Your child is a spoiled brat

[Anonymous]

13:50, I think I have the same son. I have him on a short leash at all times and it's exhausting.

Lord, these kids are so hard. And the flipping brilliant IQ only makes it that much more miserable in dealing with him.

i would feel like a total failure if my other child weren't sunny, sweet and well-behaved.

That said, yes OP, there are a whole lot of parents in this area who have a hard time being the grown up. It's truly horrible to be around them and their children and I regularly avoid a close friend over this very issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I think your post is sort of harsh, negative and unhelpful, but I'll bite.

I think our generation of parents are "taught" or maybe encouraged to "emplower" the child too much. I find myself explaining to my 19 month old way to much. As in, we can't do this because of X. I can't understand you when you whine, etc.

Personally, I think that can be overdone and sometimes you need a harsh "NO! Because I said so, that's why!"

Our parents' and grandparents' generation may have been too heavy-handed with that, but we are going to far in the other direction. I blame myself as well. The other day I lost patient and snapped at my child when she was on the floor whining - not harshly, just said her name, and she bolted up and stopped.

It was a huge lesson. I'm her mom, she will respect me just because of that, I don't need to treat her like a little adult every second of the day. I think we are encouraged to narrate everything to our children to help them learn language, but we can over-narrate. Sometimes they just need to shape up because mom or dad or adult in charge said so. No other reason.

I don't find OP's post harsh at all. However, I find your need to explain things to your 19 mo very amusing.

It's not a need. I meant, "it's time to eat now, let's go to the table. It's time for bath." Etc. I don't think I am the only one that explains and narrates to my child. My point was, we all do that (or most parents do) and when it leads to trying to out-explain them from a temper tantrum, which I see a lot of parents doing, including Noah's mom in OP's post, it can be a negative.

[Anonymous]

People who don't have children who are defiant, stubborn, and have very high IQs have no idea how difficult it can be to parent those children. My kid is unbelievably difficult, but he is also extremely smart and has a wicked sense of humor. AND he hits me, screams at me, and defies me several times every day. He is always punished for the behavior, but it continues. He also tells me how much he loves me and is extremely polite to strangers and helps younger kids and his teachers adore him. So, he may be a brat at times, but anyone who suggests I'm not trying to raise him properly can F off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I think your post is sort of harsh, negative and unhelpful, but I'll bite.

I think our generation of parents are "taught" or maybe encouraged to "emplower" the child too much. I find myself explaining to my 19 month old way to much. As in, we can't do this because of X. I can't understand you when you whine, etc.

Personally, I think that can be overdone and sometimes you need a harsh "NO! Because I said so, that's why!"

Our parents' and grandparents' generation may have been too heavy-handed with that, but we are going to far in the other direction. I blame myself as well. The other day I lost patient and snapped at my child when she was on the floor whining - not harshly, just said her name, and she bolted up and stopped.

It was a huge lesson. I'm her mom, she will respect me just because of that, I don't need to treat her like a little adult every second of the day. I think we are encouraged to narrate everything to our children to help them learn language, but we can over-narrate. Sometimes they just need to shape up because mom or dad or adult in charge said so. No other reason.

Agreed. To much is spent on developing their capabilities and not enough on establishing virtue. As a whole, we are aiming to raise the next Bill Gates but we are more likely to raise the next Lex Luthor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know kids can be difficult and some are born more difficult, defiant, stubborn, and rotten and there's not much you can do to alter personality, but what I take objection with is a parent who is weak and does not even give it a decent try to curb the behavior.

1. I fundamentally agree with OP, ok? however I have ...

2. A very defiant, stubborn, sour and high IQ child who tests me about 84% more than your 7 year old tests you. He's been like this since infancy. I guarantee those numbers. Be that as it may ...

3. I consistently and firmly keep him in line, even in public, and sometimes I need to be somewhat harsh or even loud. I'm the mom at the mall, playground, parking lot or birthday party whose voice occasionally rises above a sweet cajoling plea in order to force her kid to behave a certain way. Sometimes -- brace yourselves -- I'll even grab his arm in PUBLIC.

This does not go over well in our liberal, over-educated, pacifist enclave of the District!

Just posting to let OP and others know that sometimes, it's just out of your hands to some extent.

I do believe that when children are unusually smart (gifted?) at a young age, it's hard to harness that power for good b/c they've learned how to be manipulative.

I suppose that you can only hope that soon the body will catch up to the mind and things will even themselves out.

But until then, consistency is the key.

[Anonymous]

Here we go...hold on while I get some popcorn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:50, I think I have the same son. I have him on a short leash at all times and it's exhausting.

Lord, these kids are so hard. And the flipping brilliant IQ only makes it that much more miserable in dealing with him.

i would feel like a total failure if my other child weren't sunny, sweet and well-behaved.

That said, yes OP, there are a whole lot of parents in this area who have a hard time being the grown up. It's truly horrible to be around them and their children and I regularly avoid a close friend over this very issue.

I think it is comforting to believe that misbehavior is a side effect of brilliance, but it is not. There are brilliant kids who are very well-behaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who don't have children who are defiant, stubborn, and have very high IQs have no idea how difficult it can be to parent those children. My kid is unbelievably difficult, but he is also extremely smart and has a wicked sense of humor. AND he hits me, screams at me, and defies me several times every day. He is always punished for the behavior, but it continues. He also tells me how much he loves me and is extremely polite to strangers and helps younger kids and his teachers adore him. So, he may be a brat at times, but anyone who suggests I'm not trying to raise him properly can F off.

