Ex never, ever goes away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I would end it also. He isn't 100% with you. He may move on eventually...likely when his ex re-marries, but who knows. All you can do is figure he isn't ready now and hasn't been honest with you and move on

OP: According to him, they met when he was 19. She's the only other woman he's ever been with. So, from 19 to 34, she was his life. He said to me once, "It's hard to cut off someone who was part of your life for 20 years. Sometimes they're still important to you even if you aren't in love with them." I don't know what to do with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a prop in their ongoing saga. I would move on.

+1 He's been lying to your face for 2 years. At this point it's not even about her. And if you confront him he'll just become better at hiding it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I would end it also. He isn't 100% with you. He may move on eventually...likely when his ex re-marries, but who knows. All you can do is figure he isn't ready now and hasn't been honest with you and move on

OP: According to him, they met when he was 19. She's the only other woman he's ever been with. So, from 19 to 34, she was his life. He said to me once, "It's hard to cut off someone who was part of your life for 20 years. Sometimes they're still important to you even if you aren't in love with them." I don't know what to do with that.

That statement is irrelevant at this point. He's been lying to you. If it's "hard" to cut someone off, he should have told you he was still talking to her all the time. His actions are telling you that it's easy to dupe you and hard to let her go. What do you do with that statement?

[Anonymous]

I'd end it, OP. This is not normal and he is not over her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I would end it also. He isn't 100% with you. He may move on eventually...likely when his ex re-marries, but who knows. All you can do is figure he isn't ready now and hasn't been honest with you and move on

OP: According to him, they met when he was 19. She's the only other woman he's ever been with. So, from 19 to 34, she was his life. He said to me once, "It's hard to cut off someone who was part of your life for 20 years. Sometimes they're still important to you even if you aren't in love with them." I don't know what to do with that.

You thank him for being honest, and you gracefully tell him you wish him the best in life, and walk away. This is not your battle, and it is an unnecessary threat. Be glad you only invested 2 years. There are plenty of fish, and right now with covid I can promise there are singles out there more open to connection and companionship than ever before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a prop in their ongoing saga. I would move on.

Why did they get divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I would end it also. He isn't 100% with you. He may move on eventually...likely when his ex re-marries, but who knows. All you can do is figure he isn't ready now and hasn't been honest with you and move on

OP: According to him, they met when he was 19. She's the only other woman he's ever been with. So, from 19 to 34, she was his life. He said to me once, "It's hard to cut off someone who was part of your life for 20 years. Sometimes they're still important to you even if you aren't in love with them." I don't know what to do with that.

OP, I was close with my ex from 19 years of age. My SO expressed concern about his motives, and I tried to defend them. Ultimately, I ended that friendship because he was not worth losing the love of my life over. It was not a difficult choice. If your boyfriend truly loved you, he wouldn’t threaten your relationship with inappropriate ties. It’s one thing if she is introduced to you and he isn’t hiding the relationship. But there is too much deceit. If he is doing this now, please rest assured that this is a character trait that is a large red flag, outside of the inappropriateness of the relationship. He is emotionally immature, and he is deceitful when challenged. You want a husband and father that will fight for you and your family when the chips are down. You shouldn’t feel like this now when you are only dating. I wish you the best and hope you make the tough choice that is truly the best choice.

[Anonymous]

FIVE YEARS since his divorce and he’s still not over her??!!??

Come on OP. You know better. Why are you still with this guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a prop in their ongoing saga. I would move on.

Why did they get divorced?

OP: According to him, they stopped having any shared interests. She just wants to sit in the house all day, and he wanted to go out and do things. He also said there was no physical attraction anymore-- they didn't have sex for the last 6 years of their marriage. He was the one who ended it and asked her to move out.

[Anonymous]

Definitely leave his ass. I married and had children with a man like this because he lied and said it was all over and he had no contact with her. I can't even begin to describe the pain and suffering it has caused me and my children.

Seriously, leave his ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a prop in their ongoing saga. I would move on.

Why did they get divorced?

OP: According to him, they stopped having any shared interests. She just wants to sit in the house all day, and he wanted to go out and do things. He also said there was no physical attraction anymore-- they didn't have sex for the last 6 years of their marriage. He was the one who ended it and asked her to move out.

They haven't had sex in 11 years and he's sneaking around with his phone texting her all day?

I hope you don't believe this, OP. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a prop in their ongoing saga. I would move on.

Why did they get divorced?

OP: According to him, they stopped having any shared interests. She just wants to sit in the house all day, and he wanted to go out and do things. He also said there was no physical attraction anymore-- they didn't have sex for the last 6 years of their marriage. He was the one who ended it and asked her to move out.

He is an idiot and an emotional train wreck. Please consider reading about men with commitment issues, and why you may be attracted to them. Only to open the aperture for you and maybe get some lessons learned so you won’t do this again in future relationships.

I’m sorry, I know it hurts to end love, but you really are not giving yourself 100%. Love your children enough to choose a father that will be a good husband and good role model. He is not it.

[Anonymous]

Oh Jesus! Dump him right now. He’s still in a relationship with her and you are the third wheel. I guarantee you they will get back together at some point.

[Anonymous]

Op, you're 33. Dump asap and find a man whose all in for you.

This won't work out. You deserve more.

[Anonymous]

He has not moved on from her.

He is not into you.

He will move on from her completely when he meets someone he wants to be with.

You are a stop gap arrangement so that he does not feel like a loser hankering for his ex. Also, he needs you for sex.

You are basically a nothingburger to him. Disposable.