'm sorry, I don't find "lazy" that bad of a word. I call myself lazy all the time. Especially while watching netflix and eating takeout.

I can't even lol

It sounds like you are really into netflix and takeout. More power to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m really surprised anyone is actually saying or suggesting that two kids is somehow easier than one. That... doesn’t track with reality. For all of the time your kids spend playing together nicely, literally everything else about parenting is harder. Having one kid is simply easier than having two. That’s just sort of common knowledge...

Two kids are wonderful, but so is knowing your limits. Have a second if you want one, but be prepared that it will be more than double the work and the second kid is truly when your lives start “revolving” (for lack of a better word) around the kids.

+1

I have two boys that are 3 and almost 5. They do play together, and I personally love having two. But yes, it's more work. 2x the laundry, messes, doctor visits, potty-training, tantrums, buckling and unbuckling from car seats, etc. The stages might overlap depending on age, but they last longer. And because of Covid I've almost forgotten how hard outings were. It is hard to keep an eye on both of them at a crowded kid's museum or playground. Sure at some point they will be able to unbuckle themselves and they are getting more self-sufficient every day. But I'm sure there will be unidentified future needs to replace the ones they've outgrown.

[Anonymous]

If you're low energy, like introverted low energy, don't underestimate how draining it can be to be in a house with bickering children. Or even happy loudly playing children. I have an only who is high energy extroverted, so we try to socialize a lot for her sake (now just outdoors), but it's already such a relief to go back to our relatively quiet home. And now that's she's 8 she says the same thing! DD's friends tell her how lucky she is to not have an annoying sibling, too. It's so tiring to visit cousins because there's always so much go go go.

[Anonymous]

Two children ,especially if there are boys, is more than twice as hard as having one (mother of 3 boys and 2 girls).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

Me again. I actually just re-read OP's post. I was focusing on the "netflix and takeout" part and less on the "my husband is going to be away all week part." Yea, OP, having to be a solo parent to an infant and toddler the entire week IS hard, "low energy" or not. If that's your situation, and there's nothing changing it, then yes I would definitely consider not having a second child.

Pro tip: if you call a person "lazy" you are being rude. I know, anonymous online comments feel harmless but there are real people reading this and looking for advice. And yes, you still sound insecure.

Ugh, I shouldn't follow up on this, but I'm bored. What about my post sounds insecure...? Some things are hard but worth it. Forgoing some netflix and takeout for a few years? I think that's worth it. That's my advice. Having to solo parent two children indefinitely? Probably not worth it, to me, but others could disagree and think that effort is also worth it. I think maybe you're insecure if you're that upset about it? And I dunno, I'm sorry, I don't find "lazy" that bad of a word. I call myself lazy all the time. Especially while watching netflix and eating takeout.

I can't even lol

It sounds like you are really into netflix and takeout. More power to you.

Np here. You're deliberately being obtuse. Not a good look. No one should ever be criticized for their decision to not have more kids or have kids at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

Me again. I actually just re-read OP's post. I was focusing on the "netflix and takeout" part and less on the "my husband is going to be away all week part." Yea, OP, having to be a solo parent to an infant and toddler the entire week IS hard, "low energy" or not. If that's your situation, and there's nothing changing it, then yes I would definitely consider not having a second child.

Pro tip: if you call a person "lazy" you are being rude. I know, anonymous online comments feel harmless but there are real people reading this and looking for advice. And yes, you still sound insecure.

Ugh, I shouldn't follow up on this, but I'm bored. What about my post sounds insecure...? Some things are hard but worth it. Forgoing some netflix and takeout for a few years? I think that's worth it. That's my advice. Having to solo parent two children indefinitely? Probably not worth it, to me, but others could disagree and think that effort is also worth it. I think maybe you're insecure if you're that upset about it? And I dunno, I'm sorry, I don't find "lazy" that bad of a word. I call myself lazy all the time. Especially while watching netflix and eating takeout.

I can't even lol

It sounds like you are really into netflix and takeout. More power to you.

Np here. You're deliberately being obtuse. Not a good look. No one should ever be criticized for their decision to not have more kids or have kids at all.

I doubt PP calls her friends "lazy" to their faces, because if she did, they'd think she's a jerk. But since it's online it's okay to be an a-hole? If her "concern" for OP is that she'll get bored, I assure her that there are other ways to occupy ones 's time besides raising children. Or should empty nesters all become foster parents lest they Netflix too much? JFC.