Bedtime is hell with my almost-10-year-old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... we tried melatonin - can’t tell yet if it is helping. To answer a few questions from other posters -

She is very athletic and she does play a sport 3x a week plus has friends on our street she plays with. Screen time has picked up since the pandemic but honestly, who hasn’t experienced that?

She has always been a strong-willed, independent child. No signs of ADHD.

Translation, op and her dh let dd run the roost, and do not parent. Woman, act like a parent and tell that child to cut the crap.

+1 Also OP and spouse need to wake that kid up at 6:30 am or so and go for a walk or a jog or something. If the weather is too icky then all lights on and the kid MUST get out of bed regardless. They need to change her sleep pattern and they need to make sure she is getting more exercise. Add in some household chores to fill time and tire the kid out.

[Anonymous]

Same
Melatonin or l-Theanine and started going to bed when she did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bedtime was a nightmare until we started having DS take a melatonin gummy every night.

OMG. Why didn't I think of this?

Or CBD oil.

[Anonymous]

A nine year old has become a tyrant and ruling the house at night, which is terrible for her parents, but worse for her. First, don’t give her any options and don’t let her choose anymore. You are the parents and you are responsible to put boundaries in place for your child to live in; going to bed at a reasonable hour and respect for others‘ time and rest are two very basic ones. Second, pick a time (not unreasonably early, maybe an hour before she is falling asleep now) and say: this is bedtime. You may pick a book and read quietly, but you may not leave this bed after this time. If she gets out (which she will), walk her back. Then do it again and again and again and again, until she understands you are no longer negotiating this and it’s not a fun game anymore. You can’t force another human being to sleep, but you can make rules that they stay in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... we tried melatonin - can’t tell yet if it is helping. To answer a few questions from other posters -

She is very athletic and she does play a sport 3x a week plus has friends on our street she plays with. Screen time has picked up since the pandemic but honestly, who hasn’t experienced that?

She has always been a strong-willed, independent child. No signs of ADHD.

Translation, op and her dh let dd run the roost, and do not parent. Woman, act like a parent and tell that child to cut the crap.

+1 Also OP and spouse need to wake that kid up at 6:30 am or so and go for a walk or a jog or something. If the weather is too icky then all lights on and the kid MUST get out of bed regardless. They need to change her sleep pattern and they need to make sure she is getting more exercise. Add in some household chores to fill time and tire the kid out.

I agree! I was staying up all summer till 1am! No way I was falling asleep at 10pm the day after weeks of this! So, I started to wake up at 6:30 and now, by 9:30pm, I am okie dokie.... tired now! Plus I am so much busier now, summer was some kind of a blur when life felt on pause..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old has become a tyrant and ruling the house at night, which is terrible for her parents, but worse for her. First, don’t give her any options and don’t let her choose anymore. You are the parents and you are responsible to put boundaries in place for your child to live in; going to bed at a reasonable hour and respect for others‘ time and rest are two very basic ones. Second, pick a time (not unreasonably early, maybe an hour before she is falling asleep now) and say: this is bedtime. You may pick a book and read quietly, but you may not leave this bed after this time. If she gets out (which she will), walk her back. Then do it again and again and again and again, until she understands you are no longer negotiating this and it’s not a fun game anymore. You can’t force another human being to sleep, but you can make rules that they stay in bed.

But op said her dd is strong willed. What is op and her dh to do? She is bouncing off their bed at 11pm! Poor people, so tired. Must try CBD, melatonin, Nyquil, Benadryl, Valium, and get an eval for the poor child!

[Anonymous]

Again, what time does the child wake up?

I would rather wake up my kid at 7:30am instead of 9am than drug them with melatonin or CBD oil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old has become a tyrant and ruling the house at night, which is terrible for her parents, but worse for her. First, don’t give her any options and don’t let her choose anymore. You are the parents and you are responsible to put boundaries in place for your child to live in; going to bed at a reasonable hour and respect for others‘ time and rest are two very basic ones. Second, pick a time (not unreasonably early, maybe an hour before she is falling asleep now) and say: this is bedtime. You may pick a book and read quietly, but you may not leave this bed after this time. If she gets out (which she will), walk her back. Then do it again and again and again and again, until she understands you are no longer negotiating this and it’s not a fun game anymore. You can’t force another human being to sleep, but you can make rules that they stay in bed.

But op said her dd is strong willed. What is op and her dh to do? She is bouncing off their bed at 11pm! Poor people, so tired. Must try CBD, melatonin, Nyquil, Benadryl, Valium, and get an eval for the poor child!

They can not allow her into their room. No bouncing on beds or there are consequences and things taken away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old has become a tyrant and ruling the house at night, which is terrible for her parents, but worse for her. First, don’t give her any options and don’t let her choose anymore. You are the parents and you are responsible to put boundaries in place for your child to live in; going to bed at a reasonable hour and respect for others‘ time and rest are two very basic ones. Second, pick a time (not unreasonably early, maybe an hour before she is falling asleep now) and say: this is bedtime. You may pick a book and read quietly, but you may not leave this bed after this time. If she gets out (which she will), walk her back. Then do it again and again and again and again, until she understands you are no longer negotiating this and it’s not a fun game anymore. You can’t force another human being to sleep, but you can make rules that they stay in bed.

But op said her dd is strong willed. What is op and her dh to do? She is bouncing off their bed at 11pm! Poor people, so tired. Must try CBD, melatonin, Nyquil, Benadryl, Valium, and get an eval for the poor child!

They can not allow her into their room. No bouncing on beds or there are consequences and things taken away.

You missed that poster was sarcastic. They should have used a /s to indicate it!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like stress. Plus now it’s become routine. This is how she gets her stress out. Is she exercising every day? I know it is hard with fewer activities but make a list of exercises she can choose from and she has to do one a day (bike, walk, run, exercise tape, whatever works for you).

At bedtime, you set the routine. Try ending the routine with her lieing in bed in the dark and you or your husband are in there for a quiet conversation. It’s a good way to have conversation time, and it is also a good way to let your daughter relax and let herself feel tired. The other option is reading a book, but it sounds like what she wants is your attention (if she is bouncing on your bed) Then you firmly set the rule that she has to stay in her room.

Good luck to you! Kids that do not sleep are hard. You need to up your parenting right at the point you are completely exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Give her more responsibilities in the day time. Tell her that as she is getting closer to an adult you will be treating her like one and expecting more adult behavior from her.

This includes chores and rewards and zero bed jumping.

[Anonymous]

Wake her early. Make sure she has activities to wear her out. No screens 2 hours prior to bed. In bed by 9 and she can read. White noise machine plus melatonin.

You don't give her a choice. If it takes a few nights of screaming, so be it. Sucks for you, I know. But think of it like sleep training.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like electronics are causing part of the problem.

I would suggest turning off all electronics at dinnertime. If there are fewer distractions, there will be less pushback for bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like electronics are causing part of the problem.

I would suggest turning off all electronics at dinnertime. If there are fewer distractions, there will be less pushback for bedtime.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like electronics are causing part of the problem.

I would suggest turning off all electronics at dinnertime. If there are fewer distractions, there will be less pushback for bedtime.

Exactly.

+1 I also wonder if she is attention-seeking. OP hasn't described a lot about the rest of the day but coming into her parents' bedroom and jumping on the bed seems like very aggressive attention-seeking. Perhaps after dinner and when there are no electronics, OP and her husband can institute some family time and play board games or something. If the child feels like she is getting more attention earlier then perhaps she will be more compliant later in the day when it matters most to OP and her husband.