Bedtime is hell with my almost-10-year-old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bedtime was a nightmare until we started having DS take a melatonin gummy every night.

OMG. Why didn't I think of this?

Because it doesn't work for every kid. Didn't work for my kid.

[Anonymous]

it stems from the fact that you and parter, if there is one, are pussies.

[Anonymous]

I'd try all the things suggested. Maybe some melatonin for a week or so to reset the routine. Have her take a shower earlier in the evening (I sometimes get my kids to do this right after dinner and before any dessert). No screens after dinner.

Then I'd have her go to her room by 8pm or so and like others have said, let her read or play quietly. Maybe listen to a podcast or music.

After the routine is settled well, try stopping the melatonin or cutting it down.

[Anonymous]

She's almost 10, so this battle might be hard fought, but will be short won.

I'd do the following:
- tech devices off whenever you say (we do not allow video games on school nights but some tv is ok after dinner)
- melatonin gummy if your doctor says OK, but that may not be necessary and I'd use as a last resort
- routine must be followed: head upstairs at 8:45 with your glass of water and last chance for a small snack, shower, IN BED by 9:15pm and lights out by 9:45. If you try to fall asleep but can not, you may read with your bedside light on until you fall asleep. I put a water bottle on nightstand in case kid needs a water refill (it avoids more trips downstairs which leads to another snack, etc...)

I'd also avoid letting her sleep super late on weekends. We try to get our DS up by 9:30 otherwise he will never sleep at night and the clock is too hard to reset.

[Anonymous]

OP I have not had this problem with my kids but I was myself a big problem at that age.

And it stemmed from being over-tired, past it, quite early in the evening and that slipped into negativity and insistence that I didn't need to get into bed. A kind of panic would set in.

I don't know if this is the case for your kid but I do recommend you try returning to a strict routine with food, bathing, reading, maybe even listening to music and then lights out (or whatever your equivalent is).

And maybe suggest a reward for getting it done on schedule for 5 nights in a row - frozen yogurt trip / whatever the equivalent perk is for your kid.

good luck and remember, this like all things WILL PASS.

[Anonymous]

Maybe give her a book at bed time?

[Anonymous]

I'd do everything suggested and also lay down the law. I don't think any parent enjoys yelling at their kids, but if my almost 10 year old was jumping on the bed after her father and I were in bed ready to go to sleep, there would be yelling. Loud yelling. She wouldn't do it twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd do everything suggested and also lay down the law. I don't think any parent enjoys yelling at their kids, but if my almost 10 year old was jumping on the bed after her father and I were in bed ready to go to sleep, there would be yelling. Loud yelling. She wouldn't do it twice.

+1. There really is no excuse at this age. She is being really disobedient. I like the PPs suggestions of more exercise, letting her read quietly in bed as well as the melatonin. It is a lot of attention seeking. Do you have other kids?

[Anonymous]

She needs more tasks, more responsibility, self reliance. Is she doing her own laundry, all of it? Is she preparing meals? raking the yard? vacuuming?

[Anonymous]

I wonder if it could be anxiety. We see a lot of those behaviors in my anxious child.

[Anonymous]

What time is she waking up?

She needs to wake up earlier too. She’s not tired at 9/10 if she gets to sleep until 8:30 or 9 the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the kid who didn't want to go to bed and would fight my parents on it.

One day my future brother-in-law happened to be at our house at bedtime (gaps) and asked my mom: "Why don't you let her read a book in bed? That's what I used to do because I didn't want to go bed, either." My mom gave in, I laid in bed with a flashlight and read my astronomy books, and there was finally peace at bedtime.

Tell your daughter she has to be in bed at 9, but she can read any book she wants for "awhile". My 12-year-old reads or draws for an hour. Throw your kid a bone.

Same.

[Anonymous]

If she needs more exercise or a better routine these suggestions are great. If she is avoiding going to bed because she is anxious about falling asleep because she can’t fall asleep and then she is panicking...she may need something else. My DS has a terrible 5th grade year and he got full on, terrible insomnia. I looked up CBT-I therapy and DIY’d that, and also got him in for 6 sessions of CBT. He still uses many of those techniques at 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What time is she waking up?

She needs to wake up earlier too. She’s not tired at 9/10 if she gets to sleep until 8:30 or 9 the next day.

Bingo. I would wake her up at 7:30am and make sure she has chores, physical activity, and less screen time than she wants. No more shenanigans. I would lay down the law, her behavior is ridiculous at age 10. I have a 10 year old and he’s not perfect, but I would be furious if he behaved like this and he would lose a lot of privileges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the kid who didn't want to go to bed and would fight my parents on it.

One day my future brother-in-law happened to be at our house at bedtime (gaps) and asked my mom: "Why don't you let her read a book in bed? That's what I used to do because I didn't want to go bed, either." My mom gave in, I laid in bed with a flashlight and read my astronomy books, and there was finally peace at bedtime.

Tell your daughter she has to be in bed at 9, but she can read any book she wants for "awhile". My 12-year-old reads or draws for an hour. Throw your kid a bone.

This. Reading privilege is a great thing! And also amp up the exercise by 100%.