Actually, I'm a novice at this game - with my oldest only 5. So I often seek advice from my pals who have already been there/done that. And all of them have told me that when children are polite outside of the home (at a play date, at the store, at school, etc.) but act out at home, that's usually the sign of a kid who's under control.

Kids need to push limits. Hell, we do it as adults. But to push at home is fine b/c they know that it's "safe."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know kids can be difficult and some are born more difficult, defiant, stubborn, and rotten and there's not much you can do to alter personality, but what I take objection with is a parent who is weak and does not even give it a decent try to curb the behavior.

1. I fundamentally agree with OP, ok? however I have ...

2. A very defiant, stubborn, sour and high IQ child who tests me about 84% more than your 7 year old tests you. He's been like this since infancy. I guarantee those numbers. Be that as it may ...

3. I consistently and firmly keep him in line, even in public, and sometimes I need to be somewhat harsh or even loud. I'm the mom at the mall, playground, parking lot or birthday party whose voice occasionally rises above a sweet cajoling plea in order to force her kid to behave a certain way. Sometimes -- brace yourselves -- I'll even grab his arm in PUBLIC.

This does not go over well in our liberal, over-educated, pacifist enclave of the District!

Just posting to let OP and others know that sometimes, it's just out of your hands to some extent.

Simply excuse yourself and take the child into the restroom. Do not allow others to take it out of your hands. If you do not provide proper discipline to an out-of-control child, eventually, even in this liberal, over-educated pacifist enclave of the District, somebody will take the unfortunate opportunity to bring your child into control. Teach them when they are young, so that they may not have the failures of tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here we go...hold on while I get some popcorn.

Don't you have some left over from another thread? Was it the most recent one that "devolved" into the Mommy War?

[Anonymous]

I know. I'm working on it. Believe me. Another high IQ, stubborn, kid. And way over-sensitive to boot. We have been trying VERY HARD to reign in his behavior which seems to have gotten a lot worse since he turned 5. But cut me some slack. It's not just about cutting out the sing-songing and the narrative. His actions do have consequences and believe me, if little Noah were my son, that is not the way it would have gone down. That said, please understand that it can be extremely stressful when your kid acts out in front of others, especially when you feel like he's the only one who is being so difficult. We are finally making some progress, but it has not been easy. If you don't have a kid with this kind of temperment, you can't possibly understand how draining and trying it can be at times. So please, don't make generalizations or assumptions about my parenting skills or efforts. I'm doing my best.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your high IQ kids have oppositional defiance disorder and aren't just acting out because they are so much smarter than everyone else.

Geez. My parents had five kids with IQs over 140, and none of us treated them so disrespectfully.

It just sounds like a massive rationalization. Please note that I'm not saying that you have poor parentings skills. It isn't a judgment on your parenting at all. Some kids have actual psychological disorders that warrant treatment, and that should be considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know kids can be difficult and some are born more difficult, defiant, stubborn, and rotten and there's not much you can do to alter personality, but what I take objection with is a parent who is weak and does not even give it a decent try to curb the behavior.

1. I fundamentally agree with OP, ok? however I have ...

2. A very defiant, stubborn, sour and high IQ child who tests me about 84% more than your 7 year old tests you. He's been like this since infancy. I guarantee those numbers. Be that as it may ...

3. I consistently and firmly keep him in line, even in public, and sometimes I need to be somewhat harsh or even loud. I'm the mom at the mall, playground, parking lot or birthday party whose voice occasionally rises above a sweet cajoling plea in order to force her kid to behave a certain way. Sometimes -- brace yourselves -- I'll even grab his arm in PUBLIC.

This does not go over well in our liberal, over-educated, pacifist enclave of the District!

Just posting to let OP and others know that sometimes, it's just out of your hands to some extent.

I'm the poster you quoted. I have no problem with kids like yours, I like your parenting style. What bothers me is kids who are parents to difficult kids who simply have given up and do nothing at all, such as my friend. With these willful kids, you need to be a really strong parent, which I suspect you are. Noting is more frustrating that sitting there with your mouth shut while a kid runs wild over his parents and the parent continues their sweet cajoling ast you have described. I'd prefer to witness a good old fashioned spanking. As a mom to more than one child, I'm fully aware that not all kids are the same and some are easy and some are really hard, and you have to adapt your parenting and approach to each one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your high IQ kids have oppositional defiance disorder and aren't just acting out because they are so much smarter than everyone else.

Geez. My parents had five kids with IQs over 140, and none of us treated them so disrespectfully.

It just sounds like a massive rationalization. Please note that I'm not saying that you have poor parentings skills. It isn't a judgment on your parenting at all. Some kids have actual psychological disorders that warrant treatment, and that should be considered.

Really stinks to be the sixth, huh? Sorry for your bad luck - are you at least better looking or more athletic than your siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your high IQ kids have oppositional defiance disorder and aren't just acting out because they are so much smarter than everyone else.

Geez. My parents had five kids with IQs over 140, and none of us treated them so disrespectfully.

It just sounds like a massive rationalization. Please note that I'm not saying that you have poor parentings skills. It isn't a judgment on your parenting at all. Some kids have actual psychological disorders that warrant treatment, and that should be considered.

Really stinks to be the sixth, huh? Sorry for your bad luck - are you at least better looking or more athletic than your siblings?

Well, apparently the "wit" gene doesn't run in your family.