My husband is fat and he does not care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough shit. You married him. Now you don't like it cuz he gained some weight? Maybe he's stressed or he just likes to eat.

You sound like a superficial bitch. I'm sure he could do much better.

Another crazy misogynist literal pig. Enjoy eating yourself to diabetes. Put down the Twinkies, you sad clown.

[Anonymous]

You cant make someone care or be a functional human being. But telling him you're not sexually attracted to him because of his weight and cant/wont be engaging in sex with him until he can get control of himself might be some motivation. You should show him all the documentation about how detrimental fat is. But at the end of the day, dysfunctional people will always be dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

"Seeing you work out puts me in the mood."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve tried both being subtle and explicitly telling him he needs to lose weight. He needs to lose 30-40lbs. I have always been a healthy weight but the last few months, not wanting to be hypercritical, started regularly working out. Well now I’m in very good shape and...he’s still overweight with zero motivation to lose it. I thought maybe he would want to work out with me if he saw me working hard and we could make it a couples thing but no. Then he wonders why I’m never in the mood to have sex.

I love him and don’t ever see myself cheating or leaving him over this - I just had to vent my frustration somewhere. The double standard between men and women is not fair. I don’t think he’s depressed. Just hates exercise and loves ice cream. Oh well.

What double standard? That's it's okay for husbands to be fat and unattractive but not wives? That women are required to be attracted to their obese husbands and men aren't? I think there's only one standard, and that's the unrealistic standard imposed by lifelong marriage. The vows don't actually say it explicitly, but "better or worse," includes "fit and sexy or fat and repulsive." Didn't sign up for that? Yep, no one does. Some would even say that he's broken the covenant by not taking care of himself for you. (Do you honestly think this argument would hold up if the sexes were reversed? Nah, didn't think so.) But just remember: ALL bodies are beautiful. Surely you can dig deep enough to enjoy his doughy rolls. Well, you'd better find a way, because this is it. For the rest. of. your. life.

Signed, a DH with a fat wife

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. This situation just sucks. When either sex decides they are entitled to just let themselves go since they have their spouse trapped, it is so disrespectful in my opinion. There are several legitimate excuses not to be in good shape and those fall under “sickness and health” but when you know the person just doesn’t care that you’d appreciate them looking after themselves simply because they prefer laziness and ice cream? Obnoxious. My DH is similar and like you I’m certainly not getting divorced over it but it lingers in the background as a light dissatisfaction.

[Anonymous]

My DH, too. The huge belly is not attractive. He does not want to hear about it from me, but I worry about his health. AND he keeps dragging his feel on insurance and estate planning paperwork until he gets “under 200 pounds.” (The premiums are cheaper.) It’s been three years since I had it all drafted—he snaps at me when I bring it up. Infuriating, and I’ve given up.

[Anonymous]

6’ 225lbs is also known as a man. You want to be married to a HS cheerleader that’s your choice, but let’s be real here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6’ 225lbs is also known as a man. You want to be married to a HS cheerleader that’s your choice, but let’s be real here.

Nah, that's definitely fat. People have tried to normalize being overweight because it's so common, but unless he is very muscular (and clearly he is not) that size qualifies as fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve tried both being subtle and explicitly telling him he needs to lose weight. He needs to lose 30-40lbs. I have always been a healthy weight but the last few months, not wanting to be hypercritical, started regularly working out. Well now I’m in very good shape and...he’s still overweight with zero motivation to lose it. I thought maybe he would want to work out with me if he saw me working hard and we could make it a couples thing but no. Then he wonders why I’m never in the mood to have sex.

I love him and don’t ever see myself cheating or leaving him over this - I just had to vent my frustration somewhere. The double standard between men and women is not fair. I don’t think he’s depressed. Just hates exercise and loves ice cream. Oh well.

What double standard? That's it's okay for husbands to be fat and unattractive but not wives? That women are required to be attracted to their obese husbands and men aren't? I think there's only one standard, and that's the unrealistic standard imposed by lifelong marriage. The vows don't actually say it explicitly, but "better or worse," includes "fit and sexy or fat and repulsive." Didn't sign up for that? Yep, no one does. Some would even say that he's broken the covenant by not taking care of himself for you. (Do you honestly think this argument would hold up if the sexes were reversed? Nah, didn't think so.) But just remember: ALL bodies are beautiful. Surely you can dig deep enough to enjoy his doughy rolls. Well, you'd better find a way, because this is it. For the rest. of. your. life.

Signed, a DH with a fat wife

+1

If a DH was posting about being super slim with a morbidly obese spouse who steadfastly refused to even care about losing weight, and just ate whatever she wanted (This is not even accounting for the fact that men naturally have an abundance of testosterone, aka the fat burning hormone, making it sooo much easier for them to lose weight) then the male commentators here would be telling him to dump her or have an affair. But if a woman even has the audacity to notice that her man looks like Roseanne Barr then she's a horrible person (or gendered slur, as the lovely PP used). So sick of the truly pathetic double standard. I hope it ages out with my generation and the next, and I think it will. Most women dont have to tolerate this nonsense anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6’ 225lbs is also known as a man. You want to be married to a HS cheerleader that’s your choice, but let’s be real here.

Stop trying to justify your obesity. Your man boobs and jiggling jello ass are not manly- not in the least. More like the TOTAL OPPOSITE. Women want to be married to a man- aka fit, strong, healthy, capable, vital. Not a blob of mayonnaise.

[Anonymous]

If nothing else encourage the guy to take a day walk with you. May not do much for him aesthetically but it’ll help him health wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If nothing else encourage the guy to take a day walk with you. May not do much for him aesthetically but it’ll help him health wise.

Daily not day

[Anonymous]

What if you had DH go in for an annual physical? Sometimes having a doctor tell you that you have (pick one); hypertension, high BMI, pre-diabetes, or a significant weight gain since the last visit can be enlightening.

The practitioner should also ask about DH exercise and lifestyle.

I'm dealing with this now with my DH, a former college athlete who has very slowly gained weight to the point that he's now about 50 or more lbs overweight. Also 6 ft.

What helps the most is MY commitment to working out...he started joining me on my runs and couldn't keep up with me. That shocked him into action. DH just bought an exercise bike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6’ 225lbs is also known as a man. You want to be married to a HS cheerleader that’s your choice, but let’s be real here.

Stop trying to justify your obesity. Your man boobs and jiggling jello ass are not manly- not in the least. More like the TOTAL OPPOSITE. Women want to be married to a man- aka fit, strong, healthy, capable, vital. Not a blob of mayonnaise.

Posted by a spindly little spandex bike boy who can’t understand why the other guys in the neighborhood don’t like him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6’ 225lbs is also known as a man. You want to be married to a HS cheerleader that’s your choice, but let’s be real here.

Stop trying to justify your obesity. Your man boobs and jiggling jello ass are not manly- not in the least. More like the TOTAL OPPOSITE. Women want to be married to a man- aka fit, strong, healthy, capable, vital. Not a blob of mayonnaise.

Posted by a spindly little spandex bike boy who can’t understand why the other guys in the neighborhood don’t like him.

Actually posted by a woman who is sick of fat little pillsbury dough boys expecting women to be attracted to their blobby jiggly flesh. Like cottage cheese in a trash bag.