Parents of only children: what’s the best part? Biggest challenge?

[Anonymous]

We have two children, 3 years apart, and it's been very helpful during this pandemic. They play together, sleep in the same bed, make our house feel full and not lonely. We've found there's an economy of scale with siblings. They're both the same sex, so we can use the same clothes. They can also use hand me down bikes, toys, books, etc. Child care costs are a factor as well as camp or activity fees. But we would never have it another way. if you;re both not convinced, stick with one. How does your child feel? Maybe consider what she wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two children, 3 years apart, and it's been very helpful during this pandemic. They play together, sleep in the same bed, make our house feel full and not lonely. We've found there's an economy of scale with siblings. They're both the same sex, so we can use the same clothes. They can also use hand me down bikes, toys, books, etc. Child care costs are a factor as well as camp or activity fees. But we would never have it another way. if you;re both not convinced, stick with one. How does your child feel? Maybe consider what she wants?

How on earth is this a useful reply to the OP‘s question? Your experience has nothing to do what she’s asked about. This thread was impressively free of parents of multiples bragging about how much better their situation is until you posted…

And no, ffs, OP shouldn’t make a decision about her family size depending on what her child wants! Kids don’t get to make major life decisions for their families. That’s messed up in so many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two children, 3 years apart, and it's been very helpful during this pandemic. They play together, sleep in the same bed, make our house feel full and not lonely. We've found there's an economy of scale with siblings. They're both the same sex, so we can use the same clothes. They can also use hand me down bikes, toys, books, etc. Child care costs are a factor as well as camp or activity fees. But we would never have it another way. if you;re both not convinced, stick with one. How does your child feel? Maybe consider what she wants?

How on earth is this a useful reply to the OP‘s question? Your experience has nothing to do what she’s asked about. This thread was impressively free of parents of multiples bragging about how much better their situation is until you posted…

And no, ffs, OP shouldn’t make a decision about her family size depending on what her child wants! Kids don’t get to make major life decisions for their families. That’s messed up in so many ways.

Seriously. You shouldn’t even get a pet purely based on what your kid wants, much less have a CHILD. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

I find it very hard to believe all these parents can't think of any real cons with an only. I wish someone would be honest... seems like a lot of defensive families otherwise, and not very believable.

[Anonymous]

Pros
More financial flexibility.
Easier to travel.
Less logistics to manage (camps, activities, etc.).
No sibling rivalries. I remember fighting tooth and nail with my sibling (we're fine now) and sometimes it got ugly.

Cons
You are the playmate all of the time. This has been more of an issue during Covid.
Child doesn't have a built in peer to bounce things off of. We have to tell her when she's going off of the rails and she doesn't believe us. That feedback would better coming from a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it very hard to believe all these parents can't think of any real cons with an only. I wish someone would be honest... seems like a lot of defensive families otherwise, and not very believable.

The fact that you can’t believe that we’re happy with our choices says way more about you than us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two children, 3 years apart, and it's been very helpful during this pandemic. They play together, sleep in the same bed, make our house feel full and not lonely. We've found there's an economy of scale with siblings. They're both the same sex, so we can use the same clothes. They can also use hand me down bikes, toys, books, etc. Child care costs are a factor as well as camp or activity fees. But we would never have it another way. if you;re both not convinced, stick with one. How does your child feel? Maybe consider what she wants?

Yeah I would not ask a 3 year old whether he wants a sibling or not. He has no frame of reference. Would you ask your 3 year old if you should move to another city for a job opportunity? Whether you should move grandma into a nursing home? If you should open a 529 or use alternative methods for college savings?

I’m all for involving kids in decisions that will impact them, but 3 is way too young. Parents have to decide for themselves how big their families should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it very hard to believe all these parents can't think of any real cons with an only. I wish someone would be honest... seems like a lot of defensive families otherwise, and not very believable.

The fact that you can’t believe that we’re happy with our choices says way more about you than us.

Oh I believe you are happy. I just think there are cons that we should be ok with admitting and discussion. Every decision has good and bad attached to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it very hard to believe all these parents can't think of any real cons with an only. I wish someone would be honest... seems like a lot of defensive families otherwise, and not very believable.

OP here. Happy families are often reluctant to identify a "con" to their family set up, specifically because they are happy so they don't think of things as negatives. That's why I asked about challenges, because I do assume there are parenting challenges that parents of onlies face that parents of multiples do not.

My observation is that parents of multiple kids can be just as dishonest about the challenges, by the way. I've been told many times that I "have" to have another kid so that my child isn't lonely or spoiled. But if you ask parents of multiple kids about sibling rivalry issues, they will often shrug them off. The thing, my parents shrugged them off to, and my siblings and I all have pretty terrible relationships with each other because our parents did a poor job addressing competition and envy when we were kids (in fact they tacitly encouraged it in many ways).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it very hard to believe all these parents can't think of any real cons with an only. I wish someone would be honest... seems like a lot of defensive families otherwise, and not very believable.

The fact that you can’t believe that we’re happy with our choices says way more about you than us.

Oh I believe you are happy. I just think there are cons that we should be ok with admitting and discussion. Every decision has good and bad attached to it.

You are assuming we are hiding things, which again — says more about you than us. There are really no cons to our situation. Do I sometimes think it would be nice for DD to have a sibling? Yes. But I know the sacrifices we’d have to make and the fact that pretty much everyone in my family has crappy adult sibling relationships, and consider it not worth it.

[Anonymous]

My best friend has an only child. She may not notice it because this is her only frame of reference but her son is self centered and unable to deal with any compromise relating to his desires. I have 5 children that share, laugh, fight, compromise, apologize and are incredibly loyal to one another. When we are gone they will have each other’s backs and that is priceless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend has an only child. She may not notice it because this is her only frame of reference but her son is self centered and unable to deal with any compromise relating to his desires. I have 5 children that share, laugh, fight, compromise, apologize and are incredibly loyal to one another. When we are gone they will have each other’s backs and that is priceless.

1. You don’t know what your kids’ relationships will be like as adults. I hope they get along, but many, many people do not get along with their siblings as adults.

2. Kids can be self-centered in sibling situations just as easily as in one-kid situations. Don’t generalize.

[Anonymous]

A LOT of parents of multiple kids in this thread for parents of only children, talking about how bad it is to have an only child.

Y'all are telling on yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend has an only child. She may not notice it because this is her only frame of reference but her son is self centered and unable to deal with any compromise relating to his desires. I have 5 children that share, laugh, fight, compromise, apologize and are incredibly loyal to one another. When we are gone they will have each other’s backs and that is priceless.

1. You don’t know what your kids’ relationships will be like as adults. I hope they get along, but many, many people do not get along with their siblings as adults.

2. Kids can be self-centered in sibling situations just as easily as in one-kid situations. Don’t generalize.

Let me elaborate on number 1: Again, I hope it’s different in your case, but with the exception my sister and I—who have a decent relationship, but are hardly as close as we were as kids—no one in my extended family has close sibling relationships. My dad and his 3 sisters barely talk to one another. My mom hates her brother. My husband has a non-existent relationship with his brother. My FIL is not in contact with his siblings.

You can say that all of these people have problems, but more likely it’s just that many people aren’t close with their siblings as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A LOT of parents of multiple kids in this thread for parents of only children, talking about how bad it is to have an only child.

Y'all are telling on yourselves.

Yup.

My favorite part is the person who assumes we must be hiding something because we say we’re happy.