Your child is a spoiled brat

[Anonymous]

Why do parents with totally out of control, disrespectful kids never know their child is a brat? So many kids in our neighborhood are just out of control. I mean bad. One kid actually spat in his mom's face one day because she told him he couldn't have a popsicle becaue she had forgotten her wallet. She said in a very sing-song voice "Now Noah..that hurts my feelings." and did nothing. Another mom at playgroup told her 4 year old he couldn't have another snack. When the child climbed on the kitchen counter, walked over and helped himself, she laughed and said "He's resourseful." My kids are not perfect. But my child has never told me to shut up or spat in my face. If one of them did, there would be punishment. Is this the new form of parenting? We are all screwed in 20 years if this is the common mindset.

[Anonymous]

I so agree with you. I see very disrespectful children all the time and the parents are just as bad.

[Anonymous]

Well, I think your post is sort of harsh, negative and unhelpful, but I'll bite.

I think our generation of parents are "taught" or maybe encouraged to "emplower" the child too much. I find myself explaining to my 19 month old way to much. As in, we can't do this because of X. I can't understand you when you whine, etc.

Personally, I think that can be overdone and sometimes you need a harsh "NO! Because I said so, that's why!"

Our parents' and grandparents' generation may have been too heavy-handed with that, but we are going to far in the other direction. I blame myself as well. The other day I lost patient and snapped at my child when she was on the floor whining - not harshly, just said her name, and she bolted up and stopped.

It was a huge lesson. I'm her mom, she will respect me just because of that, I don't need to treat her like a little adult every second of the day. I think we are encouraged to narrate everything to our children to help them learn language, but we can over-narrate. Sometimes they just need to shape up because mom or dad or adult in charge said so. No other reason.

[Anonymous]

oops meant empower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I think your post is sort of harsh, negative and unhelpful, but I'll bite.

I think our generation of parents are "taught" or maybe encouraged to "emplower" the child too much. I find myself explaining to my 19 month old way to much. As in, we can't do this because of X. I can't understand you when you whine, etc.

Personally, I think that can be overdone and sometimes you need a harsh "NO! Because I said so, that's why!"

Our parents' and grandparents' generation may have been too heavy-handed with that, but we are going to far in the other direction. I blame myself as well. The other day I lost patient and snapped at my child when she was on the floor whining - not harshly, just said her name, and she bolted up and stopped.

It was a huge lesson. I'm her mom, she will respect me just because of that, I don't need to treat her like a little adult every second of the day. I think we are encouraged to narrate everything to our children to help them learn language, but we can over-narrate. Sometimes they just need to shape up because mom or dad or adult in charge said so. No other reason.

I don't find OP's post harsh at all. However, I find your need to explain things to your 19 mo very amusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I think your post is sort of harsh, negative and unhelpful, but I'll bite.

She was not trying to be helpful, she started a thread and was not responding to someone's question. Does every post have to be about butterfiles and flowers?

Anyhoo, yes, there are quite a few out of control kids, I don't think this is anything new, each generation has spoiled kids due to poor parenting. Personally, I really wish I had the nuts to come out and tell one particular girlfriend of mine why we never can hang out, it is because of her kid. She has invited us on vacations and always reached out to get the kids together. I don't have the heart to tell her that her little monster and her lack of a spine in dealing with him makes it impossible for me to get the kids together. In our circle of friends we all can't stand her kid and have pulled away, but no one has told he why. I'm sure she is left wondering what is going on. I'm suprised she cannot see that there is something seriously wrong with her son's disrespectful behaviour and her and her husband's inablilty to deal with it in a healthy manner.

Look, I know kids can be difficult and some are born more difficult, defiant, stubborn, and rotten and there's not much you can do to alter personality, but what I take objection with is a parent who is weak and does not even give it a decent try to curb the behavior.

[Anonymous]

some parents do know that their kids are brats and they know that they are brats b/c the parents gave in when it was too hard to be the grown up. Unfortunately, these parents tend to be some of our good friends. So we either have to put up with their kids or not see our friends. <sigh>

I think it is important to treat your child with respect, but it is also important to be the grown up and set boundaries for acceptable (and safe) behaviors. We've told our DD that she can ask "why" but not refuse to comply. And we are clear that breaking the rules has a consequence. My parents always had reasons for their rules (and curfews) and it made it impossible to argue against them.

