Ex never, ever goes away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometime ago on this board I proposed a similar problem from a GF that has inappropriate relationships with ex’s and random people she’s gotten underneath and I was told to grow up. You people said it was basically normal and she was being mature. A woman that knows what she wants! Don’t take any advice here!

I’m sorry that the sane people were not around on the day you posted. There are more of us now with the quarantine WFH orders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP he's keeping her on the back burner for some reason. I would move on, but first would call her to see what's really been going on. You might get a big surprise. Plus it may be the push you needed. You're wasting your youth on this cheater OP. I still can't believe you put up with him meeting her for dinner (dates). Think about it....

OP: I honestly didn't know about the dinner and drink dates. You know how it is early in the relationship when you're trying to play it cool and not breathe down their neck to find out where they are all the time? I didn't really start inquiring about this stuff until 9-12 months into dating. He was very skittish and is still a very private person, so I tread very lightly at first. Joke's on me, I guess.

No. You cannot be held responsible for I formation you make based off of a lie, or ignorance. Now that you know better, do better. Otherwise then you will be a foolish idiot. But you aren’t now. You trusted your instinct, and received the rare golden DCUM star of agreement to DTMFA. Go forth and dump in confidence. Be prepared for severe backpedaling, don’t let it become some emotional dragging thing.Slow fade if you must.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I'd invite her over to dinner - let her see the life he now lives, not with her. befriend her, take over the communications between you as a couple and her as an individual

or get him to completely cut her out of his life, once and for all

Drama, unhealthy, discombobulated, and a waste of time. Do not do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I'd invite her over to dinner - let her see the life he now lives, not with her. befriend her, take over the communications between you as a couple and her as an individual

or get him to completely cut her out of his life, once and for all

Drama, unhealthy, discombobulated, and a waste of time. Do not do this.

+1 This is evil-twin on a soap opera levels of drama. Sane people do not operate like this. DTMFA and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This guy is dishonest. How can you be sure he’s divorced and not merely separated? Dump him immediately.

OP: I looked up the results of his case online. They're officially divorced. I did want to make sure.

[Anonymous]

He's still married. Dump him immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is dishonest. How can you be sure he’s divorced and not merely separated? Dump him immediately.

OP: I looked up the results of his case online. They're officially divorced. I did want to make sure.

Are you taking any of the advice here seriously? Is it that great where you would risk future fidelity? You have no reason to do the pick me dance. Do a 180 and kick rocks. This is another good slow fade situation, only if it is easier for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both adults, too old for childish games. I cannot tell you what to do or how to behave, but I can tell you how your actions make me feel, and what they make me think. In my opinion, your attachment with your ex-wife is unhealthy, and limits any growth we could have for the things we discuss about a future. If we cannot get on the same page about this, then it is only fair we be honest about how far this can go. I’m 33, and AMA is 24 months away. If we are not on the same timeline, or we do not respect the same boundaries,it is only fair to open the door to other options. I love you enough to let you go, but I love myself enough to not compromise on what is best for me and my future family.


And leave it at that. But I sense he is going to give lip service and get better at hiding. I would probably leave if he didn’t initiate things to show I could trust him.

Do they have children together?

OP: What type of things would show you could trust him? I want to be able to specifically ask for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I would end it also. He isn't 100% with you. He may move on eventually...likely when his ex re-marries, but who knows. All you can do is figure he isn't ready now and hasn't been honest with you and move on

OP: According to him, they met when he was 19. She's the only other woman he's ever been with. So, from 19 to 34, she was his life. He said to me once, "It's hard to cut off someone who was part of your life for 20 years. Sometimes they're still important to you even if you aren't in love with them." I don't know what to do with that.

That statement is irrelevant at this point. He's been lying to you. If it's "hard" to cut someone off, he should have told you he was still talking to her all the time. His actions are telling you that it's easy to dupe you and hard to let her go. What do you do with that statement?

