Ex never, ever goes away.

[Anonymous]

OP you know what the answer is, he is showing you who he is every single day. You are choosing not to believe him. There is no reason someone in a 2.5 year relationship who does not have children with an ex is still in contact with them. End it now.

[Anonymous]

You know, I could see it if he was open and honest and this Wass a legit friendship - easy if he and she had mutual friends, and this was. part of a group thing. As long as you were part of the group, talked to her as well, knew he as a person. If everyone was mature and adult about it.

But they seem to have some level of co-dependent relationship, with manipulation and secrets. That's when it crosses the line. He's somehow not done with her, even though he left her. Maybe he feels guilty? Maybe she's manipulative? Maybe he is the one who still wants the contact and for her to matter to him in some way. Whatever it is, he's not honest with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I can’t tell you what to do, but I can say that this is as good as it gets. This phase when you’re dating and thinking about marriage is the easiest time in a relationship. If you’re feeling frustrated now, imagine how you’re going to feel when you’re living together and he forgot to take out the trash and left his wet clothes in the washer... AND then a text from the ex pops on his phone...

+1 ..and don't forget when you've been up half the night with a newborn and it's his turn AND then a text from the ex pops up....

I'm sorry, OP. You need to DTMF. You deserve better and CAN have better. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

You’re the problem, OP, not your BF. He’s shown you who he is for 5 years and you’ve chosen to stay and tolerate/enable it.

[Anonymous]

When he denies talking to her/texting with her, ask to see his phone. When he balks, you will know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a prop in their ongoing saga. I would move on.

+1

Run

[Anonymous]

I’m pretty sure he runs to her rescue wherever something breaks at home or she needs a favor.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I'd invite her over to dinner - let her see the life he now lives, not with her. befriend her, take over the communications between you as a couple and her as an individual

or get him to completely cut her out of his life, once and for all

[Anonymous]

I was with my ex 10 years and for a DECADE after we broke up anytime I’d call, usually when I was in between relationships and feeling low, he’d come running. Regardless of the other women he was in relationships with. I finally went complete no contact when I found out that during a spell where we’d been out of contact, he’d gotten married and had a baby.

You know how I found out? From the new wife who was calling me to find out who I was and why I was planning a trip to come visit her husband.

I felt terrible, because I’d had no idea. Turns out, he’d told her something similar to what your BF told you OP, about how I’d been a part of his life for so long. We were absolutely planning on sleeping together, but I thought I was dealing with a single man...because I never lost access. All the while the wife knows we were in contact but my ex kept saying there was nothing for her to worry about.

OP, your BF’s ex may not even know you exist. You need to dump him.

[Anonymous]

Is he still in love with her?

Either way, he's a manbaby if he's still mooching off her library card and netflix account. How absurd and embarrassing

[Anonymous]

He wants to have his cake 🍰....
And it eat too.

Sadly for him, the real world doesn’t operate in that matter.

This man is selfish, inconsiderate & mostly >>> he is a no-good liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was with my ex 10 years and for a DECADE after we broke up anytime I’d call, usually when I was in between relationships and feeling low, he’d come running. Regardless of the other women he was in relationships with. I finally went complete no contact when I found out that during a spell where we’d been out of contact, he’d gotten married and had a baby.

You know how I found out? From the new wife who was calling me to find out who I was and why I was planning a trip to come visit her husband.

I felt terrible, because I’d had no idea. Turns out, he’d told her something similar to what your BF told you OP, about how I’d been a part of his life for so long. We were absolutely planning on sleeping together, but I thought I was dealing with a single man...because I never lost access. All the while the wife knows we were in contact but my ex kept saying there was nothing for her to worry about.

OP, your BF’s ex may not even know you exist. You need to dump him.

Right so you used him for sex for a DECADE after you broke up and you were surprised he simultaneously moved on with his life and boinked you too. He got caught - that’s all that happened. Did you think he was just wallowing around for a DECADE waiting for your call in between your relationships? You’re deranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was with my ex 10 years and for a DECADE after we broke up anytime I’d call, usually when I was in between relationships and feeling low, he’d come running. Regardless of the other women he was in relationships with. I finally went complete no contact when I found out that during a spell where we’d been out of contact, he’d gotten married and had a baby.

You know how I found out? From the new wife who was calling me to find out who I was and why I was planning a trip to come visit her husband.

I felt terrible, because I’d had no idea. Turns out, he’d told her something similar to what your BF told you OP, about how I’d been a part of his life for so long. We were absolutely planning on sleeping together, but I thought I was dealing with a single man...because I never lost access. All the while the wife knows we were in contact but my ex kept saying there was nothing for her to worry about.

OP, your BF’s ex may not even know you exist. You need to dump him.

Right so you used him for sex for a DECADE after you broke up and you were surprised he simultaneously moved on with his life and boinked you too. He got caught - that’s all that happened. Did you think he was just wallowing around for a DECADE waiting for your call in between your relationships? You’re deranged.

Um, I think the deranged one is the guy, who thought he could keep all this from his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was with my ex 10 years and for a DECADE after we broke up anytime I’d call, usually when I was in between relationships and feeling low, he’d come running. Regardless of the other women he was in relationships with. I finally went complete no contact when I found out that during a spell where we’d been out of contact, he’d gotten married and had a baby.

You know how I found out? From the new wife who was calling me to find out who I was and why I was planning a trip to come visit her husband.

I felt terrible, because I’d had no idea. Turns out, he’d told her something similar to what your BF told you OP, about how I’d been a part of his life for so long. We were absolutely planning on sleeping together, but I thought I was dealing with a single man...because I never lost access. All the while the wife knows we were in contact but my ex kept saying there was nothing for her to worry about.

OP, your BF’s ex may not even know you exist. You need to dump him.

Right so you used him for sex for a DECADE after you broke up and you were surprised he simultaneously moved on with his life and boinked you too. He got caught - that’s all that happened. Did you think he was just wallowing around for a DECADE waiting for your call in between your relationships? You’re deranged.

Um, I think the deranged one is the guy, who thought he could keep all this from his wife.

Um, no. Perhaps the woman is also deranged for making him a decade long booty call/fwb “regardless of the other women he was in a relationship with” per her own words. She is equally scum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We are both adults, too old for childish games. I cannot tell you what to do or how to behave, but I can tell you how your actions make me feel, and what they make me think. In my opinion, your attachment with your ex-wife is unhealthy, and limits any growth we could have for the things we discuss about a future. If we cannot get on the same page about this, then it is only fair we be honest about how far this can go. I’m 33, and AMA is 24 months away. If we are not on the same timeline, or we do not respect the same boundaries,it is only fair to open the door to other options. I love you enough to let you go, but I love myself enough to not compromise on what is best for me and my future family.


And leave it at that. But I sense he is going to give lip service and get better at hiding. I would probably leave if he didn’t initiate things to show I could trust him.

Do they have children together?

yeah, except, she already told him this. more than once. And he swore he was not talking to his ex. So on top of everything, he's lied.

No more chances. How long will it take him to go back to his ex (in some fashion or other) once OP dumps him? a day?

Water under the bridge, but I posted this suggestion on page 1. I also read the updates after posting and said disregard this advice, I was giving benefit of the doubt, but dude has issues. So. We agree.