Low energy parents - have a second kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

Me again. I actually just re-read OP's post. I was focusing on the "netflix and takeout" part and less on the "my husband is going to be away all week part." Yea, OP, having to be a solo parent to an infant and toddler the entire week IS hard, "low energy" or not. If that's your situation, and there's nothing changing it, then yes I would definitely consider not having a second child.

Pro tip: if you call a person "lazy" you are being rude. I know, anonymous online comments feel harmless but there are real people reading this and looking for advice. And yes, you still sound insecure.

Ugh, I shouldn't follow up on this, but I'm bored. What about my post sounds insecure...? Some things are hard but worth it. Forgoing some netflix and takeout for a few years? I think that's worth it. That's my advice. Having to solo parent two children indefinitely? Probably not worth it, to me, but others could disagree and think that effort is also worth it. I think maybe you're insecure if you're that upset about it? And I dunno, I'm sorry, I don't find "lazy" that bad of a word. I call myself lazy all the time. Especially while watching netflix and eating takeout.

I can't even lol

The OP essentially called herself lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

Me again. I actually just re-read OP's post. I was focusing on the "netflix and takeout" part and less on the "my husband is going to be away all week part." Yea, OP, having to be a solo parent to an infant and toddler the entire week IS hard, "low energy" or not. If that's your situation, and there's nothing changing it, then yes I would definitely consider not having a second child.

Pro tip: if you call a person "lazy" you are being rude. I know, anonymous online comments feel harmless but there are real people reading this and looking for advice. And yes, you still sound insecure.

Ugh, I shouldn't follow up on this, but I'm bored. What about my post sounds insecure...? Some things are hard but worth it. Forgoing some netflix and takeout for a few years? I think that's worth it. That's my advice. Having to solo parent two children indefinitely? Probably not worth it, to me, but others could disagree and think that effort is also worth it. I think maybe you're insecure if you're that upset about it? And I dunno, I'm sorry, I don't find "lazy" that bad of a word. I call myself lazy all the time. Especially while watching netflix and eating takeout.

I can't even lol

The OP essentially called herself lazy.

Do you call your friends "lazy" to their faces? OP took it well but I still think it's pretty rude, and pretty disingenuous to claim it is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, I applaud you knowing your limits. On the other hand, is that really what you want to be left with at the end of your life - you could've had another child, but you chose netflix and takeout and general laziness? The intense stage is so short.

I find when people react this rudely against other people's choices, it's because they are feeling insecure about their own life choices.

Agreed. Or, you know, I'm choosing my mental and physical health over having a second kid.

I didn't mean to be rude! Or, I didn't put much thought into it, because this is dcum? Anyway, I'm just saying, people put energy into all kinds of things that are important to them. I'm really asking, at the end of your life, are you going to be happier you have a second child, or that you go to sit on the couch and watch netflix with takeout for a few extra years? OP said she was low energy, not depressed/mentally ill.

Me again. I actually just re-read OP's post. I was focusing on the "netflix and takeout" part and less on the "my husband is going to be away all week part." Yea, OP, having to be a solo parent to an infant and toddler the entire week IS hard, "low energy" or not. If that's your situation, and there's nothing changing it, then yes I would definitely consider not having a second child.

Pro tip: if you call a person "lazy" you are being rude. I know, anonymous online comments feel harmless but there are real people reading this and looking for advice. And yes, you still sound insecure.

Ugh, I shouldn't follow up on this, but I'm bored. What about my post sounds insecure...? Some things are hard but worth it. Forgoing some netflix and takeout for a few years? I think that's worth it. That's my advice. Having to solo parent two children indefinitely? Probably not worth it, to me, but others could disagree and think that effort is also worth it. I think maybe you're insecure if you're that upset about it? And I dunno, I'm sorry, I don't find "lazy" that bad of a word. I call myself lazy all the time. Especially while watching netflix and eating takeout.

I can't even lol

The OP essentially called herself lazy.

Do you call your friends "lazy" to their faces? OP took it well but I still think it's pretty rude, and pretty disingenuous to claim it is not.

Also the idea that a person should have more children out of boredom is just...damn. I feel for your children.

[Anonymous]

Could someone who self-identifies as low energy explain what is meant by that? I am not being obtuse, but genuinely curious how that is quantified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could someone who self-identifies as low energy explain what is meant by that? I am not being obtuse, but genuinely curious how that is quantified.