OP: He told me I was jealous and insecure when I told him their relationship bothered me. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I would end it also. He isn't 100% with you. He may move on eventually...likely when his ex re-marries, but who knows. All you can do is figure he isn't ready now and hasn't been honest with you and move on

OP: According to him, they met when he was 19. She's the only other woman he's ever been with. So, from 19 to 34, she was his life. He said to me once, "It's hard to cut off someone who was part of your life for 20 years. Sometimes they're still important to you even if you aren't in love with them." I don't know what to do with that.

That statement is irrelevant at this point. He's been lying to you. If it's "hard" to cut someone off, he should have told you he was still talking to her all the time. His actions are telling you that it's easy to dupe you and hard to let her go. What do you do with that statement?

OP: He told me I was jealous and insecure when I told him their relationship bothered me. Sigh.

The longer this thread goes on, the more clear it is that you thrive on drama. You're signing on for it even though every single person has told you to move on, so have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I would end it also. He isn't 100% with you. He may move on eventually...likely when his ex re-marries, but who knows. All you can do is figure he isn't ready now and hasn't been honest with you and move on

OP: According to him, they met when he was 19. She's the only other woman he's ever been with. So, from 19 to 34, she was his life. He said to me once, "It's hard to cut off someone who was part of your life for 20 years. Sometimes they're still important to you even if you aren't in love with them." I don't know what to do with that.

That statement is irrelevant at this point. He's been lying to you. If it's "hard" to cut someone off, he should have told you he was still talking to her all the time. His actions are telling you that it's easy to dupe you and hard to let her go. What do you do with that statement?

OP: He told me I was jealous and insecure when I told him their relationship bothered me. Sigh.

The longer this thread goes on, the more clear it is that you thrive on drama. You're signing on for it even though every single person has told you to move on, so have fun.

OP: No, no, no. I was just sharing what he told me the last time I brought up his relationship with her, months and months ago. I haven't spoken to him about this yet. Still thinking and deciding my move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am getting divorced from a man who cheated on me with men, and it doesn't negate that we have grown up together and will always be friends. We've had a terrible sex life forever (duh), and we have no desire to have sex again. All these paranoid PPs who can't fathom a friendship with the ex -- what kind of weak emotional connection did they have that they cant fathom this? Hes been hiding his phone because he knows youre irrational about this. Team boyfriend all the way. But you should break up because you aren't mature or intuitive enough to understand such a relationship.

Nope. Sorry try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I would end it also. He isn't 100% with you. He may move on eventually...likely when his ex re-marries, but who knows. All you can do is figure he isn't ready now and hasn't been honest with you and move on

OP: According to him, they met when he was 19. She's the only other woman he's ever been with. So, from 19 to 34, she was his life. He said to me once, "It's hard to cut off someone who was part of your life for 20 years. Sometimes they're still important to you even if you aren't in love with them." I don't know what to do with that.

That statement is irrelevant at this point. He's been lying to you. If it's "hard" to cut someone off, he should have told you he was still talking to her all the time. His actions are telling you that it's easy to dupe you and hard to let her go. What do you do with that statement?

OP: He told me I was jealous and insecure when I told him their relationship bothered me. Sigh.

The longer this thread goes on, the more clear it is that you thrive on drama. You're signing on for it even though every single person has told you to move on, so have fun.

OP: No, no, no. I was just sharing what he told me the last time I brought up his relationship with her, months and months ago. I haven't spoken to him about this yet. Still thinking and deciding my move.

He is gaslighting you. You need to break up with him. There is no rationalizing his behavior. You are better than this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I would end it also. He isn't 100% with you. He may move on eventually...likely when his ex re-marries, but who knows. All you can do is figure he isn't ready now and hasn't been honest with you and move on

OP: According to him, they met when he was 19. She's the only other woman he's ever been with. So, from 19 to 34, she was his life. He said to me once, "It's hard to cut off someone who was part of your life for 20 years. Sometimes they're still important to you even if you aren't in love with them." I don't know what to do with that.

That statement is irrelevant at this point. He's been lying to you. If it's "hard" to cut someone off, he should have told you he was still talking to her all the time. His actions are telling you that it's easy to dupe you and hard to let her go. What do you do with that statement?

OP: He told me I was jealous and insecure when I told him their relationship bothered me. Sigh.

Dump him!

[Anonymous]

Time to say bye to this dude. Don’t think twice. Just do it.