I wish there were a way to gracefully step in to correct or redirect an errant child when their parents are present. About as brave as I've been is to say "your father/mother said NO."

[Anonymous]

Who wants to admit that their kids are brats? I am not at that stage yet with my baby, but I can totally see a parent thinking that their kid is being "resourceful" rather than defiant or "bad" because they think it reflects badly on them. I don't know what the truth or reality is, just saying that perhaps that is why parents think their own kids aren't brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who wants to admit that their kids are brats? I am not at that stage yet with my baby, but I can totally see a parent thinking that their kid is being "resourceful" rather than defiant or "bad" because they think it reflects badly on them. I don't know what the truth or reality is, just saying that perhaps that is why parents think their own kids aren't brats.

as can I

But unfortunately, being in denial enables bratty behavior.

[Anonymous]

Amen, OP.

[Anonymous]

One of my closest friends laments often that she never gets invited anywhere since she had kids. I always wish I could nicely tell her it's her kids and that people refuse to hang out with her because they are nightmares. All kids act up, but I would never subject my friends to my child trashing the house, screaming at the top of their lungs, throwing food on floor or climbing under the table during dinner.

[Anonymous]

I find the let's just call it "craziest kid behavior" stems from parents who don't have a consistent disciplien routine - they sort of dabble and sample what is out there, and think just mimicing what they see should do the trick. So the sing-song voice is an imitation of what they have seen other parents doing, but they don't really know how or when to use it (no positive discpline book in the world would say its' OK to have your kids treat you like crap).

I know my one friend drives me nuts as she just sort of randomly chooses things, and never follows up. But are her kids brats? I don't know, that is harsh word for any child. And I will say, her older child is actually more responsible - my guess from him realizing someone needs to be responsible around the house. Maybe she's onto something.

[Anonymous]

Op here again. I have to say many of the parents who do not discipline their kids will say they want their children to be "happy". I have never met a out of control happy child or even an adult for that matter. If you don't teach your child how to behavior and what's acceptable in this world, you set them up for a lifetime of not getting it. Teachers can't deal with the kid, employers can deal with them later. It's a form of neglect in my mind.

[Anonymous]

I know kids can be difficult and some are born more difficult, defiant, stubborn, and rotten and there's not much you can do to alter personality, but what I take objection with is a parent who is weak and does not even give it a decent try to curb the behavior.

1. I fundamentally agree with OP, ok? however I have ...

2. A very defiant, stubborn, sour and high IQ child who tests me about 84% more than your 7 year old tests you. He's been like this since infancy. I guarantee those numbers. Be that as it may ...

3. I consistently and firmly keep him in line, even in public, and sometimes I need to be somewhat harsh or even loud. I'm the mom at the mall, playground, parking lot or birthday party whose voice occasionally rises above a sweet cajoling plea in order to force her kid to behave a certain way. Sometimes -- brace yourselves -- I'll even grab his arm in PUBLIC.

This does not go over well in our liberal, over-educated, pacifist enclave of the District!

Just posting to let OP and others know that sometimes, it's just out of your hands to some extent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know kids can be difficult and some are born more difficult, defiant, stubborn, and rotten and there's not much you can do to alter personality, but what I take objection with is a parent who is weak and does not even give it a decent try to curb the behavior.

1. I fundamentally agree with OP, ok? however I have ...

2. A very defiant, stubborn, sour and high IQ child who tests me about 84% more than your 7 year old tests you. He's been like this since infancy. I guarantee those numbers. Be that as it may ...

3. I consistently and firmly keep him in line, even in public, and sometimes I need to be somewhat harsh or even loud. I'm the mom at the mall, playground, parking lot or birthday party whose voice occasionally rises above a sweet cajoling plea in order to force her kid to behave a certain way. Sometimes -- brace yourselves -- I'll even grab his arm in PUBLIC.

OP here. At least you try. There are kids in the universe who are strong willed. My point is that the parents I know don't care, don't try to control their child and have no idea it's even a problem. They think it's normal kid behavior.
This does not go over well in our liberal, over-educated, pacifist enclave of the District!

Just posting to let OP and others know that sometimes, it's just out of your hands to some extent.