They read a book or chill at home, rather than train for a marathon/triathlon or over-schedule the family with activities 7 days per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could someone who self-identifies as low energy explain what is meant by that? I am not being obtuse, but genuinely curious how that is quantified.

IME, vitamin deficient = low energy. I really can't say what OP means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could someone who self-identifies as low energy explain what is meant by that? I am not being obtuse, but genuinely curious how that is quantified.

For me a lot of it is I am an introvert, so being around other people while it can be fun is also tiring. Less so my own family of course. So I'm a bit of a homebody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could someone who self-identifies as low energy explain what is meant by that? I am not being obtuse, but genuinely curious how that is quantified.

For me a lot of it is I am an introvert, so being around other people while it can be fun is also tiring. Less so my own family of course. So I'm a bit of a homebody.

This. I disagree that low energy means that you don't pursue projects or sign your kids up for classes, though. I do both. But I also like getting 10 hours of sleep/rest a night (so like 7-8 hours of sleep plus 2-3 hours of quiet time reading or doing a chill craft or something).

I tend to be very thoughtful about adding commitments to my lap. I don't instantly sign up for the PTA just because I can. We take vacations but we also do multiple "staycations" each year where we take a few days off and just do family stuff locally without the stress of travel. We say no to our families all the time. We view "going out to lunch" as a sufficient Saturday activity and are fine spending the rest of the day lying around reading or playing games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Me again! Omg, I don't care whether she has kids or not. Look, let me rephrase: "OP, if you REALLY want a second child, but you're afraid that you won't be able to handle it because you're 'low energy,' don't be afraid - you can do it. (Unless by low-energy you really mean clinically depressed/chronic fatigue, etc.). I myself am a low energy homebody!! And I have 2 kids! Yes, it gets hard, but what I tell myself when it gets hard is, at the end of my life I will be happier with my 2 kids vs. a few extra years of couch time. That is truly what I tell myself and it makes me feel better, so maybe it will work for you. On the other hand, if your real concern isn't so much leisure time as it is the burden of solo parenting all week, then yes, that does sound very difficult and possibly cause to not have a second child. I know that I would never be happy in that situation." IS THAT BETTER FOR EVERYBODY?

So basically you are here to justify your own choices. Thanks for clarifying.

I don't get it - have you never done anything that was hard because you felt the end result would be worth it? Do you think everyone in medical school is having a fun relaxing time? Do you think people climbing mount everest are having fun? If I were a doctor (and enjoyed my profession), and someone said to me "I really want to be a doctor, but I don't think I can do it because I love my relaxing evenings too much," I would say to them "You can and should do it. It will be hard for a few years, but in the end it will be worth it. At the end of your life, will you be happier that you became a doctor, or that you had a few extra years of relaxing evenings?"

It's one thing to sincerely not want a second child. It's another one to want one but be scared that you "can't handle it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Also the idea that a person should have more children out of boredom is just...damn. I feel for your children.

Who said anything about having a child out of boredom?

[Anonymous]

We were in the same boat and stuck with one. Our DS is high-energy. He also takes up a lot of time (it's ok I am just pointing it out) with IEPs and other worries. What if our second child has the same challenges? there is emotional stress of parenting beyond the toddler stage. I am very happy we stuck to one.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't. I am 37, both DH and I are super high-energy....we have three young kids and its so much work. I have several friends who are very happy being a family three. Everyone is different. We had strong feelings about having three and felt we could handle it so ew went for it. We can and tis amazing but its not something that would be very fun unless you were really into it.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are exactly like you guys. I’m currently undergoing IVF to have a second. It’s a very personal decision. I want another but relate to how you feel. I’d have a second in your shoes- it sounds like you want another based on going through IVF for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are exactly like you guys. I’m currently undergoing IVF to have a second. It’s a very personal decision. I want another but relate to how you feel. I’d have a second in your shoes- it sounds like you want another based on going through IVF for it.

OP here, thank you and I wish you success on your IVF!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are exactly like you guys. I’m currently undergoing IVF to have a second. It’s a very personal decision. I want another but relate to how you feel. I’d have a second in your shoes- it sounds like you want another based on going through IVF for it.

OP here, thank you and I wish you success on your IVF!

Thank you! I wish you luck in your decision.