Bedtime is hell with my almost-10-year-old
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Pretty much since last spring, bedtime has been a total nightmare with my 9 year old. She delays, complains she isn't tired, fights us on taking a shower (and she needs it, badly), says she is hungry, and every other excuse in the book.
We've tried incentives, consequences, routines, no routines, letting her create her own routines (which are untenable because they include playing Roblox until midnight  ). Seriously, I dread bedtime every night.
Anyone else experiencing this? I'm thinking its somehow attached to how this pandemic has upended our lives. I thought it would improve with school restarting but now we have the added frustration of getting her out of bed in the morning in time to log on for class. (And she's up at a decent time on the weekends.) I think a lot stems from ability to control (for her). Any tips or suggestions? We had to take away use of the iPad last night for the next two days, and she has been in my office multiple times today complaining of boredom, and interrupting my work calls. |
Anonymous
|
I'm sure it's stress-related because of the pandemic, which is understandable. You're more stressed out, too, which probably makes it harder to handle her resistance.
Give her a break. Be more loving and forgiving if you can be. Do the same for yourself. These are historic times. |
Anonymous
OP here. I hear you. The problem is, DH and I *need* to go to bed at 10. Some of these battles last until 11 some days, and my DH (who has some OCD) simply can't handle it. And it's a battle because she will not leave our room. She'll jump on the bed to play. (which we have engaged in sometimes). Or sometimes it will be lying on our floor screaming "I'm not tired!!!" |
Anonymous
| Bedtime was a nightmare until we started having DS take a melatonin gummy every night. |
Anonymous
OP again... I should add that I am physically exhausted at that point too. It's less for me about being in bed at 10 on the dot, and more about sheer exhaustion from the day. |
Anonymous
OMG. Why didn't I think of this? |
Anonymous
| Devices go away 2 hours before bedtime, and she showers then. After the shower, offer a small dessert. After that, is there something non-device that she'd like to do, alone or with you? Is there a low-key board game she enjoys? Coloring book? Books? Book on tape? |
Anonymous
| How much exercise is she getting during the day? I'd up that considerably. |
Anonymous
| Can she go to bed at whatever time and read for an hour. My DD is 8 and needs to be showered and in bed by 8pm. She can then read to herself for an hour and turns her light out herself. She can listen to the radio on Alexa to fall asleep. If she disturbs me between 8-9 she doesn’t get the radio. |
Anonymous
|
Start phasing in a no-screens 2hr prior to bedtime rule. She can read, play, tinker around, play roblux any other time, but no screens prior to bed. That's non-negotiable (but you might need to phase that in instead of cold-turkey).
What was your bedtime routine prior to March? Is there anything you can do to eliminate the hurdles (shower before/immediately after dinner, for example, instead of waiting until 915pm when it becomes a power struggle)? Do you have any 1:1 time together? Family time together? We always go outside after dinner - sometimes a walk, scooter, shoot hoops, whatever. The day can be crazy-busy, but after dinner we all put down our screens and give each other undivided attention for said examples listed. Part of it is boredom. Online learning is exhausting and boring. There is nothing physical to anchor the day (like it used to be with in classroom learning). You're busy with work. So your kid turns to iPad to pass the time here & there. Mix in the want for autonomy and power struggles as everyone tries to have control over something, anything really, to maintain sanity and you've got yourself a restless 10 yr old. |
Anonymous
This was my first thought. Also, put away devices after school. We do this w/our 9yo. Because iPad is not an option, she needs to read, go outside, play with the dog, etc. |
Anonymous
|
I bet she needs more exercise.
I think also, since she wants "to play" that she isn't getting enough of something she needs from you. |
Anonymous
|
My same-aged daughter has always wanted a long-drawn-out bedtime, but it takes the form of wanting extra huge and kisses, and cuddles in bed, and one more cuddle, and no I didn't spend enough time in her room, and I forgot to kiss her plush panda, and I forgot to kiss her plush marmot...
I usually go along with it, but last night I had enough and just walked out after a reasonable amount of hugs and kisses. She was NOT happy! Why don't you wake up your daughter earlier? Make her run around the block 10 times before breakfast (or whatever), and she may not fight you so much at bedtime. Or if she doesn't want to go to bed on time, say: "Sure, you can stay up if you do these math problems and read this text with the reading comprehension questions." Would she go to bed then? 
|
Anonymous
|
I was the kid who didn't want to go to bed and would fight my parents on it.
One day my future brother-in-law happened to be at our house at bedtime (gaps) and asked my mom: "Why don't you let her read a book in bed? That's what I used to do because I didn't want to go bed, either." My mom gave in, I laid in bed with a flashlight and read my astronomy books, and there was finally peace at bedtime. Tell your daughter she has to be in bed at 9, but she can read any book she wants for "awhile". My 12-year-old reads or draws for an hour. Throw your kid a bone. |
Anonymous
| (gasp)^^ |